If we believe evolutionary psychology, we are flirting with only one goal – to leave a trace on the earth in the form of full-fledged offspring. And for this we need to demonstrate to the males sitting at the bar counter their high genetic value. That’s why we straighten up – focusing on the chest, smiling, demonstrating the traditional feminine virtue, and throwing fiery glances, showing their willingness to contact.
It is believed that subconsciously women are tuned to tall and muscular macho, able to feed and protect potential offspring. And men, according to scientists, evaluate the ratio of the waist and hips (for breasts, not a word!): The best fertility rate is a coefficient of 0.7. That is, if you have a waist – 70, and hips – 100, this is something. It’s a technology worked out over the centuries, so forget about world standards.
However, social psychologists approach the question of flirting with greater imagination and piety. We are different from animals, they say.
We have flirting – this is not an instinct, but a real art. We do not just shoot our eyes and play with a shoe – we flirt absolutely consciously.
Moreover, in any bookstore you will find a pile of fine books with a large font calling for seduction of men by special instructions. As for bald little men and women with narrow thighs – and they also like – the tastes of people are more diverse than in animals. Brutal male males are, of course, good, but many powerful Schwarzenegger prefer the dreamy khilik DiCaprio. By the way, Woody Allen does not look much like Tarzan, but does not suffer from lack of female attention.
Flirt – a form of attracting attention. Sometimes serves as a prelude to sex, sometimes just a game. Expressed in the exchange of signs of attention, often having a sexual implication (Wikipedia).
How does this happen?
Successful flirting is not a demonstration of your charms and not an attempt to impress. The main thing that needs to be done is to make it clear to a person that you like him. You know yourself – when they tell you that you like someone, interest in this person immediately grows. Show your sympathy and find out whether it is reciprocal, using verbal and non-verbal signals. Most people, talking about flirting, mean exactly playful chatter – and in vain. When we meet new people, 55% of information about them comes from the body language, 38% from intonations and voice, and only 7% from what they say. It is nonverbal communication that becomes the main way of communication – you do not know what the guy is behind the bar. And what if you are not his type?
Most often during flirting, women use the same techniques, conscientiously painted in gloss and in the thin books mentioned above.
Eye contact. A prolonged gaze is a very powerful tool. In ordinary life, we try to avoid this view. If the “victim” (sorry, dear men!) Responds with a smile, which is a good sign. And if he turns his eyes away – this is in any case better than directly hearing that he is waiting for another lady.
Open posture. Most of us have good control over our face – we nod even when we do not agree, pretend that we are interested, although we want to die with boredom. But the position of the body can give away all our thoughts with the guts. It uses techniques that demonstrate your femininity. For example, arching your back, you will emphasize the chest. And the pose of the foot on foot with the swinging and changing feet has already become a classic – it draws attention to the lower part of the body.
Smile and gestures.These are known things, like open palms, light movements of hands at the end of sentences, nods of the head, etc. By the way, psychologists say that it’s best to nod one time. Constant nodding during a conversation causes the interlocutor to speed up the pace of speech, and single nods relax and facilitate a leisurely conversation. And, of course, a dazzling female smile is a sign of approval.
Light touch. Of course, we are not talking about pronounced grasping reflexes, but about light, “casual” touches. This is a transition to a new stage of communication, more intimate. Therefore, in order not to be misinterpreted, it is better to use this device in moderate doses.
Compliments and jokes.It all depends on the situation. But compliments in his address, personal information about himself and a sense of humor can work wonders. And in what words you express all this, it already depends on you and the internal attitudes – your and your interlocutor.
Pros of flirting
Probably, women have occurred nevertheless not from monkeys. Because female flirting does not at all imply a subsequent copulation. More precisely, sex is implied, it is hinted at in every possible way, but somehow hands do not reach. A woman is fascinated by the process itself – and what it will lead to is no longer important. Feeling of his own sexuality, attractiveness gives confidence. Click on the button to get the result. The first employee of the firm will fit. Most women know which button to press.
I shot my eyes – I got an interested look and a couple of compliments – I calmed down. Everything is all right, there is still gunpowder in the flasks – the military exercises were successful.
Now, if you see your prince – all the tricks are worked out. And if the prince is already waiting at home, a blossoming woman will appear before him (someone else’s attention excites and inspires).
Flirting is successfully used by young ladies, whose gentlemen are mean to praise. There are such men, of whom it is difficult to squeeze out not just what a compliment, but also the answer to the question “how are things at work?”. For her deserved “stroking” a woman goes to more talkative males. At the same time – flirting supporters are cheerfully flirting – adultery does not happen, and everyone is happy – her husband is not terrorized for his seclusion and taciturnity, and his wife is not hysterical about the lack of compliments. All this is great, but somehow not really. Just like the feeling of freedom from subtle hints and passionate glances with a colleague. Although for some time you can feel like the mistress of fate, talking on the brink of a foul with an old friend. The brain does not understand anything, a lot of hormones are thrown into the body, among them endorphins are the hormones of happiness.
By the way, some husbands just need to see how other males carnivorous lick, looking at his woman. This raises the husband in the eyes of other men – say, look, what pretty girl he got – probably he is a giant (in that sense or in some other). This self-assertion is most likely due to low self-esteem – a flirtation of the wife helps her husband wake up from a long sleep and return the honeymoon.
Disadvantages of flirting
Flirting is an invitation to an easy relationship, a demonstration of one’s freedom and, to some extent, accessibility. If this is really not the case – you do not plan to give further access or your husband is waiting for you at home – the negative consequences will not take long to wait.
First, you may be misunderstood. Men are focused on the result. The process is a process, but they go to a specific goal, and women who abruptly break a thin thread of intimate communication, they call the football word “dynamo”. You just tested on it your female receivers. And he, being a man, interpreted your behavior as a guide to action.
Secondly, if you are not free, there may be trouble with the reaction of the partner. If your lover is a jealous and impulsive person, things can end tragically. Take the trouble to explain what the interlocutor was talking about, looking into your eyes, and why you giggled, all the while adjusting your hair. But even if you have not been seen, the positive effect of flirting can dissolve from an overwhelming sense of guilt.
It is enough only to imagine what your faithful would have done, you have caught his eye. You can tell as much as you like about the fact that this is just a game without consequences. But if you are ashamed, apparently, there is something to blush.
Thirdly, you can play a game. Being bogged down in the depths of flirting, you did not notice how you lost control of the situation. And in fact from the very beginning you just tried to cheer yourself up, then just drank coffee, and then just kissed. And now you need to think about how to get out of this difficult situation. Quite innocuous things can lead to unpredictable consequences.
And although the animal world is much simpler and more understandable than the world of people, it is worth using exclusively human ability to analyze their actions and desires. After all, if you play in a fair way – you can do without negative consequences.