07.05.2021

Interview with a psychologist about how not to become a victim of Lovelace

Despite the fact that under the names of Casanova and Don Juan hidden insidious seducers, their images are surrounded by a romantic halo. However, when such a voluptuary meets in real life and disappears without a trace from the night of love, there is no trace of romance. Women brand such men, calling women’s men, for men they cause great loyalty and unspoken solidarity. The psychologist, the psychotherapist of the European registry, Gestalt therapist Alena Sagadeeva told SHE about how to protect herself from Lovelace and whether it is possible to rehabilitate the insidious seducer. 

Interview with a psychologist about how not to become a victim of LovelaceWho is a womanizer and what does he want?

A womanizer is a man incapable of being in any sort of lasting relationship with a woman and enjoying only the process of “hunting” for her. He wants to win a woman, which is expressed in the desire to sleep with her. After the “victory” such men almost immediately lose interest in the partner. 

That is the goal of Lovelace – exclusively sex? He does not need love and worship? 

Love and worship can be for a womanizer with desired experiences, but this has nothing to do with the partner. The main thing is Himself, His experiences. But this is an advanced form. This is a kind of womanizer, who has so-called “communicative competence”. And for others, sex is the main form of interaction. A form in which there is no truly valuable content.

What are the reasons for the regular change of partners and how do the traitors themselves explain this? 

These men do not change in the literal sense of the word. To make a betrayal, you must first obtain consent to be faithful. If from the mouth of a womanizer and this promise sounds, then this is just a trick, a means that justifies the goal. The women’s women themselves come up with the most incredible stories – from the male polygamous to the impossibility of finding their beloved. However, everything is much more prosaic. 

Interview with a psychologist about how not to become a victim of LovelaceThey are driven by fear. Close relationships frighten them, women perceive them as potentially dangerous, so they cause aggression, sometimes even conscious. This is a kind of disease. As, for example, the game addiction. The same excitement, the same passions, only the winnings of the other.

How to recognize the potential Casanova at the initial stage of the relationship? What points should I pay attention to? 

Speed ​​of approach. A womanizer is result-oriented. If a woman does not agree to sex immediately, then it causes tension. However, an experienced womanizer knows how to hide disappointment. In general, women’s men are extremely charming and artistic. Failures can only spur them, storms can be replaced by sieges. It is better not to do anything in advance. Do not settle for sex in the hope that he will marry, for example. Do not do anything that would not be valuable in itself. And be honest with yourself. As a rule, every girl in the depths of her soul knows how to actually treat her, but for various reasons she does not want to admit it. The woman who lied to herself is the main booty of a womanizer.

Many women’s women eventually marry. What for? And can such a man be a good family man? 

Women’s women get married for various reasons. Rather, they call different reasons. But the main one is one. The desire to have a rear, a place where you can return after another hunt. A place where you can relax and be yourself. Therefore, in the family, one becomes a despot, the other becomes a jealous person, the third becomes a slacker, etc. And in public, he is still as charming and courteous! Very rarely such men become good spouses, the cure happens, to put it mildly, infrequently. 

But still such a mechanism of behavior can be changed?

Interview with a psychologist about how not to become a victim of LovelaceYou can change, but for this you need a very serious motivation. And to think that the relationship with another victim will change Kazanova means to put yourself at serious risk. To begin with, I say that the self-esteem of a womanizer is directly related to his victories. In addition, such a person simply does not know how and-most importantly-why be in close and long-term relationships. The roots of fears associated with women lie in the early childhood experiences. And even if you get to them, it’s very difficult to change your behavior. Including because it is behind the scenes is not considered shameful. 

And what about those who have already managed to marry Kazanov?

The situation of marriage to a womanizer is not necessarily tragic. It all depends on the personality of the woman. Next to him, one must constantly be in the position of still not caught game. It means looking good, enjoying success with men, concentrating maximum attention on yourself, your development, external and internal forms. 

It is necessary to do everything possible to not depend on the husband, to admire him, to be happy regardless of him. Those. this is a completely different form of family life. In it there is no reliability and stability, but there is a heat of passion and excitement of the game. And then the womanizer can change. 

But if you play this game honestly and with pleasure, then do you need these changes? And if you pretend, he will beat you, for him it’s a matter of personal worth.

There is an opinion that the man was originally polygamous, so in the change of partners there is nothing surprising and reprehensible – they say, nature itself is so ordered …

There is no nature of such orders! Rather, the animal has, but the person does not. Therefore, he is a man. However, in the change of partners there really is nothing surprising or reprehensible. Everyone is free to choose! Without condemnation and prohibitions. But I must say that an orgasm, for example, in a couple that has really close relationships, is much brighter and more valuable, because in it participate and genitals, and heart, and smells, and reason, and even a sea of ​​different components. Women often themselves frighten men with a frank desire to get the right to a lover. And the loss of freedom is one of the greatest male nightmares. But this is a broader topic, concerning mistrust of the sexes, as old as the world …

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