It is unlikely that an alcoholic will be affected by the inscription that excessive drinking harms health. The likelihood that a person will stop changing due to the fact that someone told him about the immorality or the sinfulness of his behavior is about as high. Therefore, we omit the moral and ethical aspect, letting the reader decide on their own, whether to suffer from feelings of guilt for what they have done or to lull their conscience, to stigmatize infidel wives found nearby, or to understand and let go of the world.
Whichever group you treat, the facts remain facts – the results of research on this topic are frightening: by the amount of adultery, women are rapidly approaching men. You can blame the whole mythical modern society, “Sex and the City” or the media, which allegedly corrupt innocent women and provoke sexual exploits.
Often the love affair on the side with love is in no way connected at all, rather it becomes a reaction to problems and a way to get away from them, at least for a while. From what problems do women run, changing their permanent partners?
1. Zero attention
The most important reason in which the sex of the one who changes does not matter is the dissatisfaction with the family life. It can be his easy flirtation with a colleague or constant insults in your address, inattention to you or a passive life position. As a result, falling in love gives way to emotional hunger and disappointment. “In this case, a woman finds a man to whom she just cries in a vest. At the same time, she is having sex with him, because any man will claim a woman, even if the relationship seems friendly, “says Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy. In some cases, treason becomes a mute reproach, a kind of revenge for the “guilty” partner.
It also includes endless complaints “he has changed a lot”, “he does not pay attention to me” and a lot of others, which abound in the vocabulary of women whose marriage has lasted for several years. “Most often, women lack the emotional component,” says Tatyana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the Novosibirsk Perinatal Center. – The longer people are together, the longer they know each other, the less a man shows signs of attention. A woman wants to feel its attractiveness and some exclusivity, I want to like and maintain a good opinion of myself. ” And yet not everyone supports their self-esteem through treason. According to Tatiana Skritskaya, a psychologically grown-up person copes with this with the help of internal reserves, but if a person is not psychologically mature enough, external circumstances support his self-esteem.
If the first reason is relevant for men, then the state of undernourishment, experienced in childhood, pushes the infidelities, as a rule, of women. There is a substitution of the concepts of love physical and emotional: “A woman thinks that with the help of sex she will get a lot of love, more attention,” explains Igor Poperechny. – This is typical for people with serious psychological disorders. She is not sure of herself, she has a thirst for love from the side. ” By changing sexual partners, a woman tries to compensate for this lack of love. Naturally, the effect of such “love” does not last long. Exactly the time that the sexual act lasts.
3. Just in case
The human psyche is arranged in such a way that any negative interference from outside is triggered by a defense that facilitates our experiences and sufferings. Given that women have an emotional component of the relationship is much higher than that of men, this protection mechanism works more often.
“Treason is often due to the fact that for some reason people do not manage to build a trusting relationship in a pair. When a partner changes, these relationships are devalued, becoming less significant, the woman needs them less,
“says Tatiana Skritskaya. In this case, the woman convinces herself that there is nothing special in the constant partner, and, in spite of the attachment and the desire to keep the relationship, in which case it can be replaced by another person.
4. Men’s problems
It happens. He is a wonderful man, a wonderful father and a devoted husband. But for some reason he does not want to have sex. Find out the reason for this reluctance is extremely difficult, especially if it is related to a man’s sexual disorders – in this case, he will surely remain silent as a partisan. “The man is very hard at resolving his sexual problems and for a long time does not recognize their availability,” confirms Igor Poperechny. – And a woman for a time suffers, tolerates, and then finds a hobby on the side. ” Of course, it is much easier to do this than to understand the true causes of problems with the spouse, which can be much deeper than problems with erection.
5. I want a little more
Another version of sexual dissatisfaction is associated with the husband only indirectly. “A woman feels that something is missing. Usually in this plan the mechanism works, when a woman does not want to be a woman and does not reveal herself to the end. But she does not understand this, and at a primitive level the idea arises that if she sleeps with another man – it will be better, “says Igor Poperechny. A woman is constantly looking for new connections and sorting partners, like rosary beads. “And this is not a complex,” explains the sexologist, “but a variant of aggressive behavior -” I want this, I want to achieve this “- purely male competing behavior.” Needless to say, satisfaction can not be achieved in this way.
What’s going on here?
How exactly will the relationship with the spouse develop in the presence of a lover, only a fortune-teller can predict. But psychologists can cope with the general tendencies.
“In general, there is a feeling of understatement, a sense of deception creeps into the relationship and in the overwhelming majority they are falling,
” says Igor Poperechny. According to him, the only option for preserving the family is a conscious interruption of the love affair, when the person realizes that he can lose, and in a new understanding enters into family relations. And yet there are less extreme, though more complex ways to understand the importance and importance of the family in the life of a woman.