The weakest link

Any manifestation of male submission is interpreted by a woman as a weakness

About what fate awaits the poor mantis after mating with the female, we are all well aware that he is eaten, and his sexual partner.According to scientists, mantises go to suicide in order to obtain an evolutionary advantage: they can die in peace knowing that their genes will be transmitted to descendants. Some men also choose this strategy of survival – giving their fate in the hands of women, these are usually called henpecked. SHE has learned about why male concessions are perceived as a weakness, as well as about the strengths of henpecked hens.

In truth, the above definition is often abused. That’s how they call someone who follows the look of their beloved, trying to please her. It is this word hissing in the back to a colleague who left the corporate after his wife called. “The term” henpecked “is treated differently in different social groups. At the same time, regardless of the social group, there are several universal features of “henpecked”, the most important is the predominant role of women in family relationships, “says the psychotherapist of the Sibneymore Center Igor Pozhidaev.

According to experts, this behavior is biological in nature and manifests itself usually at the initial stage, during the candy-bouquet period. “This is the so-called inversion behavior,” says Natalia Gulina, a psychotherapist at the Insight Clinic. – “Inversion” means “inverted”. 

The leading element of the pair begins to play the role of the slave in order to ensure its attractiveness and security for the representative of the opposite sex. But this behavior is very short in time, like the period itself. ” 

Mother and child
If this behavior takes place in further relationships, we can talk about the inversion of roles in a pair – when a woman plays the role of a support and earner, and the man becomes the keeper of the home. Even if they are comfortable with each other, society reacts to such couples hostile and accepts with difficulty. And although jokes about the drunken husband and wife with a rolling pin, many listen with pleasure and laugh at the top of their voice, obvious signs of this in the real world frighten and repel. The heroes of anecdotes themselves courageously suffer or do not see the problem at all.

As a rule, relations in such pairs are formed by the type of “mother-son”, while the man willingly assumes the role of an obedient child. “It happens in cases when a man in his parents’ family had the same relationship or when a boy was brought up without a father by an authoritarian mother, who taught her son to submit, and not to initiative,” explains Igor Pozhidaev. “In either case, passive, subordinate behavior is for men a norm, and not something wrong.”

Strength in weakness
The henpecked, like any other people, have their strengths and weaknesses. “The strength of such a man is high emotionality, sensitivity, the ability to build relationships much better, as this is an important component for his inner comfort. And the weak side is a weak socialization. Such a man will rarely be socially successful – in career, in material terms, “- says Natalia Gulina. However, Igor Pozhidaev does not agree with her, according to him, many socially and professionally successful men in family matters fully meet the criterion of henpecked:

“They simply compensate for their home dependency on the one hand, and on the other hand, it’s a good, though unconscious, way to” please Mommy. ” 

Who needs it?
Women’s desire to find a “real man”, so he could slap on the table, and cut across the face of the offender, is understandable and understandable. Then who chooses these lovely, quiet, obliging men? In this case, one can unequivocally say that couples are built on the principle of complementation – a woman who is not inclined to dominate will not get along with henpecked, but a dominant lady will easily build relationships with a man inclined to addiction. “This woman was either an older child and she had at least one younger brother, whom she had to constantly look at as a child. Either she also had an active, dominant mother and a “subordinate” father. So the predominant role of women for her is the norm, “explains Igor Pozhidaev. It is likely that she will express dissatisfaction with such a distribution of roles, that she also wants to be weak and would gladly change roles with her man. But in fact it is not capable of this, because it does not know how to live and build relationships in a different way.

Subordinate male
Discussions on forums and kitchens that “does not appreciate, does not like, does not concede, does not help and does not care”, there is no end in sight. A reasonable question arises: where does the disregard for men who do not solve the problems of a planetary scale, but are able to take care of children, show tenderness for their own wife and compromise? “In our nature, the model” dominant male – subordinate female “is genetically fixed, therefore all the elements of submission demonstrated by a man (if it is not a bouquet-candy period) are perceived unconsciously as a deviation from the classical model, a deviation from the dominant role, weakness, “explains Natalia Gulina.

“At heart, many women want the big and strong Dad to call him the most beloved, put him on his knees, kiss him on the cheek, tell the story before going to bed, and so that it’s possible to fall asleep on his knees calmly and sweetly,” reveals the secrets of female psychology Igor Pozhidaev. Immediately adding that women at the same time want to feel more protected, and this feeling is easier to get from a tougher and aggressive man who is not inclined to help. “Helping” man does not create the illusion of security, and therefore causes disregard.

Experts continue to talk about the clash of stereotypes. The image of a woman as a sweet, gentle creature completely dependent on a man regularly meets the image of an active, hard and independent woman who, as a bonus, also earns financial independence. “In the society there is a process of divergence of the social model (” modern woman “) and genetically incorporated (” subordinate female “), – reminds Natalia Gulina. – And indeed, most women try to take a leading role in the pair. As one of the results, we have seven divorces for ten marriages according to statistics. “

The happiest couples, experts say, are so sensitive to each other’s condition that each of them easily becomes a caring, helping parent, when a partner needs support, then a child to help feel the partner’s strength and importance.