In our age, it is not accepted to be embarrassed – this is the lot of the past. And if you’re embarrassed, then you will be immediately labeled: “Yes, you have complexes! ”. And immediately it becomes inconvenient – it turns out that others do not have them, and with you such embarrassment happened.
As a result, the inner samudstvo forces to put on long skirts in the floor to hide the shortcomings of the figure (which often does not exist), and when meeting with the man of his dreams, keep silent on the sidelines, afraid to blurt something out wrong (this recommendation was once blurted out by my mother jokingly ). Where do the notorious complexes come from and how to treat them, the correspondent of SE explained.
Perhaps, from all psychological words the word “complex” is used in an unprofessional, household environment more often than others. And this is not only because psychology has boldly stepped into the masses, but often because people far from psychology, but boldly putting a diagnosis, thus demonstrate their full “raskompleksovannost. ”
Recently, inferiority complexes are gaining momentum about appearance. Especially it concerns women. If you look at your face and body every day, you can notice a lot of imperfections.
Somewhere too convex, somewhere too flat, something sticks out, and something hangs, although it should not. You can curse television and glossy, they say, promote the standards of beauty and make ordinary people feel damaged. But, firstly, it’s just a business, people make money. And secondly,
Difficult childhood
On the complexes, Freud also said – he also described the Oedipus complex (about the unconscious attraction of the child to the parent of the opposite sex). But speaking of the complex, we mean the inferiority complex introduced by Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist, a student of Sigmund Freud. He moved away from the eroticism of his teacher, believing that the goal of any person is the desire for power and superiority.
This goal, Adler believed, is predetermined by the fact that every person feels inferior in childhood. And striving for excellence, a person has a protest and a “will to power. ” That is, a child who in childhood was regularly criticized for threesomes, grows up and tries to prove to everyone that he is intelligent and capable. How he will prove it, one god knows – doing business, buying expensive cars or seducing chic women.
Let’s say you are worried about the size of your chest. Most women do not like this part of the body – either too small or too large. But in fact, experts say, it’s not at all in the chest. The point is in some kind of childish experience (for example, an unfortunate joke of parents, incorrect behavior of classmates), which caused an alarming state. And even if you change the size of the breast to the desired, these experiences will not go away – they switch to something else. You will be upset because of the shape of the feet or because of the waist.
What’s true, brother?
There is such an anecdote: The psychiatrist tells the patient: “You should not complain about the inferiority complex. On the contrary, you are extremely correct about your opportunities. ” So how do you know if you really wear a couple of extra pounds on your hips, or does the evil complex interfere with living a full life?
Psychologists recommend to look at yourself and look for additional signs of an exciting problem for you, because people with an inferiority complex share similarities.
1. Have found a beauty! “Is she the cute one? ”Yes, her legs are a wheel. ”“And why does he like everyone so much? ”Always foolish anecdotes tells! “A person who is not self-confident, as a rule, is negative about other people. Trying to find negative features in others, he tries to convince himself that he is actually quite good.
2. The unhappy Magomed. A person with an inferiority complex may inadequately respond to praise. There are two options. The first one – “Look how beautiful I am today! ”Why do not you tell me compliments? ”Any praise is perceived as a holiday. And if the mountain does not go to Magomed, then Magomed goes to the mountain – we are not proud, we will ask for or require compliments. The second option – “Yes, stop you, what I’m slim? A man refuses to listen to laudatory speeches, because his own opinion of himself does not coincide with the opinion of others.
3. All around enemies. “It is he who specifically says so that I quit! ” Blaming others, looking for their weak spots, it may occur that others do the same. Therefore, the remark expressed by the authorities is perceived as an attempt to get rid of and offend. This allows you to throw off the responsibility for the mistakes – in fact the evil boss has specially adjusted everything.
4. Our business is a party. “I do not participate in competitions, this is a lesson for slackers” – perhaps, this categoricality is due to fear of competition. After all, in any struggle there is a loser, and this is for a complex person a real tragedy.
If you find most of the listed characteristics in your home, this does not mean that you will live a miserable existence, always doubting yourself. Most people over the years begin to relate to their real or imaginary problems. After all, if of the three men who are in love with you, no one has mentioned the size of your breast, it becomes easier to live, and the chest seems not so small. Moreover, you can help yourself in this process.
1. Turn into Napoleon. An example that has become classic. To compensate for his small growth, Bonaparte became a great commander. The same Adler, who spoke about inferiority, argued that a person tries to get rid of feelings of inferiority in one area by means of intensified activity in another. And in general, it’s not so bad. The main thing is not to overdo it.
2. Turn off the fantasy. Do not be afraid, it’s not forever. Only in those cases when you start to build up the situation. That is, to think out that all passers-by will look at your nose, which is more than you would like. Refuse to speak, assuming that all listeners will laugh at the card orator. In 99 percent of cases this is only the fruit of your fantasy caused by fear.
3. Remember that everyone has complexes. This is an absolutely normal state that can inspire you to exploit. Having reached the goal, you can take on another, and so on. To someone who boasts of the absence of these same complexes, is even worse than you. He also has them, but more complex ones. What we call megalomania. Hyper-self-confidence in oneself, endless conversations about one’s own talents and abilities is nothing more than compensation for feelings of inferiority.
4. Fight with fears. To do this, it is enough to use the successful opportunities that fate gives you and from which you disown, doubting your own abilities. Over time, you will see that you can be interesting in communication and successful in working with a small chest, lop-eared ears or a scar on the right cheek.
As the French writer Jean Dutur said, “in the inferiority complex, the worst thing is that they usually do not suffer those who should. ”The world is full of people who are smarter, prettier and more capable than you. It is foolish to try to keep up with everyone who is better than you in something. It is better to take quietly your advantages and disadvantages and to strive for self-improvement within reasonable limits.
