Sex isn’t supposed to be funny, right? It should be sexy, pleasurable, intimate. But not when you’ve been growing a human for almost nine months and are about to pop.
When I was almost 40 weeks pregnant, my husband and I had the most hilarious sexual encounter either of us had ever experienced.
Some women find they become sex goddesses when pregnant, wanting it all the time, enjoying it more than before, and relishing in their newfound love affair with getting it on. Others want nothing to do with pregnancy sex; they’re uncomfortable, ill and/or exhausted, and stay purposefully on their own side of the bed.
During both of my pregnancies, unfortunately for my husband and me, I leaned toward the latter. I definitely didn’t find that I was any more aroused than usual, sex didn’t begin to miraculously feel better than it had before, and I wasn’t hopping into the sack every chance I got. I was lucky not to have a lot of morning sickness, but my lack of nausea didn’t lead to wanting more sex.
Finding a sex position that’s comfortable, let alone pleasurable, is not that easy when you can’t see your toes.
When you’re pregnant, especially toward the end of those 40 weeks, you’re pretty big. Things have shifted, you get winded walking up a flight of stairs, and the first trimester exhaustion comes back with reckless abandon. Finding a sex position that’s comfortable, let alone pleasurable, is not that easy when your center of gravity has shifted, your belly is far out in front of you, and you can’t see your toes. Lying on your stomach isn’t possible, and lying flat on your back isn’t recommended. Being on top made me feel self-conscious, with my boobs flopping all over the place and my belly resting on my husband’s stomach.
Side-lying can work, and was successful for my husband and me most times. However, one night a little after I hit week 39 and we were both in the mood, we gave it a go and things went differently. My memory of the encounter is detailed, so prepare yourself while I paint some intimate specifics.
We had our regular coconut oil lube at the ready on the bedside table. I was still wearing a sports bra because the girls were far too floppy to be let loose for our upcoming romp. I lay on my side as we had done up until that point in my pregnancy, and waited for him to enter from behind. I could sense his hesitation, so I turned around to see him looking confused.
I couldn’t really support myself the way I had previously, even on my side, so it proved to be a difficult angle for him. We switched positions and tried a pillow under my lower back, but my belly was so huge, he hesitated again. I encouraged him through a giggle to “just do it.” After a bunch of position shifts, a few “How the hell are we gonna make this work?!” exchanges, and adding some coconut oil to the mix, we were slipping all over each other.
Every time we changed positions we laughed a little, until finally we were making each other laugh so hard we could barely talk. We ended up saying “this just isn’t working,” high-fived for a solid effort, and put our clothes back on.
Pregnant sex requires being open to trying some different things. If high-fiving your partner for a job not-so-well done isn’t your thing, hopefully you can at least laugh at yourselves.