It would be strange to seek love on the Internet if the mechanism for finding and finding a potential partner was not so simple and comfortable. Without leaving home, without getting up from a chair and not taking off your favorite pajamas, you can easily make an acquaintance, which, perhaps, will be interesting. You will not be able to – at any moment you can stop communication and start looking for a new candidate. Or quit this stupid venture and read the news. “The relationship on the Internet is, firstly, safe,” says psychotherapist Nikita Lozin, director of the Harmony Center, “because the risk of acquiring a denial of acquaintance is minimal, and people are afraid to be rejected. Secondly, it gives you the freedom of action, you can talk and do whatever you want, think of yourself about what you dream about – a career, a way of life, even appearance. Thirdly, it’s just convenient:
I blinded him out of the fact that there was an
Internet arena for dreamers and dreamers, it’s hard to hide the propensity to fullness and tediousness with personal communication, but it’s easy to do on the Web. Fantasy changes can be subjected not only to yourself, but also the image of the interlocutor, which will be the way you want it to be. Abuse of alcohol, scattered socks and infantilism will remain off-screen. According to the psychoanalyst Alexander Fedchuk, the center of practical psychology and psychoanalysis “Satori”, it is very difficult to carry a living person by a number, it requires efforts and a certain degree of adulthood:
“All the people around us are some kind of hangers on which we place images and our ideas about them, and as soon as a person tries to get out of this framework, he starts annoying us and angering us.” In this respect, the Internet wins, because before you is not a living person, but an image that can be given the qualities you need, idealize it, and what has happened is to fall in love.
Can you call such a feeling of love? “It is impossible!” – psychologists say. And not only because it is impossible to feel the person and touch him, but also because the object of your senses, most likely, does not correspond to the imaginary image. “The maximum is love,” says Nikita Lozin, “which is akin to a love for an artist, an idol. The opportunity to create an ideal partner, a mystery, that partners do not bother each other, allows you to create a romantic relationship. Romance is so little in our world, therefore, finding it with the help of virtuality, people think that this is love. ”
Exit the Twilight
If you are aiming at a serious relationship, a personal meeting outside the home walls and the computer is the ultimate goal of round-the-clock communication on ICQ, whether you realize it or not. It is thanks to personal interaction, when all sense organs are active, romantic communication can go beyond the virtual world and grow into something more. But often the expectations from the object of your feelings are so high (not every talkative Internet user can match the list of qualities you gave him) that the meeting ends in disappointment. Guessing about this, some deliberately avoid meetings, preferring to enjoy a fictitious way. According to Alexander Fedchuk, this is especially true for those who are hard to get along with people who are hard to tolerate: “Communication for them is all the better, the longer they do not see the object of their feelings. In this case, the relationship will last until the meeting. Because in the virtual, he has no chance to irritate him with his smell, sound and touch. At a meeting invariably there will come disappointment, many understand it and avoid meetings “. The second reason why people refuse to meet is the game:
“Those who do not attach importance to these relations refuse to attend meetings,” says Nikita Lozin, “who plays and has fun. It happens very often: one (most often a girl) falls in love, and the man only plays this virtual game. ”
If you already have a pretty cyber-space inhabitant in mind, and you would like to see more of your communication grow, do not delay with going out into the real world! Psychologists recommend to meet as early as possible, then there is the possibility to leave the Internet only in the way of acquaintance, but not the main component of the relationship.
The earlier the meeting, the more chances you have that the relationship will develop. The longer the virtual communication, the higher the likelihood that when meeting you will be disappointed.
Depth, depth, I’m not yours
Scary articles about Internet addiction are frightening stories about people who do not communicate with neighbors and colleagues, and live only a virtual life. Indeed, the simplicity of communication on the Net, where anonymity gives courage even to the most timid, and the attributed qualities make it possible to feel comfortable, beckons and attracts. Is there any risk of getting addicted to online relationships? There are, experts say, but this is due not only to the means of communication, but also to certain qualities inherent in man. You can create yourself an image of a prince on a white horse, and then unsuccessfully try to find a man appropriate to the ideal, but for this it is not necessary to have access to the Internet.
However, the dependence that can develop is not always a minus, says Alexander Fedchuk: “There are people who are structurally disposed to dependency, and if not virtual relationships, then addiction will result in drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling. And so a person goes to another channel and enjoys it. For him, this is a big plus. ”
Soul to soul
There is an opinion that the relations formed on the Internet are, in principle, short-lived. However, everything here depends on the speed of transferring communication to the real world. “If people are attuned to a real meeting,” says Nikita Lozin, “which has a specific time, how long the relationship will last depends only on the ability to wait and the power of attachment.” After the meeting, the relationship ceases to be virtual, and here the origin does not matter, the stigma “made in the Internet” will not remain anywhere.
As for virtual communication without plans to” get out of the dusk, “such relations will last until one gets tired of it, and sooner or later it will certainly happen. So if you are in love with a mysterious stranger, do not try to do something urgently with your feelings – get a new experience, new emotions. Over time, your feelings will disappear by themselves.
Canadian researchers conducted a study, according to which women who use the Internet for dating, feel more confident and protected. But at the same time, hopes for a brighter future are breaking down on a harsh reality. Virtual men also look for women younger and more attractive, also hide the fact of their marriage and generally do not rush to develop relationships (in this case, offline). So here, on the Internet, everything is the same, except that when looking at a man at a nearby table, you can be sure that he looks exactly as he looks.