Parties aren’t meant to be reserved meetings where we keep a distance, consumed with panic that we will make a catastrophic mistake. That’s not a party that’s a job interview.
As lockdown lifts and we are offered this limpid, awkward decidedly-non-party-party replacement, I am filled with both a desperation for its original format and a fear that we may never party like that again.
Because what does a party look like in the age of Coronavirus? Will we ever feel safe again? Will we ever have a real post-Corona blow out?
“I want an enormous orgy with all of the actors from the Vikings show that I have been lockdown-binging on,” says Ruby Trent, 24, a writer from London when I ask her what her dream post-Corona blow out would be, “But in reality, I’ll probably see my two best mates and introduce my new cat to them. I panic when someone walks too close to me in the supermarket. I don’t think I will do well at a party until there’s a vaccine. ”
I want to have a party. Not a Zoom party, where my friends are reduced to a Rubix Cube of disjointed, blurry, freezing squares. Not a socially distanced party where I hug my friends like we’re Real Housewives forced to air kiss from too much Botox. Not a stilted picnic in a park where we sit at a polite, restrained distance the inhabitants of Downton Abbey would be proud of; yelling at each other over the sounds of the panic drumming in our ears.
I want a real party. A party that lasts till the sun comes up. A party that’s silly and joyful and tactile; where hugs are as prolific as tequila shots. I want a sweaty, messy party where the only thing that is a minimum of two metres away from me is a fully-stocked bar.
The orgy is on hold – that seems to be the recurring theme when I ask my question. There’s a dream yearning for madness, liberation and a hell of a party – but then there’s the crashing thud of reality.
“A rave, a massive, f**k off sweaty rave” says a friend, while another chimes in with “Ibiza, I want to just move to Ibiza for a few weeks and lose my mind. ” Anna Beasley, 31, a PR executive from London, tells me she wants to go to Italy with all her friends; “pool parties and long lunches, wine and laughter” while, Louisa Dennings, 27, a gym instructor from Liverpool keeps it decidedly old school; “I wanna get dolled up – nails, hair, tarty dress, the works – go and have drinks and be giggly and stupid. ”
But what will they actually do?
“Maybe a nice socially distanced dinner in someone’s garden? ” offers Anna – the Italy dream already disintegrating before my eyes, “I think it will take a while for us to feel comfortable partying in public. I have genuinely found myself wincing at club scenes in movies! ”
I know what she means. I read a book recently which contained a club scene and my brain involuntarily exploded with “what are you people doing? ? ? ? CORONA! ” I was then so depressed by this I sat and stared morosely at the wall for a few minutes wondering how the hell I got to a mental headspace where I am chastising fictional characters for having a good time.
But have we fundamentally been changed by lockdown? Do we even want to – actually, IRL – party anymore?
“As humans we’re very adaptable and we’ve adapted to lockdown,” says Simone Bose, counsellor at Relate, “The integration of being social again is likely to be quite gradual which may help in some ways so it isn’t such a shock. Some people will crave to be around people a lot and some may be very nervous to get back into having a lot of face-to-face social contact again. ”
Taryn Ross is Managing Director of Urban Junkies, an online lifestyle publication, dedicated to music, culture, nightlife, restaurants, bars – all the things we miss, basically. I ask her what she sees as the immediate future for the good old-fashioned party.
“I think mentally, people have socialised a lot less in the past three months,” she says, “Sure, everyone is excited to go out, but I bet it will be with less frequency, going forward, at least initially. There’s also the financial factor. People are definitely going to be cautious with spending. ”
“Additionally, mindsets have changed, people have slowed down and are somewhat enjoying it. I am not sure how many people will feel comfortable participating in ‘socially distanced’ gatherings. Park walk okay, but party? It doesn’t sound like it will work. I think a lot of people might wait until it’s 100% okay, to see people again, on the ‘party’ front. ”
I wonder what this has done to the party and events industry.
Mike Walker, the Managing Director of party planning company MGN Events, tells me it’s been an incredibly hard 2020 – with almost all of their big events cancelled or postponed. They are, however, hopeful for 2021.
