03.07.2022

I Didn’t Deserve To Be Hurt Like That

You know, you could’ve walked away without hurting me so much. You could’ve left without inflicting so much pain and damage in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame you for walking away. I blame you for the way you decided to leave.

You could’ve taken the high road and acted like an adult. You could’ve explained to me your reasons for leaving, and I would’ve understood. Yes, I might’ve hated you during that moment, I might’ve told you are an idiot, I might’ve cried, but I would’ve come to terms with your decision.

All I wanted was for us to separate in a peaceful way. But you ruined every memory with your abrupt and disrespectful leaving. The fights, the tears, the screaming, the accusations, the hurtful things you said… they all linger inside me. And they hurt.

You knew how hard I can be to myself. You knew that I drive myself crazy and tear myself to pieces. You knew I was guarded because I was still carrying past hurt. You knew I was overthinking because I feared to lose you, and probably that’s why you left. Because you’ve felt suffocated. But I didn’t deserve the hurt. I didn’t deserve you to leave me like that.

That is not the way to treat a person. You don’t have a right to treat a human being like that. Behaving like an a**hole and hurting people is the lowest of the low.

However, I know that you don’t get this and that you are still blaming me for everything. You play the role of a victim that suits you best. You are probably telling your friends how you are the heartbroken one. How you didn’t deserve the things I’ve put you through.

You may fool them, but you cannot fool yourself. Deep down you know you were wrong. There is no escape from your guilty conscience. You know that what you said and what you did is not okay. That the relationship you give me was toxic, and you know I deserve more.

After you left, I raised my guard even more. You’ve turned me into someone that I don’t want to be. I still feel the hurt. I still feel the heartbreak. But in a weird way, the trauma I’ve experienced changed me. It made me stronger.

I know that future relationships will be challenging for me because of what you’ve put me through, but I will try and not let the hurt turn me into a bitter person. I won’t sabotage my future relationship because of you.

I will try and find my happiness again.

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