There was a time in my life when I was exactly in that same place where you’re right now. I was in a relationship that made me lose sight of who I am.
A relationship that blinded me and forced me to forget about everything that truly mattered to me. But, the more I think about it now, the more I believe that it was me who trapped myself in that cage of steel.
Still, at that time I had no idea what was right and what was wrong. Because you see I was way too deep inside that world of lies to be able to understand what is really happening. It still hurts me when I say this, but I guess I was too weak to perceive the warning signs everywhere around me. Or maybe I was determined to make this person love me just as much as I loved them.
And perhaps, I was scared of the unknown. Perhaps, I was too afraid to stand up for myself, change my direction and finally search for the right path that will lead me to my next great journey.
But the truth is, I never wanted to admit my weaknesses. Silly me, in my eyes I believed I was strong for going through such hard times. I believed that everything I experienced has a certain purpose.
Well, when I think about it now, I cannot honestly say that those parts of my life made me exactly the person I am today.
However, it was something else that forced me to realize how foolish I was.
After a long time of lying to myself, it finally dawned on me that while I was desperately trying to make my life on the outside appear as a fairytale, my insides were hurting.
I realized that I cannot force something that it’s not meant to be. I realized that I simply cannot live pretending that my life is fine when in reality I was one breakdown away from complete and utter devastation.
It was right then and there when I realized that being strong had nothing to do with carrying the whole weight of my emotional pain on my shoulders. It had nothing to do with enduring the pain. It had nothing to do with trying to fix something that is broken. More importantly, it had nothing to do with surviving.
I finally learned that…
Being strong means having the courage to leave when there’s nothing left for you to hold on to. It means having the mental strength and emotional ability to suck it all up. It means accepting the fact that some things are not meant for you and it might take some time for you to heal your wounds. It means letting go of everyone that hurt you and leaving.
It took me a long time, but once I realized that I want to live this life and experience all its realms instead of being just a half-dead passenger waiting for their judgment day, I rediscovered myself.
From that moment on, I promised to myself that I will always be true to myself. I promised that I will focus on what matters to me, that I will value myself more and I will be very cautious when it comes to deciding who stays in my life and who goes.
And that is exactly what I did. I’ve accepted my past. But I also embraced my strengths. I somehow found the courage to overcome the fear of the unknown and start a new life.
Many decisions, many challenges, many mistakes, and a few disappointments later, here I am. My life has been completely transformed.
So, if you’ve been desperate for a sign, here’s one.
The truth is, there is no right time and no perfect moment for these things in life. It sounds scary, but you are alone in this. All you have to do is breathe in, take a leap of faith and dive in.