Today, in times of objective deficit of men, so many women are looking for their spouse, that sometimes they do not notice the qualities of the chosen one, who can turn a love affair into a love nightmare.
Too great is the desire to see in every man the one with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. But sometimes life presents surprises in the face of not the gentlemen that we need. She learned about how to calculate such a man.
Son of his mother
Perhaps the most famous type of men who cause rejection in the majority of mature women in the stage of cohabitation. The catch is that at the first stage of the relationship, this man can be quite attractive. “Such men usually seem to be reliable, with traditional family values,” Tatyana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the Perinatal Center, explains, explaining that the choice of the wife is made by such a man in the image and likeness of the mother, that is, the ideal woman in his understanding.
So, the whole complex of tenderness for a woman at the stage of courtship will be received by her. Problems begin after marriage: a man can compare his wife with her mother in small things. And it often turns out that the wife in everything is slightly, but not enough. As psychologists say,
“The wives of men of very different ages complain of infantility, both young and very mature,” says Nikita Lozin, director of the psychological center Harmony, arguing that the symptom of Mamochka’s son can be safely called life: it’s impossible to fix such a man.
But you can become a new mother: there is a type of women who have an increased propensity to guardianship, it is for them such a relationship option is suitable. But with one condition: the living space of a young family should not overlap with the maternal. “Even if a woman could replace a mother with a mother, she most likely will have conflicts with her mother-in-law,” says Tatiana Skritskaya, and therefore the only way to live in peace is to live separately.
I am a pessimist
So the representative of the next group can proudly declare, constantly telling about how difficult it is to live now. And the numerous cases from a life full of troubles, especially in the presence of non-standard thinking, make him an interesting storyteller, who may well be attractive. Especially for women who are not averse to complaining themselves: two kindred spirits, grieving about the fate of the evil world, will always be drawn to each other.
“Young and unlucky” also like those women who want to keep everything under control. As Tatyana Skritskaya told, playing the role of a sorceress who constantly proves to her beloved that the world is brighter and more beautiful, she thereby receives a powerful confirmation of her own worth.
But such alliances are strong only so long as their cohabitation is not overshadowed by real difficulties: “Pessimism is a character trait that manifests in a person throughout his life. The better and calmer the environment, the less it manifests itself, and vice versa – the worse around, the more unbearable are the attacks of discontent and bad mood, “the psychologist continues. Therefore, during a period of economic instability (to which people who are prone to depression react particularly acutely) living with such a partner can become simply unbearable.
And to live in a hurry, and feel in a hurry
Another type – passionate lover, who wants to keep up everywhere. On the first date, he certainly gives roses, the first sex is desirable for him on the first date, and to call married after a week of acquaintance is quite normal. Women are attracted by such men because of their passion – after all, one wants to believe in love from the first date and passion from the first kiss. And the rapid development of relations – an excellent occasion to show off to your friends. “Such behavior may be associated with a syndrome of hyperactivity,” says Nikita Lyozin. Childhood illness, which is usually manifested by restlessness in school, can give consequences in the form of such grief-lovers. “Such men fall in love very easily, but they can not love,” the psychologist summarizes.
In addition, psychologists remind: under the mask of ardent passion often hiding a trivial self-interest, not necessarily material. “For example, a man can prove to his former that he will not remain alone,
” explains Tatiana Skritskaya, recommending that before giving in to the call of a strong feeling, it would not be superfluous to show a little skepticism and learn a little more about her chosen one and his entourage.
I will not tell you anything
Slightness is the quality for which real men are valued. Therefore, a person who speaks little of himself, or generally prefers to keep quiet, often turns out to be an object of increased interest, especially for women with a rich imagination. However, then it may turn out that there are some discrepancies in the few information that a man still communicates. For example, a true job or passport age are a bit different from those that were voiced to you.
“Usually it’s a person who has problems with self-esteem, he is afraid to show his true face, he is afraid of himself as he is, therefore he prefers to remain silent or inculcate,” says Tatiana Skritskaya. “If such a situation arises, the simplest and right decision is to ask directly.”
But it is worth remembering: if at the very beginning of the relationship there were some omissions, then most likely the person will be insincere in more serious matters.
Beware, I’m addicted
The last but not the least, the sign of the modern world is the widespread distribution of men who depend on something. From a computer, alcohol or a favorite hobby. If the unconditional harm of drug use and nightly beer has long been appreciated and condemned, then another enemy of the family – a hobby in the form of computer games – is fraught with no less danger.
“Now it is believed that the game dependence is treated worse than drug addiction and alcoholism,” – outlines the scale of the problem Tatiana Skritskaya. A clear criterion of dependence is the criterion of inadequate behavior outside the usual situation – if a man becomes too aggressive, anxious or withdrawn, if he has broken contacts at work or in a friendly circle.
In other words, it takes a little more attention and less illusions, to which women in love are so inclined.