Everything you need for Lockdown: The Sequel

Spent lockdown isolating solo? Correct that immediately. Snap up the nearest warm body and lock that sh** down. You need a partner to fetch groceries with, to scream into the abyss with, to help you get into board games, to tie-dye all your clothes with.

Maybe you’ve even cuffed up, and nabbed yourself a plus one to the end of days. Bravo, this was smart. Now you have someone to get your yas-yas off with AND finish Netflix alongside. Find a willing victim/friend and yank them into your bunker ASAP.

Since lockdown measures began easing, we have all been living in a strange, knotty new normal of stagnated travel, masked tube trains and socially-distanced socialising. Or, what I like to call, a great big game of We’re All Kidding Ourselves.

We’ve known for a while now that a second wave could be on the cards-especially since The Rule of Six appeared this week. But now that we’ve lived through one lockdown; what lessons shall we take on to the next? In case you haven’t quite stocked up for your second wave stint, here’s your ultimate survival guide…

Get Yourself A Project

If Lockdown The Original taught us anything, it was how woefully unprepared we were for being bored-in-the-house-in-the-house-bored. (Also, how much we hate that song with the fiery power of a thousand suns.) But with some forward planning in place, you can nail down some solid lockdown projects of distraction.

Maybe it’s the novel you never got around to writing, maybe it’s that weird beading business you wanted to start. It could be bulk buying enough jigsaw puzzles to get you through till January or finally painting your bedroom. It could be learning how to make faux fur face masks (#winteriscoming). Get a hobby. Now.

Nail that winter lockdown lewk

If summer lockdown was all tie-dye co-ords and ironic bikinis on your balcony, the winter edition is going to be a far snugglier affair. Invest in a variety of woolly socks (maybe even some novelty ones). Snap up those fluffy Ugg sandals. Buy as many oversized jumpers that double up as tents as you can. That way you can retreat into it and hide when all the zoom quizzes start back up again.

If you only *just* got round to exploring TikTok, be prepared for a whole new social media wunderkind to dominate our eyeballs and our lethargic, tepid dance moves. For all we know Trump may have banned TikTok by winter lockdown, Kanye’s rumoured Jesus Tok may be up by then (will we all be at Sunday Service come November?) and zoom may be a thing of the past.

Who knows? We may be in driverless Tesla offices by early 2021 or have officially decamped on a Virgin Galactic flight to Covid-safe lunar space. Sounds ridiculous? Sure- remember when you thought 2020 was going to be *your* year? Yeah. That.

App Up

Do not be caught unawares. You want everything to facilitate maximum comfort but you do not, if possible, want to leave your house under any circumstances. Research your delivery options now and snare the best food, wine, beauty and more that can be delivered straight to your door. If you play your cards right, you’ll have such a full roster of services at your fingertips by the time Boris cancels Christmas, it will be like you have a personal butler.

Bulk up your box-sets

If a second wave surges and crashed on to the beach of our AW 2020 hopes and dreams, the least we can do is line up some back-to-back entertainment for our confinement. Get Disney + and catch up on your childhood favourites in a pillow fort and the poor-unsuspecting soul you snared into being your Covid buddy.

Take a bite out of Apple TV just so you can watch Jennifer Anniston and Reese Witherspoon snarl at each other on the Morning Show, finally succumb to the years of passive aggressive messages from Amazon and get Prime. The aim is to get so many streaming services, they combine into a gooey lake of television distraction.

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