It’s hard to say who worries more when a child goes to first grade: the first-graders themselves or their parents. Each mother wants her child to study well, be friends with classmates and go to school with pleasure.
Kids choose comfortable portfolios, fashionable suits, prepare a delicious dinner and give vitamins. But often, despite all the efforts of parents, a first-grader hates school from the very first days, does not want to go there. Because to him there it is bad.
Why the child does not want to learn and how to help him cope with problems in school, the correspondent of SE explained.
The first time in first class
It is generally accepted that the problems in school arise mainly in adolescents, simply because at this age the child has difficulties in all areas. However, as practice shows, the first-graders have difficulties almost more often.
“The parents of very many first-graders address school psychologists, because most children today go to school without being psychologically ready, and this certainly leads to problems,” says psychotherapist, director of the psychological center “Harmony” Nikita Lozin. “A child does not need to be able to count, write and read, his psychological development is much more important.”
Many parents believe that the problems are directly related to the age, for example, if the child goes to school from the age of 6. According to Nikita Lyozin, the physical age does not matter, in this case the psychological age is much more important, namely the child’s psychological readiness for school adaptation. Readiness experts understand good communication skills, development of speech, the ability to interact with others on the rules and regulations, the ability to cope with their emotions, empathy, focus. And, of course, the ability to learn and listen. If the child does not have all this, he will inevitably experience difficulties in school, both in the process of learning and in communication with his classmates.
According to the psychologist of the highest category of the center “Formula of Success” Valeria Matveenkova, among children there are certain groups of risk.
“As a rule, difficulties in school arise in children with neurological problems, who suffer from overexcitability, increased anxiety,” Valeriya says. –
Difficulties have children from single-parent families – because children tend to brag about the successes parents, but when there is nothing to boast of, it can cause isolation or aggression. And, paradoxically, among children from wealthy families, where parents spend 24 hours a day at work.
Such babies are left to themselves, they experience a large deficit of attention and love, which affects their ability to communicate. ”
Children in a cage
But even if the family has two parents with whom the child communicates every day, this does not guarantee the absence of problems in school, especially with regard to interaction with classmates. “Most parents do not give the baby to kindergarten, when her grandmother have the opportunity to sit with him at home, without hesitation, that he does not get sufficient skills to communicate with other children, – says Valeria Matveenkov. “At school it can lead to serious problems.”
Children are quite cruel and can tease a classmate, because he is quiet, slowly believes, full or wearing glasses. It can reach such proportions that the child simply does not want to go to school anymore, but more often than not, it will not be possible to clearly tell this even to his mother. “If a child has such problems, first of all it is worth talking to the teacher,” advises Valeria Matveenkova. – Parents see only the result, and the teacher – the process, the causes of conflict. Knowing the details, it will be much easier to talk with the child, to help him. ”
“Teasers were and always will be,” Nikita Lozin is sure. – Therefore, the task of parents is to show the child that this is normal, and to teach them to respond appropriately.
It is necessary to explain to the child that he must stand up for himself, to show that others will not be able to offend him just like that. The main thing is to approach this situation not from the point of view of the adult, but from the position of the child, to teach him to adapt in his world. ”
That is why Valery Matveenkov recommends talking with the parents of the offenders of his baby only in the presence of a teacher or a school psychologist, otherwise the conflict will develop into a confrontation of parents, which in no way will help solve the problem of children. If the teacher is the main source of offense, the psychologist recommends cardinal measures: “If the teacher treats children roughly, the style of work is similar to the military one, conversations will not help. It is better to take the child from this school, however elite it may be and no matter how experienced the teacher is. ”
I do not want, I can not and I will not
Much more often the reluctance to go to school in children is due to the reluctance to learn. Then there are all kinds of fictions about evil teachers and classmates, whims and boycotts. To abuse a child in this situation is impossible: the fact that he does not know how to learn is the error of his parents, because the desire to learn new is inherent in man by nature. Therefore, it is necessary to solve this problem together, and the process requires time and patience. “We need to find together with the child incentives that are suitable for him, then, what can be interested in him. If necessary, contact a specialist, for example a school psychologist, – says Valery Matveenkova. – The main thing is not to practice giving money for good grades, the child must learn that studying is necessary first of all for him. It is important to convey this through explanations, examples from life. ”
Experts recommend giving children at home any assignments, ask about their performance, thus developing in the child the responsibility and understanding that now there are things that need to comply with mandatory and not optional.
Sometimes problems are related to the fact that the child is simply not keep up with the program, Nikita Lezina explains the weak development of the imagination, “If it is not developed in a child, it is very difficult to take lessons, and everything new.
From the preschool age it is important to develop the imagination: together with the baby to compose stories on pictures, read fascinating books, invent biographies of some toys. ”
This will help different circles and sections, where games and activities are aimed not only at the development of logic and imagination, but also communication skills.
How will the first year of training take place, is of great importance for the further development of the child. If the first class seems to him to be a strict regime prison, he is unlikely to ever want to get a medal and enter a university. And the task of parents is not only to choose a good school and regularly check the diary, but to teach your child to love learning. And most importantly, to love him, even if the first estimate is a two.