July 18, 2024

How to part with a man, so as not to torture him and not suffer himself

To understand what a dream man should be, you can not get away with theory. And not everyone is lucky to meet their ideal the first time. So we have to part with the unsuccessful specimens.

The worst option is to take each of the partings as the grief of all life, but frivolity in this matter is worthless. To analyze the most popular ways for girls to part ways, the correspondent of SHE asked psychologists.

1. Quietly disappear

“If the partner is a psychopath, asocial or dangerous, for example, abusing alcohol, a woman has every right to disappear. The option is suitable if there is a preponderance of strength on his part or the woman is strongly emotionally dependent, “Natalya Serazetdinova, a Gestalt therapist at the Sibneymore Center, believes that each situation has its own approach.

Breaking up this way with a guy to normal people says: you are a coward. Or selfish. “Most likely, you are so afraid of close relations that you did not even enter into them at all. Your body came to meetings, but not the soul. Therefore, you have nothing to finish, you did not start, “says psychologist of the Gloris center Natalia Pakina.

True, if a person left in ignorance is a love addiction, he will experience and be tormented, seek meetings and talk.

2. Send an email

As stressed by Natalia Serazetdinova, the letter contains information about the completion of the relationship. A letter is a form of answer, and it by its form contains an explanation. The option is suitable when a woman does not know how or does not want to respond verbally, as well as in a situation where a man inclines to relationships and exerts pressure.

If your letter is shortened to SMS with the words: “Do not look for me anymore,” then it’s even worse than just disappearing. “There, the remaining partner can at least something to think in his favor, somehow” treat “himself, to reassure, then the SMS says about the total disrespect for the partner,” insists Natalia Pakina.

3. To say in the forehead

In general, an open conversation is always welcome. The simplest method can be the most successful. Yes, and humanly it. Although if you came to a confrontation to say: “Seryoga, you’re so boring and unpromising, I’ll find someone better”, it’s better not to say anything at all. The self-esteem of the modest man will fall below the baseboard, and the macho can give the southern blood to the forehead. Directness is not always good, in a word.

To make this a success, psychologists recommend using only “I” -susks (not “you’re bad and boring” but “I’m bored”), everything else is a form of claim and does not fit for a productive conversation. And again: in conversation there is a danger of falling into justifications. And the one who makes excuses is always lower in level of conversation. Do not allow this.

4. Saw stealthily

The method is effective: after being tortured to listen to nagging, the man will collect the suitcases himself. The thought of parting will come to him. “A good female option, preserves the ambition of men. But the question arises – why would she? So the sense of guilt is removed. A woman expects to be torn with her to remove the guilt from herself and confirm the statement that all the guys are goats. This is a hidden revenge for the dissatisfaction with the relationship and the inability to speak on the problem topic, “reflects Natalia Serazetdinova. And if a man is a masochist, he will tolerate cutting for years: he will not be frightened.

5. Involve third parties

The method is suitable only in one case: if you are subjected to violence – physical or moral and you need to save – the faster the better. Then you can attract, without embarrassment, you can at least mom, even his friends, even my uncle from the police. In this case, it is very difficult to do without help.

In all other cases, the desire to climb under the warm mother of a rug or provoke friends is equated with infantilism: asking for political asylum from common friends is silly and childish. Yes, and not very effective: who needs this responsibility?

6. Arrange a scandal

The advantages of the method were not found: he does not add health and does not accelerate the solution of the problem. Scandal – it is almost always mutual insults. “This is an uncivilized way – a subconscious desire to destroy a partner. Inclination to scandals speaks about the increased level of women’s claims, subconscious revenge, the desire to shift the blame for the unsuccessful relationship, “Natalia Serazetdinova comments. If you want to stay in the image of an old woman from a fairy tale about a golden fish – a way for you.

7. Fall in love with someone else

You can say: “You know, I fell in love with another, our relationship is over”, and everything is humanly explained as it is. Pros: oddly enough, good portability. Due to the fact that a woman has her share of feelings of guilt for treason, both, it turns out, suffer a little and the balance is balanced.

In this case, however, men accept the fact of betrayal sharper. A rejected man is dangerous either by revenge (he can go about dealing with an opponent) or inadequacy. “He can say:” Everyone has his own shortcomings, “and … remains with you,” – leads one more option Natalia Pakina. Therefore, before reporting “joyful news”, think three times and pick up words.

8. Stay friends

The modern popular subspecies: there is no sex, and attachment is. Girl, parting, leaves all the “former” in social networks, phone book, mind and memory. “He’s just a friend,” said Kerry Bradshaw about the man of her dreams, deceiving herself and, as it turned out, her then lover. According to psychologists, very few couples are able to agree on “friendship”. And for girls this way usually turns into a variant of a “spare airfield”. As a result, the first depression, flavored with alcohol, often turns the “former” into “sometimes meet. ”

9. Pull to the last

Sometimes the problem is solved laziness and the business is allowed to run its course. Option: a woman goes into work, stops at home in the evenings in the hope that “everything will resolve, he will get bored, he will leave”. This also indicates the inability to complete the relationship. Bad option: no conversation, no claims, no clarification, no completion. Nothing. Waiting for “who will be the first to quit” can spend too much time. Respecting yourself, you will not waste it. Respecting a partner – release the person if it turns out that he does not suit you.

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