“Next year is already looking like it will be our busiest year to date in our ten-year history,” he says, “We believe that, following lockdown and social distancing, people will be yearning for social contact, especially with their loved ones. No virtual event can ever replace the feeling of a shared face-to-face experience. We are social beings at heart! ”
In the immediate future, Mike believes that parties will just have to adapt. His company is working on smaller, outdoor events that comply to social-distancing guidelines and he thinks that parties will just evolve back to their old selves over time, as the group size for gatherings gradually increases and we get more and more scientific information on tracking and tracing – and even preventing – the virus.
But before that happens, parties will simply be different entities entirely, as opposed to watered-down versions of their big, bad original selves.
“I don’t see a dancefloor with 2m markings so people can dance safely;” says Mike, “That is just not going to happen! ”
Most of us are just using our imaginations to create a party that’s friendly to our times – Zooms, garden parties, park gatherings, but others are simply still partying like there’s no tomorrow.
Literally.
“I read a report about the exclusive, underground party scene happening right now in New York– which I found very disappointing,” says Taryn, “Not surprising, but disappointing; I thought people were more aware and concerned than that these days. I haven’t heard of anything officially like that in London yet. ”
Yet some people clearly are bending the rules, from those we can see in the parks and beaches to other more reckless gatherings…
“The week after Boris relaxed lockdown measures, I was kept up all night by my neighbours having a rager,” says a colleague, “There were definitely people there they had invited in – it was a proper party. ”
“Maybe they were all two metres away from each other at all times? ” I ask, like the ultimate party-pooper-fun-sponge that lockdown has made me.
“Yeah, not likely,” my colleague deadpanned.
However much I yearn for a proper party myself, knowledge that proper parties are happening right now, weirdly doesn’t fill me with envy, it makes me panic. Would I want to be at my colleague’s neighbour’s party right now? Yeah, no thanks, pass the anti-bac please.
That’s because the social pressures that worked on us pre-Covid – FOMO, YOLO, or what Taryn Ross brilliantly calls the social “hamster wheel” of London – don’t exist anymore. And as it gradually returns, we may find ourselves on two sides of the issue – those running back into big group gatherings and those who still feel afraid – and these conflicting desires may even be fighting it out within us.
Simone explains to me that this is because two contrasting – but completely natural – impulses are working on us right now; our panic over the virus, and our innate desire for human company.
“For humans being social is our way of surviving. If we get along with each other and are part of a group this gives us strength. The more networks we have the stronger we feel and the more safe we feel,” she says, “If we are on our own our paranoia and anxiety can increase because our natural instincts make us feel vulnerable and as though we are in more danger. It’s important that we can trust those in the groups and networks we’re part of and being aware of the nuances of people’s facial expressions and body language really helps with this. Touch also makes us feel connected to others, releases the endorphins in us and makes us feel part of a group. ”
Simone says that, while ragers feel a long way off, the small socially-distanced gatherings that will fill our short-term future are a step in the right direction for addressing this human need, and will aid our mental health.
“But remember everyone is different,” she says, “There may be some negotiation between yourself and friends about what feels comfortable to you. There’s a lot of social pressure to go and do things all the time. Some people who experience social anxiety are quite relieved at not feeling the same social pressure. They are also nervous about going back to socialising again. It’s a good idea to talk about this before you meet up and obviously always stick to government guidelines. ”
The post-Corona blow out is not simply not here yet. I imagine when a medication, vaccine or major breakthrough happens, that is when I will see the scenes I’m longing for. I want street parties the likes of which we saw after WW2 ended. With people jumping in fountains together and strangers kissing just because we can now.
And OK, so the post-lockdown party may be a poor replacement for this, a shadow of the ragers we’re hankering after, but the vitalness of human company – even if this is two metres away – cannot be underestimated.
That, as Taryn adds, is what will really fuel the Post Corona Blow Out;
“We have never appreciated our friends more. I, for one, know that there are a handful of people, who really got me through lockdown, and I hope I helped them too. I honestly think saying thank you to these people, and celebrating true friendship/support is going to be at the top of the post lockdown list. Lockdown is many things, and a bonding experience is definitely one of them. ”
My brain does, however, drift to the beautiful imagined party scenarios offered by my friends when I asked them about their post-Corona blow outs.
There was the extravagant – “a crazy villa in the middle of nowhere with just me and all my friends living our best lives and no one to tell us to turn the music down” – and the small, everyday fun of a righteous prank, that still makes me smile now…
“When this is all over,” said my friend Emma, “I want to find all the loo roll hoarders and cover their houses with their stashed supplies. ”
