When it comes to infidelity, it is customary to address nature – it is believed that the difference in the perception of betrayal in men and women is due to it. The task of a man is to impregnate as many partners as possible, the task of a woman is to maintain an alliance with one partner. Hence the difference in attitude towards male and female treason – in the first case – it’s a rudiment, greetings from the past, in the second – betrayal and disgrace. “We did not go far from primitive people and in our society a man who betrayed his wife is not condemned. For a man, the betrayal of his wife is a very serious trauma, which is connected with the ancient understanding of property. If a woman has changed, then for a man it is humiliation before the family, “explains Boris Enken, the head of the training center” The Second Level “.
According to experts, women are tormented more often than men because of their own betrayal.
True, the feeling of guilt between a man and a woman is felt for different reasons – Canadian scientists conducted a study in which they came to surprising conclusions – men feel more guilt after casual sex, while women suffer more if the affair has developed into love.
It is not possible to find out who is more likely to be recognized as a result of the torments. “The closer a couple is to destruction, the sooner they admit to each other of treason. The one who wants to save the family less often makes confessions of adultery. This is more typical of men, “Boris Yenken believes. Nina Aizman, the director of the Winner Center, disagrees with him: “More women are recognized. But most often, judging by my practice, confessions occur when the second party suspected treason. ”
If the second half does not suspect anything, and a woman realizes her mistake, then the guilt can soon make her commit an act of public repentance. What does she expect? First of all, for understanding and forgiveness, but as a rule, illusions are dispelled, and disappointment awaits her. “A woman usually represents a man more civilized than he really is. A man can say a lot about the fact that he understands everything and treats it quite calmly, “says Boris Yenken. – Many women develop the illusion that he is ready to understand. He may be thinking himself that he is ready to understand. But it happens, until he becomes aware of the fact of treason. In this case, the ancient birth standards are awakened. “
Explain the cause of unexpected candor can be anything, – but experts are sure, this is just a way to share responsibility or remove it from yourself in general. According to Nina Aizman, in the first case, a woman expects that the partner will help her find an answer to the question – how to get out of the situation, in the second – to let him know that he is imperfect and this is the reason for her betrayal: “Recognize for a woman a betrayal is to realize a perfect mistake so that she does not lie in the future with a heavy load on her shoulders. But this action is selfish – the person who was confessed to treason will have a memory of this. Whether he will show it or not, practice shows that such recognition is not forgotten. ”
Will he be able to forgive?
If you have done something stupid and wondering whether it is worth sharing it with a person who is still dear to you, you should not rush. On the assurances of specialists, in rare cases it ends with a successful continuation of family life, more often – marriage breaks up. “Since a woman more than a man is interested in preserving the family, she is more capable of forgiving treason. To forgive treason is to let go of the situation, and not to keep it in itself and constantly remember, and this release is characteristic more than anything for the female entity, “says Nina Aizman. –
Men can not understand treason. This infringes upon them, because their first thought: if it has changed me, then I’m not wealthy, like a man, but for a man it’s a failure. Therefore, one should not hope for understanding. “
As a rule, admission of treason is a desperate attempt to change the current situation. But to draw the right conclusions from their mistakes, it is not necessary to make them public. And if the betrayal itself is not a bell, but a deafening howl of a siren, testifying to big problems, then the confession of treason, according to Boris Yenken, is a step towards the destruction of the family, hard reversible and hard-pressed: “If treason occurred, it does not speak for the preservation of the family, because this is a very serious incident, and not everyone can cope with the consequences of the discovery of this error. ” Nina Aizman this time supported her colleague: “I advise you to put yourself in the place of a partner: would you like to hear the truth? Most likely, they would not, so do not talk about treason. “
If treason has already occurred, and relations are expensive, instead of repenting scenes, it is better to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist and find out what prompted you to choose this path of change in life. “Most likely, before the betrayal of a woman something happened,” says Boris Yenken, “something pushed her to betrayal, it could happen again and again, and eventually – to destroy all the same relationship.”
All these problems are easily avoided. The recipe for maintaining relationships is simple, as an anecdote.
The patient comes to the doctor and says:
– Doctor, when I do this (starts twisting my fingers), it hurts me …
– Well, do not do that!