04.03.2021

How to learn to build boundaries?

Recently, in another time faced with rudeness, not a short person. With friends everything is easier – you can sit down and say, “I hate so-and-so.” Or to ask the question: “do you want to hurt me?” With far more complicated: I don’t want to seem boorish, but do not want to experience then, that are unable to insist on. ‘ve heard from a close friend: “bring on the border.” But how to do it? After all, what people ask rude questions, climb with their advice and opinions – it’s my problem. Hence, to cope with this need to learn me. Are there any psychological techniques?

Julia, 28 years

Как научиться выстраивать границы?

Hello, Julia! You know, between rudeness and what you are asking – a big difference. Don’t be afraid to pass for the boor, don’t be afraid to hurt the trespassers. The fact that trespass is a property of some people, they’re doing this, they live, and someone resists them, and someone – no. They are used to, they may not respond to their attacks.

You don’t have to think about it at all. About myself do you know with whom and when and what you are willing to discuss. Just hold on to it. On the attack, you can properly answer a question with a question, decently quiet, decently to say that it’s not the topics that you discuss with outsiders. You must accept that everything that protects your peace of mind. This is the same practice as anything else.

But it may be that you are inconsistent. Today to tell you something frankly and tomorrow are faced with the fact that you are required to continue. Just follow for themselves. Start to observe how it was formed.

You say you have no problem to tell a person about what hurt you. Believe me, in this sense, for the far people, there are no special techniques, they can talk all the same. You can safely say that this topic is not interesting for you.

The point is not to insist, and to keep anything important in immunity. Sometimes it’s better just to get out of the situation. Physically. Because louts will never value any argument and never admit “defeat”.

Take care of yourself. When someone gives unsolicited advice, you can just not listen to him. Not to get into discussions why this doesn’t suit you, just stop counselor. To leave, to get out of the situation.

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