Listen, I’m not gonna say I’m a commitment-phobe, but I once pretended to be running in a marathon to get away from a girl who tried to hold my hand. I used to think my fear was irrational. Then I read these…
“When we were first dating, I drunk texted my (now) husband asking him to come over for a booty call. Before he could respond, I texted ‘nevermind.’ To this day, he says that moment of ‘playing hard to get’ was the moment he knew I was the one he wanted to be with. But he doesn’t know that I said ‘nevermind’ because I had actually sent the same text to two other guys, and another one replied first.”
“That his favorite meal that I cook…is from the restaurant down the street.”
“When my husband and I have a fight and aren’t speaking, I secretly turn off the wifi so that he is forced to come downstairs and talk to me.”
“Sometimes I’ll secretly watch something by myself that I was supposed to watch with my husband later because I want to watch it without having to cuddle or share my snacks.”
“That I keep a list of the hilarious things he says in his sleep.”
“My husband is very irresponsible with money, so when we need to save for something, I lie and tell him we have less than we actually do, so that he doesn’t know the money is there to spend.”
“Sometimes I call him and tell him my texts aren’t sending, just to have an excuse to hear his voice.”
“Sometimes I buy an Amazon gift card from the grocery store so that the money I spend counts towards groceries, even though I use it to buy music or clothes.”
“My husband thinks I’m a much heavier sleeper than I am. If the dog gets restless in the middle of the night, I lie perfectly still until he gets up to take her outside, then I pretend in the morning that I didn’t hear her.”
“We went on a vegan diet together and he was really committed. But I always cheated on my lunch break and told him I ate a salad.”
This is literally me right now as an engaged man about to get married…
