Sometimes although we love our partner and invest emotions, time and efforts in the relationship it turns out it’s not loving what we receive in return.
Instead of being rewarded with respect and affection for our devotion to the partner what we get is toxic behavior which tends to ruin us psychologically.
Remember, abuse comes in several forms (it’s not necessarily physical), and unfortunately, sometimes we choose to ignore abusive patterns from those we love because we’re afraid to lose them. However, it’s absolutely right what people say – you are better alone than badly accompanied.
To help you reveal your partner’s true personality, we have outlined 11 toxic behaviors (based on the opinions of experts) proving your partner is abusive, and you are better off without them.
1. They try to dictate what you should and shouldn’t do.
Our partner is also our closest person, so it’s normal to expect them to be there for us when we need help.
However, there’s a difference between giving help and controlling your life. If your partner is trying to dictate where you can and can’t go or what you can or can’t do, it’s abusive, explains Nina Rubin, M.A., and life coach. Of course, if your partner is not OK with your actions, you should discuss it, but it should be an open discussion.
2. They suffocate you with too much attention.
If your partner insists on committing too early on in the relationship, this could be a telltale sign they are abusive, Shlomo Zalman Bregman, a matchmaker, also shares this opinion:
“While all of the attention can be quite flattering, it’s also possible that he or she is suffocating you with attention because they have a desire to control you,” says Bregman. Be careful before diving right in.”
3. They abuse your personal space.
Everyone needs to have some personal space. So, if you notice that your partner is abusing your personal space, this is a sure red flag. Messages like “Just wanted to make sure you got home safely.” sent late at night could be considered a sign of deep love and concern. But if your partner continually doubts your words to make sure you told them the truth they start to become abusive.
“Sometimes they have surprise pop-ins at your place of work, and generally spontaneously show up at places he or she knew you’d be at. While some of this may seem romantic at first, it could be the sign of an unhealthy personality ” says Bregman.
4. They try to limit your contacts with other people.
It could be flattering when your partner loves you that much that they want you two to spend all your free time together. It can be quite unhealthy if they try to limit the contacts you have with friends, family, and the other people who were essential for you to before you met them. If your partner decides to take up all your time, it could be an abusive, controlling behavior.
5. They do not respect you.
If you feel disrespected or your partner is testing your morals and involving you in situations that put your boundaries to the test, you’re probably dealing with someone who is toxic. Bregman advises:
“Be firm, and if this keeps happening, you might want to cut ties.”
6. They don’t know how or don’t want to apologize.
A person who behaves like this is toxic and is not a reliable partner. In a healthy relationship, both people can acknowledge when they are wrong and apologize. They would also discuss their problems and find solutions together:
“If the partner can never see your point of view, or how they may be (even unwittingly) contributing to a problem, then this might be a sign of an abusive personality, and you should run in the opposite direction,” explains Bregman.
7. They belittle you.
It’s little surprise If your boyfriend doubts your driving skills, but if he makes you question yourself even after you’ve proved how good you are behind the wheel, it’s abusive. Dr. Ramani Durvasula also confirms this, psychologist, professor of psychology and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist.
8. They insult you, even in public.
That is cruel and extremely abusive, especially if it happens around someone from your close circle. Durvasula explains the following:
“If they make jokes or subtle insults about you in public settings, sometimes these may even feel like silly jabs, but putting your partner down in front of others is never acceptable.”
9. They never argue with you.
Your partner might not want to involve in arguments. Since sometimes peace is better than being right you can consider such behavior abusive only when it becomes a typical pattern. However, if there is a constant lack of communication in the relationship, and your partner shows no interest or have no time for your needs, it’s a warning sign of emotional abuse confirms Durvasula.
10. They don’t respect your feelings.
If your partner doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, and they claim it’s not normal to feel a certain way, this is abusive. You’re entitled to feel all kinds of emotions. According to Durvasula, this is a controlling tendency, that ignores whatever you’re feeling and is deprived of compassion.
11. They are jealous to the extreme.
If your partner is extremely jealous, it can be a sign that this person is emotionally abusive and is not a reliable partner for a long-term relationship. While Jealousy in little doses might spice up the relationship and reassure the partners’ feelings, being extremely jealous suggests that you don’t believe your partner, and that’s insulting and poisonous.
If you notice any of these abusive behaviors, it might mean it’s high time you left this person and put an end to the relationship.
If you still think there’s hope for you two, try turning to a counselor or have an open discussion with your significant other to eliminate these problems.