26.10.2020

Interview with psychologist Anastasia Radaeva about femininity, sexuality and problems in her personal life

It seems that the crisis has affected not only the purses, but also to a large extent the minds and, most importantly, the hearts of people. At least, meetings with psychologists, which have become something of a kind tradition in the stores “Pliny the Elder” and Book-Look, enjoy constant popularity and attract people. This time the circle of interested persons gathered for a lecture, which was conducted by the psychologist, the leading female trainer Anastasia Radaeva. They talked about femininity, sexuality and how difficult it is for a modern careerist to combine work with personal life. SHE journalist visited a meeting with a psychologist and learned “what it means to be a woman”. 

What is the most urgent problem for a modern woman?

Many of us have the concept of a woman as a mistress and mother. Since childhood, the girl has an idea of ​​what it will be, how to create a family and get your piece of happiness. When she is married, she falls under certain obligations. The first of which: “I must provide comfort in the house.” But a woman will manifest herself as a woman only if she does it with pleasure. If she does this from the message “should” – she must give birth and bring up a child, she must wash the floor, prepare food, – then, as a result, she accumulates internal tension. She always feels that someone should … 

And what does she owe to herself?

The most common advice that can be heard today is to love yourself. Only no one really knows what it is. So you can start with a simple one. We well understand how we love others: a dog, a husband, a child or nature. First, you need to isolate this feeling and apply it to yourself. Example: if I love a cat – I take it and iron it. If I love my husband – I care that he was comfortable. Apply this to yourself. It is important to hear your body and its needs. For example, how often did you look at yourself in the mirror and did not assess the shortcomings at the same time? Or did the face mask just for fun, not to look better? This is a very delicate border. It must be learned to feel. 

Most today you need to work and at the same time bring up children. A woman goes after someone all the time, she does not remain herself.

If the woman in the first place is not she, but the husband or child – her inner fire fades. This can happen in 25 years. The moment has come, the code needs to love yourself and take care of yourself. Nothing fabulous in this. 

If a woman builds a career, she often does not have time to build relationships and start a family …

A woman with nature is laid to give life, not necessarily physically. It can be any creative process – to make an idea, to create something. If you understand that now there is no man with whom you would like to bind life, you do not need to chase it at any price, first of all you need to ask yourself: why do I need it? 

Should I give vent to female emotions in my work or do I need to restrain emotions?

In the question there is an underwater stone. The fact is that excessive emotionality is not the norm, even for women. If a woman does not feel her foundation, the foundation in understanding what she wants at the moment, it says that she is not in a state of calm. And this can be made for yourself a marker: something knocked you out of balance, so the solution to the problem is difficult. But at the same time, excessive emotionality for some is a very good way to manipulate others. If a woman chooses this method, she eventually often remains alone. This applies not only to work. 

There is an opinion that active, purposeful and successful ladies are afraid of men …

If a woman in life is tough and purposeful, she often subconsciously acts out of her male half, believing that only this way she can succeed.

Therefore, with her there can be a man who will be in the position of a woman.Everything turns upside down, and eventually she herself will complain about the fact that she gets weak men. 

But the activity is also different. If a woman is active and purposeful, but not from the masculine, but from the feminine, she can find a man who will be stronger than her. The difference is very subtle, a woman needs to learn how to feel it. In any case, it is useful to recall the analogy with fire: people are drawn to those with whom warm and comfortable. Woman as fire: the more internal fire in her, the more attracted to men. It does not depend on the external sign of activity or passivity. 

Today, the concept of femininity in many is reduced only to external attractiveness: the heel is higher, and the skirt is shorter … What does this have to do with?

If a woman does not understand what actually attracts men, it is only natural that she follows the society, is guided by external criteria. Any spiritual practice clearly enough says that men in women are attracted by inner beauty. Fluids, energy, femininity – are called differently. If a woman is not taught what it is, if she does not understand what she really needs, then she seeks to attract a man first of all externally. It works. That’s just it attracts men who do not understand what it means to be a real man – just as she does not know what it means to be a real woman. You know, the forums now write a lot: where did the real men get to? They are. Just perceive these ladies as a kind of surrogate …

Often a woman, in order to win a man, is recommended to “work on yourself.” Many people have a question: why should a woman change, even though a man can lie on the couch? 

This is not an adult woman’s conversation, but a little girl’s conversation: “I will have a sweet for the fact that I’m behaving well, and for him – for nothing?”. If I’m an adult, then I do something for nothing and not for something, but simply for the excess. 

One of the serious problems of modern society is that men and women get married and marry in the state of a small child when they have not been given anything. When we start to measure – and who is more, we remain in the position of the child to whom all should.

There is a big difference between selfishness and egocentrism. The adult person is selfish. But at the same time he sees and accepts the needs of other people. If he says, “I will do everything to him, and what will he do to me?” Is an egocentrism, the position of a child who believes that the whole world revolves around him and everyone must meet his needs. Many people, unfortunately, do not understand the difference. 

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