We often close our eyes to the shortcomings of others: who of us is ideal? On the shortcomings of men who we like, we close our eyes even more often: we want to arrange our personal life so much.
That’s just the ability to distinguish between minor shortcomings and features that do not allow a man to build normal relationships, is not given to everyone. Being carried away by the wrong men, you have all the chances to spend years of life in vain, to become emotionally attached to an unworthy man and to miss that very one who suits you.
About what men are guaranteed to provide you with problems, the SHE correspondent learned from specialists.
1. Seeker of adventures
A man who loves women and knows how to care. Romance and beautiful gestures of attention attract women at all times. Such a man masterfully increases women’s self-esteem.
Problem: It runs from the depth of the relationship. “It is unbearable for him to meet his true feelings, such as boredom, disappointment in his beloved, anger or fear for a loved one,” says psychologist of the Gloris Center Olga Shamsutdinova. Instead of living these emotions and building trust relationships, it’s easier for them to change their partner. Depends on the novelty, and to meet the need, which is increasingly difficult to cope with, a womanizer changes women one by one.
How to recognize:“Meeting with various types of women, differing in character, the Adventurer becomes a master of his craft. It’s easier for him than for another, less sophisticated man, to get hold of women’s attention, “warns Olga Shamsutdinova. Have seen the preparedness in the gestures, phrases and courtships – be wary.
2. The Big Child The
big child is a man who is attracted to a teenage lifestyle, computer games at night and constant fun. And it does not matter that he exchanged the fourth ten, has wrinkles and bald patches. It’s fun and easy, it’s open and emotional: a rarity for grown men. A woman takes him for an optimist who does not want to “bother”, and hopes for a cloudless life together.
Problem:After a while, you find out: his optimism is not to solve life’s problems with desire and ease, but not to solve them at all. True, such relations last, strangely enough, for a long time: this type is an excellent manipulator.
It is these men that cause the majority of women to realize the maternal instinct: the illusion that he “grows up” with you, is very addictive.
How to recognize: Such men are distinguished by great mobility and youthful appearance (regardless of age): an open forehead, a child’s facial expression, a clear broad smile. The fact is that so a man unconsciously uses the most effective for him manipulative strategy of the “little boy”, and facial expressions, the habits for it are “adjusted”.
3. The hardened bachelor
A man who built a career by the time he blossomed, bought an apartment and a car and was not married at the same time – the dream of most of the women’s hearts. After all, it is you who will become his first wife and avoid all the difficulties of “the wife of a soldier”.
Problem:Bachelors are different. This is either a misogynist who wants to build a house, grow a garden and even give birth to children, but does not intend to chain himself by marriage. Women in his understanding – a second-class creature (although he will smile at you, but can easily scold the last words, for example, a waitress). Either an intimophob who fears close relations and is frightened of even thinking about the fact that someone else will appear in his life besides work. Finally, there are mama’s sons: they do not mind getting married like that, but on the stove they sit handy. You will have to solve the problems of any of them.
How to recognize:A universal sign: a lack of desire to discuss the possibility of marriage. 25-35 years is the age when a person is affected by a social requirement to marry. Attempts of serious relations in these terms reflect the ability to satisfy socially significant norms, says the psychotherapist of the Insight clinic Igor Lyakh. If these standards are carefully avoided by the man, it is likely that he is in principle incapable of an alliance.
4. Abandoned by
Him, so good and intelligent, women did not appreciate. He can even have children from his first marriage, and he loves them very much. That’s just an ex-wife bitch. A good man, and women he came across bad.
Problem:It’s sad, but such a man was really thrown. As a child, he could, for example, lose one of his parents, and the second, who had not matured enough, did not engage in raising a child. Adults of his good motives, unhappy, regretted. Having grown up, this man did not believe that he could be loved. A woman who fell in love with this, perfectly suited the role of a pitying mother: “they were all bad, and I’m good.” That’s only in such a tandem nothing can be created: almost all forces will go to eternal comfort. And you, after such a “whiner” is likely to run into the arms of “aggressors” or “womanizer”, taking them for “real men”.
How to recognize: Too many tale stories of former failures. As suggested by Igor Lyah, men of a conventionally “normal” type usually prefer stories about their exploits to tearful stories about bad women.
5. Charming chatterbox A
creative personality, a charming and a company star. Causes love at first sight. Enchants for a second, and now you are already making plans for the upcoming wedding.
Problem:“By chance, it turns out that he has a family, but his relationship with his wife is terrible. Further more. If he can pity, he will start borrowing money from a woman to solve unexpected problems. And, of course, against the background of the promised gold mountains, this will seem an accidental absurdity, which you should not pay attention to, “argues Olga Shamsutdinova. Such men are dangerous because they will expose you without a twinge of conscience, and, God forbid, they will become a husband: stories about debts for which wives pay – reality, and not chatter.
How to recognize:At first glance, it will not be possible to recognize, because in the courtship period many men “push their tails”. It is much more useful to look at his surroundings and friends: men do not like talkers and prefer not to have serious business with them. If there are no friends or they obviously avoid it in serious matters, then the elect has problems with the concept of “keeping the word”.
Conclusion:If we answer the question, what attracts women to men who are not fit for serious relationships, then almost all types of response will be one – their complementarity. A “big baby” who does not want to grow up will attract the attention of a woman who does not have a maternal function. “Abandoned” again and again chooses women who unconsciously do not want to build long lasting relationships, “Olga Shamsutdinova sums up and advises paying attention first of all to herself: in order not to step on the rake, one must learn to look under the feet.