12.04.2021

How to choose between family and self-realization?

I am 38 years old, has a husband and child. Two years ago my husband was offered a job in another city and we left Moscow. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating in this town. In Moscow I had a favorite work in a large company, and here I go to work, as hard labor, it’s a business my friend. And lives in a rented apartment depressing. Want to move back, but the husband does not agree, and the daughter starts to cry when I offer her to return to Moscow without a dad. My insides are torn apart. Some mid-life crisis, or a full family, but in a strange city and unloved, or because of loneliness, but with the possibility to be realized.

Ale, 38 years old

Как выбрать между семьей и самореализацией?

Hello, Ale! To live in prison is possible, but not for long. Voluntarily choose servitude is strictly impossible. Maybe it’s not the size of the company in which you work – it may be small, but work at the same time will be pleasant and educational.

People working in large companies, often complain about the lack of air, and the people living in Moscow, dreaming to get away from traffic, overpopulation. Do not leave the idea of finding other work, it is important that she liked. Maybe for you it is time to think and organize something of their own?

Life in rented apartments has its charms, you can always decide to change the view and move somewhere else. People often become attached to its housing, because the property creates the illusion of eternity, stability and immutability of the order of things. Try to see it from a different angle.

But your doubts may not be unfounded – now you are fully with your family, you are somewhere not with them, you thoughts are often absent for his daughter, ready to leave her husband. Perhaps it is not only work, but also in the relationship with her husband. Maybe you need to pay more attention to them? Can be than going to prison, it is better to stay home, do something nice for you and helpful for the family?

And yet, such talk is unbearable for children. You can’t put on their shoulders the responsibility for decisions such as relocation and family separation. You need to decide this question for themselves – you and your husband. And if you are moving, it will announce this decision only once, when it is ready and if it will be ready. And not disclose it if it is not ready and if you never do.

Have you got an adult mind and its mechanisms to cope with difficulties. The children in this situation live in anxiety, like a sword of Damocles. Why keep them in uncertainty and dependence, in fear ahead of time? Besides, if you move, the daughter may decide to stay with dad, so all the more reason to torture her?

And it does look like a crisis, when the person ceases to meet all of that this happy. This means that changes have to come. The mistake of many is now becoming an attempt to find the cause in the wrong environment. A more correct approach is the one when a person is in a hurry, and listen and watch myself, discovers a hitherto dormant needs and opportunities, tries to change himself, to boldly go where previously feared or wanted.

Of course, this may suffer the interests of the relatives. We should try to minimize this suffering, but not to forget the needs, because the age of about 40 is still a chance much to start and implement, while there is time and effort. I wish you success in understanding what you really need today.

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