Do you want a child? And what does your man think about this beautiful venture? He also touches the advertising of diapers and blurs in a smile when he sees the baby’s bubbling baby? If not, you are probably perplexed and look forward to when his father’s instinct will wake up. I do not want to upset you, but he may not wake up, and there are reasons for that. Why men do not want to have children and how to change it, learned the correspondent of SHE.
1. My brainchild
According to experts, the desire or unwillingness to have a child is associated with a huge number of factors, the main of which depend on education and the environment in which a person lives. According to the rhythm of life, our city lags behind supermegapolis, but we also accept the laws of the big city – we work hard, sleep a little and are very nervous. Especially now, when the society nervously jerks from the unpleasant news. “The father’s instinct for men is, but he begins to work when a man reaches a certain social status, self-confidence and his future. If before the father wanted a son and his birth was accompanied by ecstasy, now this has become much more difficult.
When society is going through difficult times, egocentrism, narcissism can prevent a man from even thinking about wanting a child. Therefore, he takes responsibility not to have children,
“says the psychotherapist of the Insight clinic, Igor Lyakh. According to him, this situation is typical for large cities, where often the father’s instinct is sublimated to work. Then the place of children is occupied by employees, scientific work or business.
2. I do not like children
“I do not like children,” he says, spreading his hands. Another confirmation of the thesis that if you have a child, you need to surround it with care and warmth. Otherwise you can stay without grandchildren. “If a man says that he does not like children, this means that at one time he was not loved when he was a child. This nedolyubylenny inner child is offended, and it must be somehow “cheated”. And while there is a personal conflict between the inner child and the adult, the parental instinct does not wake up, “warns the psychologist, the founder of the Institute of Counseling Alain Sagadeeva.
3. It’s such a responsibility!
Remembering childhood, a man could see how hard it was for a father who could not live, as he wanted, who had to fulfill many duties. It also happens that the father performed his parental functions, but trying on them, the man realizes that he does not want to live like that at all. This fear is not free, do not live as you want, and prevents him from agreeing to the birth of a child. “A person is afraid that he will be devoured by something that a woman will” devour “him, that he will be in chains of hyperactivity,” Igor Lyakh explains.
4. There is time, but there is no money.
Often, the financial position of the family becomes an argument in favor of abandoning children. Tempting pictures from the bright future, which are drowned with enthusiasm by potential fathers, often remain pictures. According to experts, if a man wakes up his father’s instinct, financial responsibility begins to work by itself – in other words: there would be a desire.
“Talking about financial costs – most often a way to disguise the doubts of a man in his own worth.
If a man doubts that he will be able to earn money, if it is necessary that life gives him such an opportunity, then this fear appears, “explains Alain Sagadeeva.
5. Manipulate this
Given that women are catching up with men in many spheres, maintaining their authority as head of the family is more difficult. The stronger the fear of a man that a woman will start to manipulate it – with the help of the child, this is easier. As practice shows, this fear has real grounds. At the stage of courtship, a woman can not say what she wants, at this time a man is active and intuitively gives her what she expects. But time passes, and the woman is already directly talking about her true desires, about which there was no speech at the stage of courtship, and a man who has passed into his normal, relaxed state, no longer wants to exert excessive tension. “If you first describe the true desires to each other, before the child starts, then the fear of manipulation disappears. Manipulation is possible only with insufficient knowledge of another person and himself,
Perhaps, in such a veiled form, a man makes it clear that he is not following you on his way. “If a man does not want a child, then he does not have the confidence that this is his woman,
” said Alain Sagadeeva. “In order to want a child, you must first want a woman. Similarly, a woman, in order to really want a child, you must first want a man, “agrees Igor Lyakh. Some of the men who matured before paternity perceive the child as an object of self-realization, and not as part of himself and his beloved. However, if a man feels the same from a woman – that they do not want him, but the child as an object – this can also cause unwillingness to have children.
7. Beauty is a terrible power
This fear persists not only some of the nulliparous women, but also their men – they are afraid that after the birth of the former maiden beauty there will be no trace. “There is an opinion that a man should be intelligent, and a woman should be beautiful. And the beautiful is not according to canons and standards, but one that is drawn to it, – says Alain Sagadeeva. – But when a woman switches to other spheres of being (for example, a child) and forgets that there is a husband, she ceases to feed the man with energy. Therefore, it is terrible for him to grow roots: suddenly the soil will change and he will become unusable – he will wither. ”
What to do?
“First of all, it’s worth asking yourself: I do not care who to give birth to or do I want a child from this man?” – advises Igor Lyakh. The desire to have a little man who will always be around may indicate a woman’s psychological immaturity – in this case she is simply afraid to take responsibility and is looking for someone with whom she could be divided. If you realize that you want a child from this man, you will have to work hard to find out what your couple is missing. “We will have to talk not only about ourselves and about him, we will have to talk about us,” warns Igor Lyakh. “If it’s WE, it’s a good sign.” At the same time it is important to learn how to enjoy the pleasure expected from the child in other ways, says Alain Sagadeeva: “This is both a preparation for the birth of a child, and humility. I want, that there was a child, and I’m preparing for this. Then the psyche is not traumatized, there is no sensation of loss of energy, and life becomes full. “