According to statistics, every second woman who broke up with her man, soon begins to miss him and think that maybe happiness was possible. Especially often the physical component of happiness is remembered: missing the affection and regular sex, a rare woman will not slowly go insane. That’s why the ladies appear in a familiar bed, but in unfamiliar status. The reasons that pushed women into the warm beds of former lovers, and about what it can lead to, learned the correspondent of SE.
The desire to return to the moment when it was good, is quite natural. After all, even we sometimes like our comfortable loose shoes more than new ones, but they require lapping. And with relationships, as you know, it is much more difficult than with shoes. If the partners parted not because of the terrible sex, but for other reasons, they may well continue to meet in the bedroom. And the less stable the situation in the world around, the more often such a variant of relations occurs: insecurity in the future generates uncertainty in the subtle points.
“Now a lot more people in the intimate terms are not confident in themselves, and many that create relationships from despair,” said psychotherapist, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy Igor Poperechny.
People stick together because it’s so “good overall”. In this case, a woman can tell the others that she has parted with this man – but in fact, to feed him with affection. She has no formal obligations to the partner, she feels free. In general, such relations can bring quite tangible satisfaction. But psychologists advise to ask themselves the question: if you are good only in the absence of obligations – what do you want from relations in general and from specific relations in particular? Laziness in finding a new partner, the convenience of “using” the old does not always help to move forward.
I’m the best
“A woman should always be desirable” – this slogan is guided by those ladies who at the expense of men are accustomed to assert themselves. When they have a partner, they shine and on a horse. Therefore, consciously or unconsciously, a woman can strive for sexual relations only because it allows her to feel welcome, necessary and irresistible. As the director of the Anti-stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko said, a woman can use the opportunity to seduce an ex-man again if she has obvious problems with self-esteem or there is a fear of new ones – after all, a new partner can reject claims or behave unpredictably. According to Igor Poperechny, this type of behavior is characteristic of women of a hysterical type who lack the worldly wisdom or experience to realize the root of the problem and solve it.
There is also a reverse situation – an insidious avenger, from which the man left. She has a completely reasonable desire: to entice, bring, subjugate and abandon. According to Igor transverse, if the initiative of parting came from a man and happened suddenly, a woman forms a kind of shock separation, which is almost always accompanied by resentment and an underlying desire to take revenge. “One of the proven, but not always effective ways – to put the former in bed. In the course are all sorts of tricks – “last night”, “what’s it to you” and so on. A man often bites on this because of the desire to leave quietly and without problems. As a result, the woman begins to gamble past sex, and the desire not to let the man mix with her with thoughts of revenge and a desire to pity, “- comments Igor Poperechny.
Psychologists believe: an effective way to take revenge may be the option, when a woman finds herself someone else to annoy the infidel, and the option of manipulating the “pomatrosit and throw.” A man like this attitude can hurt – and the effect will be achieved. That’s just what the avenger herself will receive – a big question. The stronger the desire for revenge, the stronger the feelings of the woman herself. It will make the former partner worse, but it is unlikely that she will become better herself.
On the bezrybe …
Another, perhaps, the most frequent situation: a woman would be happy to find a new partner, but do not go. While the place is free, the question arises: “Why not, in fact, not?”. Sex from the habit is, perhaps, in the first place in the causes of sex with the former. “Sometimes it’s more important to relax, especially if the relationship with new partners does not add up,” says Maxim Zagoruiko. “But this should not last more than a year, because all these relationships can not be called full-fledged.” According to Igor Poperechny, these relations are not bad in themselves and can lead to a painless break. But they have a different danger: “A woman’s desire to find someone else is reduced.” Thus, it deprives itself of the possibility of new full-fledged relations, for which it is necessary to stay at least a little in a vacuum.
Come back, I will forgive everything…
And, finally, the last option – a woman sincerely wants to return a relationship with a man once loved, which does not come out of the head and after separation. “Women often come up with the question of how to behave in order to get the man back,” says Igor Poperechny, explaining that there is no answer to this question: “You did not like him at the moment, so there is only one way: to learn to live in another way, change its internal state “. “In order to have a full relationship, there is never enough desire for one partner,” agrees Maxim Zagoruiko. But the former is not necessarily lost forever: – Times are coming, people are changing, new interests are emerging. ” But there is one nuance.
“It is important to understand that this relationship is not a continuation of the old,” warns Mr. Zagoruiko. – If it is perceived in this way, it usually does not lead to the desired result.
It is important to ritually finish the old relationship – a kind of formalize the “divorce” and decide on a new “marriage”, reconcile and understand that the mistakes of the old relationship were worked out. ”