The complex of the honors pupil meets at women and after the termination of high school. Some attitudes about sex and how a woman should look in her, what she should do and what to say, turn into stereotypes, and women are stubbornly trying to match them.
What are the qualities that men appreciate in sex in fact, what can be neglected, and how not to overdo it, seeking perfection, with the help of psychotherapists and sexologists, the correspondent of SHE explained.
1. To take the initiative
Any woman wants a man to diligently work for her and constantly foment her desire. She wants to feel like a fallow deer, after which the hunter-seducer is chased. For men, in general, this role is like, but there are two nuances. First, too long to chase the prey is rather tiring, so most men appreciate when a woman lights up from just his touch or even the very fact of desire.
Sexologists say that for men this property – quickly “catch fire” – is important because this is the best manifestation of the fact that a woman appreciates the feelings of a man: “If I get excited from you, you realize this and get excited too.”
“Professional hunters do not run after prey. They set traps, they sit in ambush.So for most couples, sex is no longer a safari, but rather a picnic trip, when they are all cooked together, “
continues Igor Sidoroyev, a psychotherapist at the Sibneymore Clinic, turning to the second nuance of the” hunt “: the hunter does not mind at all if the prey will come to seduce him first, for example with an erotic film at the ready. A rare man does not appreciate the skillful activity of his lady.
2. Be well-groomed
No matter how much the supporters of “naturalness” and “withdrawal from stereotypes” scream, we live in the era of propaganda. “Today there is a very intrusive propaganda of youth, youth and success. And youth itself is served as a success, and practically an indispensable attribute of youth – harmony and elegance, not to mention the quality of the skin, the absence of gray hair, etc. Sociologists have long known the fact that the status of a man is perceived by others is much higher if a beautiful young woman is next to him, the younger and more beautiful, the higher the status of a man, “argues Igor Pozhidaev, recalling that all these stereotypes are willy-nilly carried over and for sex: well-groomed partner excites more and have sex with her more pleasantly.
But where is the line? After all, some girls can not go to bed without make-up, others do not consider slightly unshaven legs a catastrophe. “Criterion one: we need to eliminate what the man reacts with the negative,” says Igor Lyakh, a sexologist at the Insight clinic, but makes an important reservation: a woman who has heard a request to do, for example, grooming, should not be mortally offended, considering herself ” defective and defective “.
This is called identifying yourself with the object of criticism: if a man does not like an intimate haircut (or long nails, or a strong tan, or pale skin – anything) it does not mean that he does not like you. Many women, by the way, react to requests for external changes painfully for this reason.
3. Loving your body
Complexes about appearance – a problem not only for women, but for men: as visuals, they hate when a naked woman seeks to close a blanket or turn off the light in the bedroom.
“If a man is next to a woman, then it seems to him attractive. If a woman is embarrassed by her body, she tells the man that she is not good enough, she has flaws.
And the fact that the man does not see them, speaks of his blindness. Or stupidity. In addition, a woman, telling a man that she considers herself not beautiful enough, thereby encourages him to look for her shortcomings. And who is looking for, he always finds, “- reveals the background of the male psyche Igor Pozhidaev.
So, if you voluntarily ended up in the same bed, this is a 100% guarantee that the man will not be afraid of your cellulite or small chest. What if the body is not perfect, and the complex does not get out? Learn to move and develop plasticity, says sexologist Lyah: the plastic of the female body is always more important than its shape, and the man is more impressed by the grace of movements, and not the shape of the body, and certainly not superfluous or missing centimeters.
4. Do not be silent and do not pretend in bed
The man sharply feels a falsity, and if he has at least one reason to doubt that a woman experiences an orgasm for real, he will think that he is a rather bad lover (in fact, from the point of view of a man, a woman’s orgasm is his merit). The bottom line: he will either lose faith in himself and really become a bad lover, or he will want to check it out on the side. If the man of your deception does not notice, this is a sign: he is carried away only by himself, and, in fact, he does not care who he is having sex with – or with a rubber doll. A good option of the three does not loom.
However, lying down and dullly enduring the movement of a man in anticipation of his finish – also not an option. Instead of simulation, it’s best to do stimulation. “If a woman is willing to try and make herself comfortable for herself, then she likes it, and she is more likely to agree to enjoy the other,” explains Igor Pozhidaev.
“We need to train the ability to enjoy not only from orgasm, but from the whole process, from caresses, touches, dialogue” Igor Lyah sure that success awaits someone who does not consider orgasm the only purpose of sex.
5. Be frank and not be afraid of experiments
Men are not taught at school, how to make a woman nice, have to do self-education. Some learn faster, others – worse. But any man will be grateful to a woman if she helps him in this difficult matter. He will be grateful to the woman for not having to guess how and where to pet her best, because she herself told him about it. The main thing is that this should be a clue, not a reproach (they say, you do not do it the way I like it).
It is important not to cross yet another border. “You can not be pretentious, in other words, reporting on your pleasant feelings, you should not do this excessively and with a lot of humor”, – Igor Lyah warns that the sense of proportion will not hurt: loud shouts can excite a partner, but it’s not worth it to be especially zealous in this matter. In bed, it means that you are well and without theatrical numbers and scenes from porn films.
“In a society, a person can not get the right to be sincere just like that, and if this sincerity can be achieved in a loving relationship, this is a great luxury that further strengthens relations,” concluded Igor Lyakh. If it is not about one-off partners, then respect for each other’s interests, sincerity and the perception of a loved one as the best source for pleasures, including sexual ones, will be the best guarantee of passion.