Problems in sex for women are no less relevant than problems with weight. Every second knows that he is the enemy of an ideal figure.Even if you wake a woman in the middle of the night and ask about it, she will give a clear list of products that kill a girl’s slenderness. But the list of what does not have the best effect on sexual life, not everyone will give out, even finally waking up. And unlike extra pounds, this delicate topic can not always be discussed with a friend over a cup of tea. The enemy must be known in person, SHE correspondents decided and asked for answers to specialists.
The fact that a partner must be loved and loving, there can be no doubt. However, even with him, sometimes there are moments that can turn a night of love into a failed holiday. According to the director of the Anti-Stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko, the main enemies of sex are negative emotions, and a small anxiety can increase sexual desire, while a strong anxiety will only slow it down. Consider in detail the moments that negatively affect the intimate life.
1. The size is not the same
Most people are dissatisfied with something – someone the size of their salary, someone the size of their breasts. And if the salary stays outside the bed, then the experience of inconsistency with the standards of beauty can emerge just in it, at the most unfortunate for that moment. “This internal conflict is absolutely the same for both sexes,” comments Igor Lyakh, a sexologist at the Insight clinic. – If a person is not happy with himself and projects a negative attitude towards himself on relations with a partner, then sexual relations are violated.
When a powerful internal conflict exists within a person, it is more difficult for him to switch his attention to sexuality (his and his partner) and sexual action. “
But if you learn to disconnect from your experiences, regardless of whether you meet the standards of beauty or not, the intimate life will be brighter and more pleasant.
2. Lovely curses
In some pairs of violent quarrels end with no less stormy sex. Exchanging “courtesies”, a man and a woman go to bed for reconciliation. According to Igor Lyakh, this happens when a person saves aggression on a partner: “If an active breakthrough of this aggression occurs, then good sex is obtained, because the partners are more liberated and can afford to be what they want.”
In a situation of serious, long-lasting, unresolved conflicts, conciliatory sex can serve as a means to relieve tension. “If tension during the conflict does not take threatening proportions, then this option becomes a convenient way that couples intuitively find,” comments Maxim Zagoruiko, recalling an example from the animal world where the female chimpanzee assumes characteristic postures in the event of her discontent and, as a result, ends with sex.
However, regularity in this matter can play a bad joke, psychologists warn. If you have already adapted to the “conflict-sex” mechanism, but as a fire you are afraid of parting with a partner, then, in the usual embrace after a quarrel, you risk becoming a victim of the neurotic need for sex: after all, sex will be the only symbol of unification, to which you again and again will strive. In addition, we are still different from chimpanzees, so to solve all conflicts we only need to be able to talk.
“There is an erroneous opinion that a partner must guess what I want. And if you do not know – then it’s not my man or my woman, because he does not feel me, “says Maxim Zagoruiko.
3. Take on the chest
Take ten drops not so much for sagrevu, as for the removal of stress – the usual ritual, not only male, but also female. Now you can safely stretch your shoulders and rush into the fight to embody the most secret fantasies. “There is an opinion that alcohol helps to improve sexual life,” says Igor Lyakh. – It is due to the fact that this “pains” the painful part of his conflict, a person is liberated psychologically. ” According to him, alcohol becomes a kind of symbol – a man himself gives himself permission not to worry about a small member or heavy weight. But the complexes about their appearance – nothing compared to the consequences of family gatherings with alcohol. “Whenever a couple begins to want sex, they have a thought – do not drink to us. Family alcoholism is ensured, “- sums up the sad results Igor Lyakh,
4. And porn, and fervently
Despite the fact that sexologists often recommend a joint viewing of pornography, it is worth remembering that even the most innocuous medicine used in large quantities can cause unpleasant symptoms of an overdose. “Pornography cultivates a certain stereotype of sexuality, there you can see women of a certain type, and if the husband begins to compare his wife with them, it can destroy their relationship,” warns Maxim Zagoruiko.
According to Igor Lyakh, pornography can be a way to compensate for the need for sex – when a man finds in the picture what the partner does not agree with for anything. In this case, fantasizing, he brings to the real life the elements of what he saw. It’s quite another thing when a partner is alone, while a man looks “it” while sitting at a computer. It is important to understand why the photos of blondes attract him more than you. Often this can be done only with the help of an experienced specialist. As an example, Igor Lyakh cites the situation when a woman wants a child, and a man does not, and realizing that real sex can lead to conception, he goes into the world of pornography: “From real relationships, attraction and excitement, they pass to the sharing of power – will be either in my opinion, or in your opinion.
5. The Little Giant
Some couples imagine themselves to be heroes of an erotic film and expect from themselves and from the partner too much success in the bed scenes, and when they are lacking only on “one take”, they are terribly worried. As a result, they begin to have sex not for pleasure, but only because it is so necessary.
“A man can think that he should always have an erection or that he should be able to have sex all night,
– gives examples of men’s expectations Maxim Zagoruiko. Women also attend these thoughts – for example, they (sometimes under the influence of the beloved question “Did you finish?”) Believe that they should experience orgasm every time. “Unrealistic expectations can be mixed – when there are expectations from themselves and from the partner. This happens when a person does not accept the partner as he is, and tries to fit them into some kind of framework, “says Maxim Zagoruiko.
In an attempt to expand their sexual horizons, the human factor is sometimes ignored. It may well be that multi-orgasms or unusual types of sex in exotic places are not at all what the partner really wants. After striving for a new, we still appreciate what is considered old and commonplace – respect, patience and understanding.