There are things in our life that are always missing. Which is another little bit – and it would be just right. In addition to understanding (it always wants more) is money. The money issue is in the top three among the causes of family conflicts.
The reason for the quarrel can be not only an insufficient number of banknotes, but also an attitude towards them – respectful and not very. If you are a fan of solariums, and he thinks that it is necessary to sunbathe in the summer, there can be no talk of understanding. If you are indignant at every bought bottle of beer, the conflict is inevitable, like the collapse of imperialism. She learned about how to handle family money correctly.
In the days of our parents, the symbol of financial well-being most often served as a nightstand, where all the money was received. There were no special clarifications and divisions, since salaries were rather modest, as did requests. Modern reality is characterized by a variety of seductive possibilities, the psychology of consumption and the desire of women to independence. Therefore, parental experience will help only if your ideas about joint finances and the views of your partner coincide.
The fight for the purse
As a rule, the war for the purse, as well as the question “who is the master of the house? ”, Appears soon after the wedding. Everyone has their own thoughts about the correct model of money management, usually taken from the family. And if in your family money was in charge of your mother, and in the family of the chosen one – your father, it is likely that there will be misunderstanding in your couple.
“Very often there is such a phenomenon,” says Evgeny Aleksandrov, a psychologist and director of the Amalthea Center for Psychological Aid.
A girl getting married is more mature, more focused on creating a family and, accordingly, managing money. A less mature husband happily shifts responsibility for finances to his wife.
For a while such an order works, but when a man grows up, the problems begin to aggravate. ”A man has new needs – in the form of a puncher or a game console – that may not coincide with the orderly women’s financial management.
What are we waiting for?
Linking your life with another person, we are full of expectations. Banal love and care are usually seen to us in small things, even if household: coffee in bed, dinner on the stove, the car at the entrance, order in the house. The same expectations exist in the money issue. Getting married, the woman waits for calmness and confidence – how else to give birth and raise offspring? Money is a kind of guarantor of this confidence.
“This is the food that birds bring to their chicks in their beaks,” says Evgeni Alexandrov. “Therefore, if there is money, the woman is more confident in herself and that she can raise her children. ” As for the man, from his chosen one in the financial plan, he does not expect any feats. According to psychologist Alena Berdnik, the only thing he counts on, Is the rational use of earned money in the form of a tangible result and an improvement in living conditions. That is, another tube in the bathroom is unlikely to cause a sincere joy for a man, but a soft bed instead of an old couch will have to his liking.
Which way is better?
Of course, each pair has its own way of distributing income and expenses. But, in fact, they are no more than the classic poses in sex.
According to the survey conducted at SHE, the most correct way is recognized when the couple live in a savings account – 44% of those surveyed are ready to store money “in the night table”. 39. 3% believe that the woman should spend her salary on herself, and only the remaining expenses are the husband’s care.
13% believe that everyone should spend their wages on themselves, except that they make only large purchases. And the remaining 3. 7% are ready to give management of family finances to those who earn more.
The way a couple manages the money received can tell a lot about the relationship of partners, about where their interests are directed. If to speak the language of mathematics, then people who aspire to the family, use the signs of addition and multiplication. For those whose interests lie in other spheres of life, the signs of subtraction and division are more important. However, families, where everyone lives on his salary, also have the right to exist. “This is the Western model of the family,” says Evgeni Alexandrov, “but in this case, the couple needs a marriage contract, where all legal issues and ways of resolving possible conflicts will be prescribed. But often there is no marriage contract, but live as if he were imprisoned. To create a family, we must sit down and agree from the very beginning. Only we somehow do not do this “.
On pins
Sometimes women even seem contradictory to themselves. On the one hand, there is a general desire to make a career and become financially independent, and on the other – the desire to remain a little girl, for which solve domestic problems. The widespread opinion among women that women’s wages should be spent on lipstick and pantyhose, psychologists explain by changing the family.
Previously, an overwhelming number of families had a traditional model, where the husband is the head of the family, the breadwinner, and the woman is the keeper of the hearth. With the arrival of the post-modernist model, new mechanisms for the distribution of finance began to appear.
“Women confuse love for themselves with selfishness,” explains Alena Berdnik. – Why not instead of spending on yourself, do not make money in the family budget? If a couple has everything in order with love and sex, then they must decide together where to send the money earned. ”Thus, money serves as a litmus test, they only show symptoms of internal problems.
That there were no problems
Who likes family conflicts? Perhaps, only those who live on the principle of “cute are scolded – only teshatsya. ” All the rest, including us, want peace and quiet. If you have not had time to get a family, but plan in the future, do not fail to touch on the topic of the family budget, so that later on, do not cry to your friends at least on this topic. If you are already fortunate enough and you have a legal or civil husband, this advice is also relevant for you.
At the same time, it does not matter which model of behavior regarding finance you will choose in the end, the main thing is to reach a consensus and not violate the agreements. After all, problems and misunderstandings arise when someone either insists on his model or the agreement is broken.
In addition, you should not rely on randomly, evenly stacking money in a nightstand. If your couple does not have a person responsible for the material part of life, the period of financial prosperity may unexpectedly come to an end and you will have to get into debt. Eugene Alexandrov recommends allocating one person who will manage money:
“Take the model of the state – there is a minister of finance who is engaged in the distribution of cash flows. The same thing in the family – someone must answer. “
