April 15, 2024

Just like Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, I’m in an open marriage too

In the beginning what had started as a bit of fun turned into something more serious. We had never set out with the intention of building a relationship with each other or anyone else for that matter.

But soon, two friends became three lovers and we were in a full blown relationship with each other and another woman. It was three consenting adults, who cared a lot about each other, and the relationship was built on friendship, good times and a lot of trust and respect. Now anyone would say that those elements were the foundations for a perfect relationship. So why was it accepted for a “straight” couple, but not a threesome?

What’s the big shocker? After all it was so much fun…. and obvious that so many people around us were actually bloody envious.

A few years later John and I got married. Our girlfriend decided that she wanted the same and met someone else who she went on to marry too.

At this time, John and I were completely confident in our own skin, had full trust in each other, as we still do, and our openess with each other allowed us to bring others into our relationship. Over the years we have had the odd fling, but nothing has every compared to that first relationship. You see there were other factors at play, and getting the balance right with a threesome wasn’t always easy. There was one experience where it was clear she and I were in to it more than John, he ended up getting pushed out, and as such the balance was totally off. It didn’t work and we went our separate ways. If there is even an ounce of jealousy there, it’s just not going to work. You have to be in it together as a unit.

Then another time when she was clearly what I would call…. ”a husband stealer”, this always makes John laugh so much, but I can spot them a mile off. It’s so important that everyone involved is in it for the right reasons, and someone who is blatantly after stealing your husband is obviously not ok.

Now it wasn’t just three sets of feelings we had to consider, there were also the views and feelings of those around us which we had to think about too. One day we went to a friend’s birthday party with a girl we had started seeing. When people realised what was going on their opinions were completely split. Some friends were utterly disgusted, really judgemental and stuck up. Others warned me to be carful and some found it absolutely hilarious. We had times where guys especially would make really inappropriate comments. What they didn’t realise is that it gets to the point where feelings are involved. It’s a real shame that society is unable to accept these kinds of relationships for what they are. For the most part our friends are super supportive and even intrigued. They know and love us for who we are, so we will always have their support.

Fast forward to two babies later, and things on that front have slowed down significantly. Although I have never been happier, I do feel that I have lost a part of myself. As my body begins to return to what it was, as does my confidence, and I am starting to feel like it might be an option again.

I don’t know if I will ever have the 100% confidence in myself to pursue anything with another woman again. I know that the way you look shouldn’t dominate your feelings on this front, but I can’t help but feel this way. We also have the children to think about. I have always said that my perfect senario would be to have a husband and a wife…well never say never, watch this space.

One thing that I can say is that the confidence in my relationship with John has never faltered. We are all the more stronger for our openess, the good times shared and the experiences which we have encountered together. A lot of which we can look back on with a smile on our faces and absolutely no regrets.

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