The role of the victim is an extremely common position in our time. Remember how much sympathy can be found among others, if you start to talk about how many problems fell on your head. A frequent response to someone’s tragic story: “how she was unlucky,” “no luck,” “how unfair life is with her.” And no one will be surprised at why she herself organized such events in her life.
To recognize the victim of the
Human with the position of the victim is quite easy to recognize. According to Natalia Gulina, Ph.D., head of the Institute of Counseling of the Institute of Counseling, she has several peculiarities.
1. The transfer of responsibility. The victim will never be responsible for events and decisions, because it requires internal efforts and the courage to admit a mistake, if something goes wrong. Let the course of events be determined by someone else. He will be to blame, if the decisions are wrong, he will be sent to the cones. Probably, it was in the depths of such relationships that the phrase “initiative is punishable” was born.
2. The victim always makes a certain investment with the expectation of interest: “I gave you all my life, and you?” And above all she does it for herself. She favorably places her time, attention, gives it all to those who do not ask for it at all. And thus creates in his life the illusion of his own importance, as if he raises himself above other people.
3. The victim is the manipulator. She gathers the richest harvest of support, sympathy, pity and attention to herself: after all, usually the whole environment is well aware of the nightmare she has to live in.
It is difficult to be a victim when the world around is good and good. That is why the victim’s position is appropriate if there is a danger and one who saves from this danger. From these actors a triangle is formed, called by psychologists dramatic, and each participant of this interaction can change the role and become in another position depending on the situation. The scenario for this interaction looks something like this:
The victim, refusing responsibility, is looking for a rescuer who will save her from problems. The rescuer takes responsibility for the victim, although he is convinced that she can not be helped, and does what the Sacrifice does for the Sacrifice herself.
Thus corrupts it and supports in it the desire to parasitize. The victim, whose problems are not solved, turns into a Persecutor and begins to search for the perpetrators of the fact that life failed. Guilty, of course, is the former Rescuer, to which the rage and attacks of the former Sacrifice are falling. The former Rescuer, who became a Sacrifice, is puzzled how he turned out to be the scapegoat in this situation.
It is interesting that these roles are not always distributed among people. The victim can assign the role of the Persecutor to “wrong” laws, poor-quality goods, advertising, etc. A rescuer can play a doctor, a book, a psychologist or, for example, neighbors.
Who is to blame and what to do?
A life position is formed, like any other, in the family. “Developing, the child learns the world step by step and acquires various skills, relying on his own experience. Each new step is the overcoming of some “I can not”, “I do not know”, “I will not succeed” and getting absolutely priceless for the formation of the personality “I could!”, “I succeeded!”, “Now I know! “.
While the child is small, parents like to observe this independence, but when he grows up and needs to acquire social skills, parents intercept the initiative and for the child solve conflicts with teachers, control his academic performance, choose a college or college.
“Well, if the child at some point says to the father and mother:” Do not, I’ll try to do it myself. ” And if he does not, then we will get another person with the psychology of the victim, “commented Marina Viner, psychologist at the Center of Alice Center.
Is it possible to get out of the victim’s position?
According to Natalia Gulina, this is possible, but this is a very big work to grow your personality: “Often people come to the reception, but then they realize that the specialist will not solve the problem for them and will not teach how to make the people stop treat him like a victim. After the client understands that they will need to change, grow, 80% of the “victims” disappear. “
Therefore, if you find yourself or your loved ones the above-described trends, then this is a step forward, because honest recognition is 50% success on the path to a responsible and independent life. The rest of the way you can pass, constantly analyzing your behavior, attitude, ways to achieve goals. Observe how you achieve what you want: taking a position of the weak and the winged or independent and responsible? Of course, it’s easier to do this with a specialist, because such a position becomes obvious precisely when interacting with other people. Also help to understand the causes and find a way out can help reading popular psychological literature.
If you observe this position with your loved ones, the best help will be “mirroring” their behavior. Show when a person lives in the victim’s position, and note when he manages to get out of this position.
In the film “Moscow does not believe in tears,” the main character, being the director of the enterprise and scolding a subordinate, pronounces a brilliant phrase: “I’m not interested in why” no. ” I’m interested in what you did to have a “yes.” It voices a position that is the opposite of the victim’s position. And those who wish to get out of it, you can safely make these words your motto.