How to deal with your own jealousy, when a man gives an occasion for this

Supporters of monogamy are called animal traitors, but in addition to the notorious rabbits, which are the symbol of the Playboy magazine, and other animals like mice and hamsters adapted to life near humans, there is only one kind of living being ready to engage in moral and physical sex at least every day, it’s a reasonable man, Homo Sapiens.

In animals, a kind of jealousy and struggle for a sexual partner occurs only during mating, which occurs from once every few years to several times during the year. The person is in this respect almost in constant stress – this is payment for civilization, psychologists say and predict that in this direction the situation will develop further.

How to deal with the sizzling feeling, in particular, how women behave in the most common situations,


Despite the development of modern society, free love, preached by the hippies, has not found a response in the hearts of millions, having gone down in history along with legal drugs. “Jealousy without love is entirely possible, love without jealousy does not exist,” says Andrei Zberovsky, a Krasnoyarsk psychologist. “Love is always associated with sex and a sense of ownership of a loved one, where jealousy is a mechanism of self-defense.” The desire of partners to “privatize” each other is not at all a mental illness or maniacal deviation. And female jealousy is no more abnormal than male jealousy, says psychotherapist of Sibneymore Clinic Igor Pozhidaev:

“Women simply talk about it with each other more often, but jealous men and women are roughly equal”.

So everything is normal, it remains only to consider the most typical situations, when it is so tempting to arrange a tantrum – and try to find the most intelligent ways to respond.

Left with the boys

After work, you rush home to your beloved, and he responds to you: “Well, we already live together, I want to see my friends.” “Even if a person does not spend time with us, he can still love us,” says psychologist Natalya Mazalova. First, you have to admit that the beloved man is not your court jester, but a person who has the right to personal space. Secondly, start to communicate most with people, not to stay at home, like an abandoned girl.

“We need to feel at what age you feel yourself, and if this is a child’s condition, then ask yourself: how old I really am. Usually it helps a lot, “Igor Pozhidaev shares his experience and also advises tactics” choice without choice “as a way to spend more time together: “I would like to go to the zoo next week – on which day will it be more convenient for you?” A person voices a desire and offers only a choice of its implementation. ”


Many people come to see a psychologist and tell stories that the man began to receive mysterious SMS-ki, which he quietly reads in the toilet.

To chase after him and select the phone is only to prove one’s own defect to himself and his man. 

A wise woman does not climb into someone else’s phone at all, Pozhidaev thinks. The only way out here is to stop controlling. “To control people respond negatively and irritated, and trust – with gratitude,” assures Natalya Mazalova. “Let him correspond.” However, if your imagination about the alleged SMS texts does not give you rest, you can talk – do not blame, and ask for help – the main thing is that a man does not have the need to defend himself, put him better in the position of the strongman in whose care you currently need. ”

Look how!

Many men like Angelina Jolie, but not all women are pleased to know this. Let not for everyone, but for a loved one, you want to be the best, and not just conveniently turned up for want of a better. However, here the opinions of psychologists are divided. Igor Pozhidaev believes that it is quite possible to discuss with the partner the delights of other women: “This is a problem only for a person who himself considers himself something like this” byakov “. You need to raise your own value first of all in your own eyes.”

Mazalova is of the opinion that there are topics that should be left to his boyfriend for discussion with friends. Excessively friendly relations in a couple often lead to the fact that a man begins to perceive you as a “friend” who wants to slap on the shoulder, and the idea of ​​having sex with such a “boyfriend” ceases to inspire and seems absurd. Natalia advises not to be jealous, but just to say that you do not like hearing such things.

A Girl Friend

There is no doubt that there is friendship between a man and a woman, but her nature causes all doubts. Someone always wants more – psychologists agree with this. However, when a man of your dreams rewrites “VKontakte” with such a girl-friend or goes with her to walk, you do not need, jealous, to show him once again that she is a woman – maybe he does not notice it. “It’s better to make friends in order to clarify for yourself, what role it plays for your husband, and begin to play this role, take away her function from her,” advises Pozhidaev, how a wise woman should behave, not a stupid hysterical woman.

Favorite fan

A separate story, if your husband is not some ordinary man of your dreams, but the idol of millions, figuratively speaking, is a man of the public profession, behind which swarms of fanatics – young and beautiful.

“You can only sympathize with the wives of such people. They are people of a demonstrative type of behavior, they do not view the connection on the side as something disastrous, “says Igor Pozhidaev. However, representatives of public professions themselves do not agree with him.

“My profession is a volcano of occasions for jealousy, but my wife knows that I can be trusted:

why lose everything that is dear to you, for 5 minutes of fast club sex,” reasonably parries DMC Feel. Jealousy, the famous DJ considers it an occasion to reflect on whether everything is good in the relationship, and frankly talk with the second half: “To say that this is a manifestation of love is a controversial issue, here an amateur. Someone likes badly and violently, and someone – heart and deed. ”

One of the most famous photographers in the nude genre, Igor Parfenov, believes that jealousy is based on insecurity and arises not only from great love: “As for the jealousy of a woman: what does not pass the norm of normal communication, can not strain. There may be not very pleasant conversations that can always be razed. ”

In the end, if you are sure that your man is a self-sufficient person and an adult, he certainly understands that the fans love him not a specific person like you, but only his regalia and merits, tinsel. “The best way to achieve loyalty of your partner is to prove to him your own fidelity,” Andrei Zberovsky is sure. And jealousy can be afforded in small portions, like a very high-calorie dessert or a kind of “controlled madness.”

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