The hideous term “old-timer” is still being called in some women’s consultations. Despite the happy faces of foreign forty-year-old stars with the first-born on their hands, our birth after 35 is considered a risky business.
At the same time, women began to marry later, and gynecologists confess that sometimes they have to persuade patients to push aside the work and learn the joy of motherhood.
About the pros and cons of late births and how the age is related to readiness to become a mother, the correspondent of SHE recognized.
Do not delay for tomorrow
As you know, the optimal age for the birth of a child physicians consider the period from 18 to 35 years. The ideal age in terms of health is 21 years, by this time the function of the ovary is established, which is responsible for carrying the child and maintaining the pregnancy.
According to Elena Loginova, obstetrician-gynecologist of the medical center “Avicenna”, 35 years – a critical boundary: “In pairs after 35 years, the risk of genetic anomalies increases significantly, general health worsens, somatic problems begin to manifest.” For example, unstable blood pressure or kidney pathology can lead to gestosis, which can not but affect the health of the baby.
But if before doctors mostly interested in the age of the mother, then recent studies confirm the importance of the age of a man who plans to become a dad. The ability to reproduce is not always preserved until old age – with age, scientists say, the quality of germ cells varies and in sperm becomes more defects. Therefore, men are not recommended to postpone paternity for later – it’s better to keep up to 40-45 years.
“If one of the partners is older than 35, this pregnancy is conducted as in an age couple, there is a higher chance of genetic breakdowns,” confirms Ms. Loginova. “It’s in terms of genetics, but not in terms of health and gestation.” Naturally, pregnancy itself will proceed safely if the woman is healthy and young. ”
Work is our all
Modern women rely on miracles of medicine and do not hurry to give birth to children: “Career aspirations are visible, it is obvious – women come 29-30 years old and they have to be softly persuaded.
This is a Western option, that you must first build a career, and then decide on issues of procreation. We accepted this, but no one takes into account that our population is less healthy than in America or Europe, “says Elena Loginova.
By the way, American scientists have calculated their ideal age for delivery – 34 years. The reason for this curious conclusion is simple: with age, a woman is more responsive to her health issues, has a constant partner and stable earnings, so she can afford better living conditions and good food. According to the gynecologist of the medical center “Avicenna”, modern women are really more serious about their health and often appear at the doctor before the pregnancy: “The people in this plan became more enlightened – used to just get pregnant and give birth, there’s how the curve will take out. And now people are getting ready, they come and take tests. ”
Not always ready
If you move away from physiology, it’s easy to see that not all mothers are psychologically ready for the appearance of the baby – even those who managed to conceive in the magic interval from 18 to 35 and do not know what a toxicosis is. “The birth of a child, motherhood is a very difficult and serious stage in a woman’s life, a test of willingness to give, to find herself in interaction with another little man, without demanding anything in return. That is, a priori, healthy motherhood requires very serious internal resources, – says Natalia Gulina, a psychologist at the Insight clinic. “Otherwise, what will you give, if there are no resources – spiritual, spiritual, physical?”.
The main signs of the internal unpreparedness for the appearance of a child is the lack of understanding why he is needed at all. Such a woman usually does not reach psychological maturity, she has a children’s position, where there is only “I want” and “give.” “It happens when a woman does not understand how her life will change with the appearance of a child, when it is valuable not in itself, but for raising the status or when the child needs more to her husband or grandparents. Those usually say: you are only a parent, and we will educate him, “says Tatiana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the Novosibirsk Perinatal Center.
“If the talk about the child is reduced to the description of” pictures “, but does not say at all how life will change with the appearance of the child, or blurts out, but only in the epithets of losses – what I can not do, where I can not walk – this is the first signal that future motherhood – a tribute to the requirements of society, traditions, family, and not an informed decision, “
adds Natalia Gulina. – A mother who is not ready for motherhood is, without exaggeration, a tragedy for a child. Underemployment at an early age has to be compensated for the rest of his life. ”
The same goes for the father – his unwillingness can manifest itself in the absence of understanding what the child is and why he is needed at the moment. “If a father needs a child as a successor of the family, as a moment of self-affirmation – that everyone has children, and I also have a child, this is a bad option,” says Tatiana Skritskaya. About the unpreparedness and the opinion says that “raising a child is the task of the mother,” as Natalia Gulina notes, this is a clear signal that a man is not ready to become a father – real, and not biological.
Is it better late?
According to experts, conscious motherhood is rarely at an early age. And numerous studies about “mature” motherhood are done not with the aim of popularizing late childbirth, but with the goal of supporting those who have already moved beyond the “permitted” age, but want to give birth. The process has already been launched: in America and many European countries the “middle-aged” young mother is by no means a rarity.
“The number of women in childbirth older than 35 grows by about 10% per year,” notes Natalia Gulina, citing examples from her experience. – In my practice, there are cases of quite severe psychological conditions in women who gave birth in 35-40 years, due to their unreadiness for serious physical and psychological stress, when women complain “if I were 20 …”. But there are similar cases in 20-25 year old women who suffer because “I did not think it would be so hard …”. In a word, the perception of motherhood as unbearable gravity or as unspeakable happiness is a purely individual phenomenon, not always dependent on age. “