Think the time between your engagement and wedding day is supposed to be filled with pure bliss, fluffy white dresses, and delectable desserts? Guess again.
While it’s certainly one of the most exciting times for a couple it can also be very stressful as you combine your values, bank accounts, and opinions on how to celebrate the momentous occasion–and it only gets more difficult when family members get involved.
It’s not uncommon for even the most even-keeled couples to wind up in a blowout or two and clash over party preferences and family differences, but it doesn’t mean it’s time to call off the wedding.
World-renowned event planner Marcy Blum has helped couples plan picturesque celebrations around the world and she’s well-versed in the common conflicts that often arise –and how to avoid them. She offered up her advice for avoiding wedding planning fights at a HomeGoods event in NYC, where she stressed the importance of ensuring both you and your significant other get to contribute to the planning process in your own way.
“With all couples, it’s important to pick a job and stay in your own lane. So if you’re doing the music and the drinks you stick to that and I’m not going to harass you about it and I’ll do flowers and other decor and you’re not going to harass me about that,” she said. “As long as everybody gets a piece and gets to own it.”
If overbearing family members are making the planning process stressful, you can actually avoid fights by making them feel involved rather than turning them away. “If the mother-in-law, for example, is being difficult when planning a wedding, I say let them do the gift baskets for the rooms and it will keep them preoccupied for a while–they’ll go away,” she said.
Blum’s best piece of advice? Keep it all in perspective and stop sweating the small stuff–after all, you’re planning a joyous celebration. “This is the fun part, it’s not supposed to be anxiety-producing. Remember you’re not getting wedding-ed, you’re getting married, which is a big difference. There’s a bigger plan here than this piece,” she said. “This is the time you can never get back. No one is going to be as happy for you as they are when you’re engaged or getting married or having a baby. Everyone is on your side and sending you love and best wishes and it only gets harder. This is the best time of your life and if you’re lucky enough to host a party together, even if it’s not a wedding, you really should relish it.”