Photo: Dolce & Gabbana
Perhaps top designers are sick of being limited to garments and accessories, or perhaps the chaos of current events has just made us all insane, but suddenly, we are living in a golden age of expensive everyday objects produced by the kinds of big-name fashion houses that, five years ago, wouldn’t have deigned to acknowledge the existence of something as quotidian as a tin can, much less put their name on one. But here we are. Welcome to 2017, year of the non-sartorial designer investment piece. Read on for some of the best, worst, and most ridiculous.
Dolce Gabbana’s $110 Pasta
When Dolce Gabbana sent food-themed outfits, including a pasta-printed dress and vegetable pants, down the runway for Spring 2018, we chuckled. Maybe it was a nod to the brand’s Italian heritage or an acknowledgment of the (slightly annoying) trend of models posing with sauce-covered carbohydrates on Instagram. But then they went and made an actual, honest-to-god $110 bag of pasta (you can buy it here) and now we’re a little confused. What? Why? Is it good? I guess we may never know because I’m sure as heck not forking over (no pun intended) that amount of money for some uncooked noodles. But at least now all the pasta-posing influencers have something ultra exclusive to snack on.
Balenciaga’s $3,000 Mountain Bike
This one is a particular headscratcher because if you’re the kind of person who’s out to spend four figures on a bike, you probably don’t care that it’s Balenciaga. These were sold exclusively at the hip Paris boutique Colette, and, according to a bike expert who spoke to Dazed: “If you want to spend your £3,000 on something actually worth riding, there are many better options.” No kidding. It’s also an open invitation for bicycle thieves who don’t feel bad about stealing from the rich. It would, however, look very cool as an accessory in some kind of ruggedly minimalist apartment, far from the prying eyes of the kinds of people who might judge you for owning a Balenciaga bicycle.
Photo: Tiffany & Co.
Tiffany Co.’s $600 First Aid Kit
Much ink has already been spilled about the absurdity of a $1,000 Tiffany Co. tin can, so I’d like to draw your attention to something else the iconic jeweler is offering this holiday season: a $600 first aid box. It doesn’t come with any Tiffany blue band-aids inside (a missed opportunity, if you ask me), nor does it appear to have the ability to give any kind of first aid to your bank account after you drop six hundo on a glorified box. But, hey, it is engravable, so there’s that.
Photo: Dolce & Gabanna
Dolce Gabbana x SMEG’s $50,000 Refrigerator
If you thought a bag of designer pasta was insane, feast your eyes on this beautiful, terrible work of refrigerator art. I have so many feeling about this, I don’t know where to begin. I hate it, I love it, I want to own it. But I’d be too scared to put food in it! Are you supposed to put food in it, or just stare at it in awe? Mostly, I just can’t believe it exists and that people out there are actually buying it (one of the limited-edition designs is already sold out at Neiman Marcus). Short of starting a viral GoFundMe campaign, I can’t imagine a world in which this decadent, temperature-controlled chamber is a part of my life, but damn, it sure is pretty.
Chanel’s $2,000 Boomerang
Karl Lagerfeld has been the king of weird designer products since before anyone else got into the game. He’s done Chanel flasks, Chanel tennis rackets, Chanel footballs, and even Chanel grocery baskets, but this Chanel boomerang created controversy earlier this year when people pointed out that it was appropriative of Indigenous Australian culture. The brand later apologized and pulled the product. So consider this a lesson in what not to do when slapping your logo on random things.
Photo: Tiffany & Co.
Tiffany Co.’s $350 Crazy Straw
I don’t mean to pick on Tiffany Co. too much. I, like every other girl who grew up in a boring suburb during the early aughts, considered my sterling silver Tiffany nameplate bracelet (RIP) among my prized possessions. But these so-called “Everyday Objects” are kind of asking for it. This Crazy Straw, for example, comes in not one but three precious metals, and if you’re looking for a bargain, the silver can be had for a mere $250.
Prada’s $185 Paperclip Money Clip
Remember Clippy, that obnoxious paperclip who wouldn’t stop asking you if you were writing a letter every time you opened Microsoft Word like ten years ago? Well, this is his very fancy, equally obnoxious cousin. At first glance, this may appear to be a Prada-engraved, sterling silver paperclip, but it’s actually not. It’s a Prada-engraved, sterling silver paperclip-shaped money clip. Which is, I think, somehow better?