Sometimes, during a particularly cruel procedure – whether it’s waxing or anti-cellulite massage – I want to howl, not only from pain, but from universal injustice. It seems that suffering due to excess inches on the sides and insufficient on the chest is exclusively for women, and men live quietly and do not at all worry about their beer tummies and brilliant bald spots. Of course, this is not true.Representatives of the stronger sex are also preoccupied with their outer and inner world and complex, like women. What men are going through and what role women play in men’s complexes, the correspondent of SE recognized.
“Mechanisms for the development of complexes in men and women are similar,” commented the psychoanalyst of the Insight clinic Igor Lyakh. “In a sense, the complex is a role, a social mask that is deeply integrated with the personality and helps to maintain a certain stability, usually at the expense of efficiency.” And yet, men’s complexes have their own specifics. The desire to be a pioneer, explore new territories and defeat enemies – men in blood. “There is a good anecdote about this,” says Tatyana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the city’s perinatal center, who describes the stereotypes of thinking of men and women. The young father takes the daughter from the kindergarten, the girl tells how they played the dolls, the dad listened attentively, and at the end asked: “Well, who won?”.
Despite the heavy sighs of strong women that the peasants milled and do not seek anything, most men do not have enough doll games, it is important for them to win. Another thing is that not everyone has the resources necessary for victory – and this is a direct way to complexes and internal contradictions.
Do the body
Men can long giggle over the magazines for blondes and the aspirations of these same blondes to be at least a bit like the models from the cover. But for men in the modern world there are a sufficient number of magazines, which, by the abundance of pictures and the minimum of the text, allow the male brain to relax and take a nap. And if a man does not quite reach the muscular handsome from the cover, problems can arise. According to Igor Lyakh, for residents of big cities, appearance has a special meaning: “Appearance forms the primary perception and further development of communication, and it is the non-verbal components of communication that determine its depth and effectiveness.
In addition, through the care of his appearance, a person can change his emotional state, change his mood. The constitution is one of the most stable and important features of appearance. Therefore, the attention of citizens to their appearance grows and will grow. “
In and of itself, a visit to the gym does not pose any threat, and on the contrary – it is very commendable, the anxiety for a partner may arise in a woman if the man with excessive zeal is engaged and his self-esteem entirely depends on how many muscles he has pumped and what results he has achieved . “Men tend to find obsessive ideas that occupy them,” reassures the women’s director of the center of practical psychology and psychoanalysis “Satori” Alexander Fedchuk. – Previously, men went to war, and now they go to the gym. If earlier in traditional society women received answers to questions about how to behave with a man and people lived quietly, now everything is changing, and these changes are alarming. Only this is not a man’s problem, but a woman’s one. “
If your chosen one is seriously experiencing imperfections of appearance, you can weaken his tension. “One of the functions of women is to support attention to their loved ones,” says Tatiana Skritskaya. “If a man is complex because of his appearance, you need to support him in every possible way, without particularly focusing on external data, saying that besides this, he has other qualities that you value.” But it happens that the anxiety of a woman is associated with the discrepancy of her way of life with the changes that occur with the partner. In this case, psychologists recommend to support the successes and achievements of men and more to watch for themselves.
Where’s the money?
Despite the fact that many modern women can compete with men in the field of efficiency and stress, a man in the minds of the majority remains an earner, who must be able to earn money. In a sense, this is like sex: in school it is not taught, how it will do it, nobody cares – it should be able, and the point. If this topic is cultivated by the family in which the man grew up, or the woman with whom he lives, this becomes a problem. Especially if the woman herself earns more than a partner.
Igor Lyakh recommends starting from what kind of relationship you plan with a man, what are you waiting for in the future:
“Excessive expectations can destroy relationships at an unconscious level. You can not compare and reproach, demand and humiliate. If the feeling of falling in love allows you to put up with material inequality, in most cases, in the future, the man begins to earn more. ”
According to Tatiana Skritskaya, it often happens that in one pair people have roles and responsibilities in a certain way, but when the couple breaks up and these people create new relationships, the situation changes. The man who could not earn money with one woman, in other respects starts to earn this money. This may be due to a combination of factors, one of which is the behavior of a woman next to a man.
It seems that a man who does not miss any skirts, is confident in himself and in his attractiveness for the opposite sex. But this confidence is only foolish. “As a rule, short and irresponsible relations of a man with a woman allow a man to hide from them his shortcomings, emotional immaturity, infantilism, intimophobia, which would manifest themselves in a long relationship,” comments Igor Lyakh. “Expanding the list of his victories, a man can pay less attention to some painful factors for him personal self-realization, compensating for his failure in these areas.” And yet, according to the psychologist, the woman has a chance to build a serious relationship with the Don Juan. To do this, it is necessary to accept the hidden shortcomings and the failure of the partner.
It’s nice if you have confidence in a partner – it’s bad if he does not have confidence in you. According to Tatyana Skritskaya, Othello’s complex is associated with fear not to be the best – the more a man is not sure of himself, the more expectations he makes to a woman. “There is a saying:” Jealous – it means love “, which is suspiciously similar to the saying:” Beats means loves, “Igor Lyakh points out. – If, changing their behavior, a woman sees a decrease in the jealousy of a partner, then it is not worth worrying, but if he is jealous regardless of the behavior of his girlfriend – it is worth consulting with a specialist. “
Of course, to be a personal psychoanalyst for a man with problems – far from all women can. But it is worth remembering that much depends on us. “A woman can both strengthen the complexes of a man, and weaken,” recalls Igor Lyakh. “As a rule, men seek exactly those women, next to whom they feel more free and stable psychologically.”