The hit show serves us an extreme look into the way we love now, but, thanks to the unique nature of the show; all the facets of modern dating are bigger and badder: more dramatic and, yes, more traumatic.
OK, dating is hard, but dating in the Love Island villa? Impossible. A lot has been said about the mental health ramifications that contestants endure after the show ends, but what about the stressful romantic entanglements that happen while they’re in the villa? Still fancy cracking on or coupling up? Here are fifteen things that could only happen in a Love Island relationship….
- You see each other practically naked. There’s no mystery with Love Island couples; no meeting at a bar and wondering what they look like in the nud. No. Instead you meet in swimwear. No clothes. No waiting.
- Sharing a bed. Not in a sexy one-night-stand way, in a hi-this-is-my-eye-mask-and-childhood-cuddly-toy way. Awkward intimacy cranked up to eleven.
- Sharing a bathroom. This is something couples normally wait years for or actively avoid for very sensible reasons. Want to share a loo with the guy you fancy? Want to see each other floss (and not in a Gen Z dance way?) Yeah, didn’t think so.
- You see each other every day. This is essentially the equivalent of immediately moving in with your one-time Tinder date.
- Coupling up. Notice how the islanders frequently struggle with this invented term. ‘But we’re together…I mean…not ‘together’ but we’re…in a …’coupling’’ Yeah, because it’s weird. It’s an undefined relationship limbo for two people not ‘in a relationship’ who are somehow inexplicably doing all the things (see 1-4) that most married couples do.
- Have a food fight in a wedding dress/don Playboy bunny garb to go to the gym/transfer the components of a burger to each other through your mouth. Take your bloody pick…
- Telling someone they are your type or that they tick all your boxes, within minutes of your first conversation. Most normal people do not bring up their boxes. At least not on a first date. Ticked or otherwise.
- Tell someone you are ‘keeping your options open.’ Let’s face it, at the beginning of a relationship, everyone is ‘keeping their options open’. But after two glasses of wine on a first date, you don’t normally have to tell the person that.
- Watching the person you’re into flirt with other people. In fact, this is so signposted, they will probably give you a heads up they are ‘pulling someone for a chat’ meaning you are both expected to sanction this intentional flirting- and then watch it happen before your eyes. Odd. Also, cruel.
- Discussing your connection with someone: out loud and repeatedly. You are a person, not a WIFI router.
- Jumping from person to person with extremely solemn naval-gazing and excuses largely based around your ‘gut.’ Unless you have IBS, this does not normally happen.
- Attending a party only if you’ve snogged/simulated sex with enough strangers in a competitive time span to deserve a party.
- Have your significant other go on a lads’ holiday with a bunch of hot single girls, where he is given the chance to hand you in like an old phone upgrade scheme at the end. Brutal.
- Sharing a bedroom with your ex and their new squeeze. You are forced to hear and see them ‘crack on’ with your only other recourse sleeping outside on a mozzie-buffet-daybed.
- Have your nice holiday in Mallorca cut short because someone doesn’t fancy you anymore. Sob.