They wear teenage t-shirts, watch with anxiety hair loss, desperately wink at young nymphs and secretly dream of losing weight or throwing a damn job and going into the forest. They start new acquaintances and master new hobbies or become sullen and unsociable and their whole mood perfectly reflects the lines from the song of the group “Leningrad” about the birthday. They are men who are experiencing a mid-life crisis, frozen in horror from the approaching old age and desperately trying to cling to something that has not been realized. The reason why this happens and all are susceptible to this terrible virus, the correspondent of SE recognized.
Reference:The crisis of the middle of life was first mentioned in 1965 thanks to the work of the psychoanalyst Eliot Jacques – it was he who first noticed that closer to the middle of life people begin to realize the limitations of their capabilities and the approach of old age. In men, this occurs a little earlier than in women, at 35-45 years, and lasts from 3 to 10 years.
Some famous men still surprise the general public with their unexpected paternity after 60 years. Women are not capable of such feats due to their physiological characteristics and are hard pressed to experience the changes associated with Balzac’s age. But, unlike men, women closely monitor changes in their appearance and, as a rule, try to take timely measures. For men, the news that half a lifetime has been lived, comes with strange jokes of friends or bewilderment of the attending physician “what did you want in your 45?”. However, the man himself is often unable to answer this question, he is even looking for an answer to it, even where it is impossible to find it.
A new life
About the fact that something goes wrong with a man, a woman will notice right away.
“There is some irritability, a higher demand for oneself and others, for ordinary familiar things a person reacts completely differently than it was just recently, ” says Tatyana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the Perinatal Center. A man can start to abuse alcohol, pay particular attention to his appearance or quench his thirst for youth in a company of people much younger than him.
The desire for change – from the hairstyle to the place of residence – is a characteristic feature. If a man unexpectedly changes a three-piece suit for jeans and clumsy T-shirts or communicates in “Odnoklassniki” with girls who finished school ten years later than he does, this will alert even the most trusting spouse. But often the suspicious questions remain unanswered – the man wants to go back, because he is afraid to go forward. He is in search and seeks to change his life in any way.
“There is such a situation that at 35 years old people change their lives or geniuses, or fools,” said Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy. – It’s natural that at 35 years old people begin to reflect on what he did and where to move further. By this age, there is accumulation of all interests, abilities, and the person is already more consciously deciding how to live on, where to move. How much he is ready for this crucial moment, what he did and what base he created – that’s what determines whether he will survive because of failures or will develop in another direction. “
A significant role in the presence or absence of a crisis, according to Igor Poperechny, is played by the degree of the male’s sexual constitution. After all, even if a man has not achieved career heights, accepted and encouraged by society, but he has a high degree of sexual constitution and high vital energy, he will overcome the crisis and calmly go further.
Reference: Sexual constitution – a combination of physical and psychological characteristics, factors that determine the sexual temperament and activity of a person.
Successful ones also cry
Psychologists do not agree on whether all men are susceptible to this disease. According to one of the versions, everyone experiences this crisis, the difference is only in the degree of intensity. According to another, it depends on the psychological characteristics of a person and can be triggered by stress or depression caused, for example, by the death of parents, problems with his wife, children, or difficulties in his career. The question of career is a powerful factor in the life of a man, because if a woman in the understanding of society is one with a husband and children, then the man held is the one who has work and means of subsistence. A lone woman with money and a married man without money continue to evoke sympathy from others.
In this crisis, not only men who have not achieved career heights, but also those who in the usual sense are considered successful, are affected. “The more successful a man is, the earlier he may have a crisis and, paradoxically, the harder he can go. Much of what was planned or not even planned was achieved, and new goals are implied, – says Tatiana Skritskaya. – In addition, with age, we physically begin to feel differently and understand that it is impossible to work further in this mode. “
“We socially understand success as a career and position in society. In fact, success is completely different, – reminds Igor Poperechny. – It’s own comfortable state, satisfaction with its activities. Now a lot of successful people lead a compensatory lifestyle.
The vast majority of middle-class bankers have problems in family relationships, sexually. You can not call them successful. ”
What to do?
The recommendations of psychologists do not blame themselves that your man is experiencing a crisis, make sense, but the lack of guilt does not imply a lack of action on your part. How to help a man if he has a midlife crisis? The councils are quite universal. “Give him enough attention, understand that these are not quirks, they are really very difficult experiences,” Tatiana Skritskaya recommends. – Emphasize all the advantages of men, try not to notice any shortcomings, seek to maintain common interests and remember that it will pass. ” True, here you can overdo it. “In this state, a man needs maternal caress and care. But this can become a kind of provocation, – warns Igor Pereperichny. – Pity a man who does not have the ability to survive, there is no ability to throw one and start another business, – he raskkasitsya and generally cease to do something. Although any man needs maternal love and care – even from his own wife. “