Male worldly wisdom, which is somewhat different from women’s, says that a good wife does not leave her husband. Preachers of this incredible ideology do not bother with details and arguments.
Does not go away, and that’s it! Stories from the life of the female part of the population prove that they leave both the good and those who are just a little bit short of an angel. The correspondent of SHE decided to get to the truth and find out why modern men are leaving and how much women are involved in this.
The departure of a man from a girl with whom he had shared a bed for a year, or his wife, with whom he lived for a quarter of a century, is a phenomenon that we have already become accustomed to. Since women moved away from the stove and began to get food alongside men, their ability to survive has grown noticeably.
Now men with an easy heart leave the common dwelling, giving the woman the opportunity to prove herself in the role of the breadwinner.
“A modern man has the opportunity to leave his family, primarily because the emancipation of women has occurred and the modern woman is not threatened with a” starving death “without his economic support. Women themselves provide themselves financially, as well as take on many other functions that were previously exclusively male “, – notes Natalia Churkina, associate professor of the Department of Social Work and Social Anthropology of the NSTU, teacher of the regional educational and methodological center” Family “. To list all reasons within the framework of one article is impossible, we will consider some of the most common ones.
1. To leave is easy.In our time, no one is surprised by the divorce: the neighbors do not whisper behind their backs, the authorities do not disapprove, their parents sigh on the topic “about times, about customs”. The presence of a stamp in the passport does not change anything – many still consider themselves open to new relationships. Sociologists explain this by devaluing the role of marriage, statistics ruthlessly laughs at those who register marriage at the registry office, and on those who are married in the church.
“It is very simple to terminate a marriage in a modern society, and if it is a question of cohabitation, partners often do not recognize any obligations towards each other,” complains Natalia Churkina. “So they stay together until they meet someone” better. ”
This form of relationship is called serial monogamy – it implies that a man (or woman) is always available for marriage, regardless of whether he is married or not. ”
2. Unjustified expectations. “You did not live up to my expectations,” “You did not become a good wife to me,” “You ruined my life” – a list of bitter accusations can be continued, and they all talk about one thing – unjustified expectations. With the same success you can take offense at a budgie, that he lived with the owner for three years, but he did not speak. If a man has been silent for years, you, like that parrot, may not even suspect that, according to his fantasies, you should have committed.
When the list of claims is already announced, and the suitcases are collected, the only thing that can be done is conclusions for the future. Do not hesitate to be curious and talkative at the beginning of the relationship – ask questions and tell yourself. Hopes that you know him as flaky, and he will understand everything, are not always justified.
3. Too many demands. Men often complain with insult to the endless demands made by women – they say, everyone is unhappy.
Having achieved much, the weaker sex has become stronger – women have to raise the bar of their claims, men – to jump or stand on tiptoes to match.
Fear not to satisfy a woman breaks out – many get tired of high jumps and, without waiting for them to leave, go themselves.
“Such fear is the result of one of the most important gender-role conflicts of our time. Men feel compelled to compete for the acquisition of interpersonal, financial or sexual power and seem successful in all their affairs, “says Natalia Churkina, emphasizing that if a woman dominates in a pair, earns more and is more successful in her career, the separation may even be necessary for a man. In this case it is difficult to influence the situation – it’s pointless to give up healthy ambitions, if you have them. It is equally pointless to try to plant them to a man, if he does not have them.
4. He does not want to change.It’s hard to believe you, your mom or girlfriends. But he does not want to quit smoking, although it’s bad for health, go to work, although it’s good for the family, and throw this awful sweater, although you hate it with all your heart. And he has the right to do so. Over time, a man ceases to resist constant criticism and reconciles with the imposed way. Imagine his surprise when any nice girl (and this always meets at the most suitable moment) will see in him not a loser, but an intelligent and pleasant interlocutor. In it again it will be hard to believe you, your mom or girlfriends.
Psychologists tirelessly invoke periodically to recall the good that once attracted you to a partner – not only children flourish with praise. Otherwise, the same fear arises not to satisfy the woman, and most men can not tolerate him. After all, once you rushed to him across the city, inhaled cigarette smoke and did not notice the terrible sweater.
5. He wants freedom. Men are still more focused on the outside world, with its stormy busy life and temptations. Serious relationship means voluntary giving up many of them.
The fear of “tying oneself forever” is usually manifested in men psychologically immature. But the role can play a woman.
“There are women who completely” dissolve “in a man and almost forcibly impose their feelings on him,” says Natalia Churkina. A completely natural reaction is an attempt to break free. To prevent such a sad outcome, it is worth keeping a certain distance and tying with a bad habit to control.
From bad habits in general it is better to get rid of. And sometimes it is the prospect of parting that is necessary to understand this and stop in time. Or stop it.