As experts in sexologists explain, every man in his life at least once faced with the situation of defeat on the love-bed front. In this case, about the disease in the literal sense, that is, when health problems are associated, it is possible to speak only in 5% of cases. According to Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy, 95% of cases when a man fails, are caused by psychological reasons: “At the heart of the violations is an anxious-depressive disorder. Depending on the severity of the symptoms differ. If a man’s anxiety prevails, his problem is a quick ejaculation. This is the first phase of the so-called syndrome of anxious expectation of failure. When the process goes further, depression develops, there are problems with erection.
Against this background, a secondary neurotic disorder develops, and a person falls into a vicious circle: depression – problems with erection – aggravation of depression – rejection of sex. ”
Having broken one link of this pathological chain, it is possible to restore harmony in the intimate sphere. But for this you have to work hard, and not only for men: sexologists believe that a woman plays a much larger role in the occurrence of her man’s problems than she might think.
So, if the reasons that your man was prone to anxiety disorders, you are not immune, then it will be useful to pay attention to several reasons for male insolvency in bed, which are directly related to the partner.
“If a woman has negative memories related to a particular partner or past relationships in general, she can unconsciously take revenge on men, proving their insolvency in a sexual way. Especially often this situation arises if the previous relationship was emotionally incomplete, – explains the director of the Anti-Stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko. –
Sexual life is only part of the relationship, and if partners accumulate negative feelings, this often manifests itself in the form of violated sexual relations. The partner seems to say “no” to his body. “To avoid such a situation, therapists do not offer anything radically new: only to learn to express their claims as they come in, not accumulating them and, moreover, not transferring to other areas of life.
No less common option – when a woman consciously or unconsciously her sexual relations manipulates. So, women with undeveloped sexuality, their reluctance to have sex with a given partner or have sex in general can transform into negative, which men have to overcome. An example is the situation where a woman after a demonstrative demonstration runs to the toilet, expresses fears of fear of becoming pregnant, or even accentuates the painful sensations during sex. And if a man ceases to get something, this gives the woman an additional reason to put pressure on the feelings of guilt, eventually getting some good – emotional or material. According to sexologists, a man can overcome the manipulative position of a woman until some time,
This situation – one of the most difficult, because a woman is usually not aware. But what is useful to know and learn each is to distinguish a state when you really do not want sex, from something else. After all, as sexologists say, when a woman experiences a real desire for intimacy, male excitement will not fail. In other words, if you go to bed with one thought – the desire for sex, a man will feel it.
Problems with erection arise even when a man is afraid of being aggressive with a given woman. “In male sexuality there is always a certain level of aggression. And without due level, he is not able to do something. This can happen if a man directs his aggression to himself, as in a situation of neurotic personality or in the case of an overly passive, weak girl. If we say metaphorically, such a man does not seem to want to harm her, as a result, the sexual act is simply impossible, “says the head of the Insight clinic department, psychotherapist-analyst Igor Lyakh.
According to Maxim Zagoruiko, many women practice the approach “there are no frigid women – there are inept men” and shift responsibility for everything that happens in bed to a partner, but in the end they remain with nothing.
If a variant with hidden aggressiveness, manipulation and passivity usually refers to stable couples whose sex turns into regular occupation, then in case of one-time sex a woman can also provoke a male failure. “The sexual function of men is directly related to trust in a partner. If it provokes a sense of competition, danger and exudes a challenge – then the likelihood of situational sexual dysfunction increases, “Igor Lyakh comments. Such a woman takes a competitive position in relation to a man, there is a kind of substitution of roles.
There is a paradox: a bright, attractive woman first attracts a man with her accessibility, but her excessive aggressiveness can make him feel helpless.
To preserve the golden mean, experts recommend to stop confusing the concept of “femininity” and “behavior of the predator”.
The lack of potency in a man can provoke a woman with her insecurity. Such a woman thinks that if a husband does not have an erection today, then he changes it, but falls out of love due to the fact that she became ugly after giving birth. If the sexual acts themselves become less regular, such a woman panics and pulls her husband to the doctor. According to Igor Lyakh, women more often than men come with complaints about sexual problems: it’s easier for them to admit it. But only the insistent desire to “cure a husband” in itself can say that the problem lies within itself.
Sexologists recommend to move away from the quantitative method of counting and generally any estimates that relate to sex. And learn to talk about sex, and not just to do it, striving for imaginary records.