Women have an affair with the boss to adapt to the team and feel special

Relationships at work (and a romance with the boss especially) differ from the novel by usual only organizational questions. Most often, its participants are forced to hide the depth of their feelings. The veiled meetings, joint “working” trips, additional meetings and business trips. And there is always a third in this union. His name is business.And without taking into account his behavior, interests and mood, happiness can not be built. In the nuances of the novel with the head the correspondent of SHE.

Let’s start with the fact that in some offices close relations are not encouraged, to put it mildly: colleagues-spouses are not recruited, and for an affair already in the process, they can easily be dismissed. “Even an unspoken ban provokes a dual reaction – the forbidden fruit is sweet, adventurous people get an extra bonus,” the psychotherapist of the Insight clinic Igor Lyakh gives the first characteristic of lovers in the workplace. And this applies to both men and women. Let’s consider some more basic motives of formation of “corporate couples”. 

• Source of inspiration.
Situation: a young attractive employee looks for a mentor and patron, and the boss helps and protects her. There is a platonic affection that can develop into a novel. As Igor Lyakh explained,

for some women the only possible condition for adaptation in a new team is to fall in love with the boss. 

Against the background of sympathy, such women feel better, learn more easily and work better. And men have the opportunity to assert themselves. 

• The path of self-affirmation A
novel with leadership raises a woman’s self-esteem. “Recognition for many is very important. It was allocated a significant person – which means that it is special. The attractiveness of a strong man leads many people, “- business coach Ekaterina Gordeeva talks about the attractiveness of such a novel in front of all the others. Increase the self-esteem by “off-work relationships” and men. In addition, as recalled by Igor Lyakh, the novel at work is convenient to anxious partners: a whole day in front of each other – this is 100% control. 

• Career first of all
“The one who owns the information, twice a person” – Ekaterina Gordeeva explains the motive of some women to make a career by romance with the boss. A woman feels more confident, develops faster. However, there are not so many, as you might think.

“Women who make a career in this way are high-level manipulators, and there are not many of them,” Igor Lyakh believes that the image of a fatal woman is much more common in movies than in life.

A man can also start a novel “for the cause”. “They’ve got a trustee among the managerial staff, they get information, the ability to influence this person through other people. And expertise, and loyalty, and support, and ideas in one person, “- cites an example of such a tandem Ekaterina Gordeeva. By the way, such unions are very fruitful: he is the head physician, she is the head of the department, he is the founder, she is the director of one of his stores or he is the head, she is the head of the sales department. Finally, they can together leave one business and organize their own. “I know a couple in which the man was a mid-level manager, and she is a designer,” lists Ms. Gordeeva’s examples. 

Finally, both sexes meet the motif “just wanted (a)”, for example, you can just want sex and, with mutual consent, resolve this issue.

A weak link
However, there is no smoke without fire, and there are also quite a few specific problems in “unequal” workers’ unions. The first is a violation of subordination. It is women, according to the observations of Igor Lyakh, more often become in such unions a weak link. Receiving “access to the body” and learning about the human weaknesses of a strong man, many ladies do not resist the temptation to manipulate it at their discretion. 

A real example: a woman turned to a psychotherapist because she was betrayed – it turned out she wanted to take the place of the head of the department, but her “man” appointed a more experienced specialist to this place, the story ended with a big scandal, loss of work and total disappointment.

The second serious hindrance: discontent of the collective. It’s easy to accept that everyone is equal, but someone “is more equal”, not all colleagues can. “The staff is being dismissed because of misunderstanding, injustice of treatment. And sometimes business loses very valuable specialists. They do not want to put up with the sudden overturning of processing, imperfections, and clients also feel a violation of discipline, “Ekaterina Gordeeva comments. By the way, the most problematic option in this sense is the relationship between the boss and the “new” colleague. If both members of the union already have a certain status in the team, then their union is accepted by colleagues much more calmly.

Another misfortune – the inability to escape from common working problems and the excess of talk about work outside the office, this is also not borne by all. Some have to veto the work mail and talk about working mobile on the weekend.

Finally, it is not necessary to enumerate the difficulties that arise if the boss turns novels with a colleague in the presence of a wife. Or if only one “participant” has interest in relations. However, this is a separate big topic. 

The recipe for success The
ideal relationship between the subordinate and the boss is well suited to the scheme: 
She is flexible, knows how to work with the team, he is a successful salesman, negotiator. 
He is a man of power, power, the engine, everyone is afraid of him. She does the whole routine, very neat. 
He is very structured, correct, and she is an ideological, not ordinary …

That is, there are good options, where there is an add-on effect, says Ekaterina Gordeeva. In the boss and subordinate’s novel there are three participants: he, she and business, and if the first two understand this and take the unspoken rule of “friendship is friendship, and service is a service” (on the one hand, combining efforts for business success, and on the other – clearly sharing responsibility and observing subordination), then the work only wins. If the third participant is ignored, the work loses. Relationships over time also lose.