12.04.2021

Cleavage, charity, and chasing away the suits

For those of you looking for the TL;DR version: From now until July 19th, every time someone downloads theCHIVE’s FREE APP (Android, iOS), we will donate $1 to Chive Charities. You heard right. You download. We donate.

If you’re a tough sell or you’re just waiting for the girls, keep on scrollin’.

theCHIVE app is the most downloaded and highest-rated entertainment app in the history of the App Store. There are a few good reasons for this: first and foremost, unlike our peers, we’re not afraid to celebrate the female form on theCHIVE…

The app has been so streamlined over the past 8 years it’s like surfing on a cloud. The APP rarely crashes and now ranks in the top 1% of fastest apps. And if you want it to be faster, you’re always welcome to activate the ads-free experience.

And to be honest, the app user experience is far superior to the mobile experience, which just honestly isn’t that great. Whenever people complain about our mobile experience, my response is always, “Totally agree, so have you downloaded the app yet??”

If you’re familiar with the App Economy in America, you know it’s a little bit broken. Apps aren’t downloaded like they used to be, even though most apps have only gotten better and faster. You can blame Apple for that (apps are not sharable). To combat this, every publisher allocates a monthly budget for “App user acquisition.” It’s a common practice, but I’ve never liked it.

*John puts on business hat for a hot second.

Basically, the app acquisition meetings look a lot like this situation here, except you can swap out the baby for some corporate suit man-child. An app user is the most expensive type of internet user – the average cost of acquisition is $2.63 per download, which has no cost benefit to us because the average lifetime value of a Chive App user is about $1.25. So I’m in this meeting like This guy is a snake oil salesman. Not my nephew but you get it.

That said, growing your app audience is important – that’s where the real Chive community hangs out and interacts. So Mac and I had an idea. Why not just take the money we had budgeted to give to the corporate man-baby and give it all to charity instead? That’s exactly what we’re going to do.

From now until July 19th, every time someone downloads theCHIVE’s free APP, we will donate $1 to Chive Charities. Through Chive Charities, we fight for the underdogs, the lost causes, and the people that seem to slip through the cracks. To date, we have raised $11.3 Million for misfits around the country.

So here we go!

Download the iOS App right here!

Download the Android App right here!

If you already have the app, please don’t uninstall it then re-install! It won’t register as a new download anyway so I can only extend a big thank you to those who have the apps already. Next Wednesday we’ll announce how much money we raised for charity!

Downloading theCHIVE app will benefit fellow Chivers rather than shallow suits, and overall we think this is much better than some of our other ideas – the 2017 Smash Meowth album Mac released comes to mind.

Thanks to everybody who contributes making theCHIVE the last free and independent website on the internet. We’ll continue paying it forward and being a bunch of drunk-but-socially-conscious misfits for as long as this crazy ride lasts. At the very least, please upvote and share this so we can raise as much money as possible for the orphaned causes.

PS – I’ll also be in the comments today to answer any questions. Criticism is always welcome, but do be constructive about it, all I ask.

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