This Is What It’s Like To Use A Vibrator During Sex

Solo is one thing, but bringing out the toys with your partner is a whole new game. Like most women in their 30s (or, at least all the ones I know), I’m no stranger to using a vibrator, my preferred method of masturbation. While I’m happily married and all is well in the sex department, sometimes one just needs to take matters into their own hands. In my mind, the vibrator and my husband were always mutually exclusive — an “either-or,” not an “and,” situation. But it turns out that combining the two can up the pleasure factor for all parties involved.

“Most women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone, which is why it’s important to add clitoral stimulation,” explains psychologist and relationship expert Antonia Hall, author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life“Using your fingers can be great, but tiring. Fortunately, there are lots of great toys which can bring her orgasmic pleasure and feel great for him, too,” she adds. Her suggestions: A couples’ vibrator, vibrating cock ring, or small clitoral vibe, all of which can be used in various positions, she points out. We opted for the Lelo Mia 2 ($80; evine.com), a small and discreet option (it looks like a lipstick tube) that touts an impressive six speed settings.

And on the topic of broaching the subject, don’t feel embarrassed or awkward. It’s not about him being inadequate or unable to please you, but rather about increasing the satisfaction for both of you. “There should never be any shame about bringing a toy into sexual play with a partner. The more pleasure both of you are experiencing, the more it will foster a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship,” says Hall. When I brought it up to my husband, I simply said I thought it would be a fun thing for us to try, one that I was pretty confident I’d like — and he was totally on board.

As far as the actual sex goes, it most definitely worked for us. On my end, it took a minute to get used to not being in control of the vibrator (we decided to use it so that he was holding it), but that ultimately turned out to be exhilarating and made the whole encounter that much sexier. It led to a thoroughly satisfying night for us both, and it’s something we both agreed we’d most definitely try again.