We’ve all broken up with someone for a ridiculous reason before, but these people are almost at the level of George Costanza.
“She dipped her scrambled eggs in mayo when we went to brunch together. She claimed it was a Baltimore thing. I asked over 15 people that I knew from Baltimore. All denied. I couldn’t look at her the same way after that.”
“Narrated sex, would talk during sex and not in a sexy was, just in a normal monotone voice describing what was going on.”
“He fed me too many peas. We had peas every meal and half the plate would be peas. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Parking in her neighborhood was a pain in the ass.”
“I thought her car was dumb.
She drove a bright red Honda Element with a window decal of Kermit the Frog giving the finger and bright pink eyelash headlight decorations. I dated her for a month and always drove us because I was embarrassed by her car.”
“Went to the movies and it was a comedy, every joke in the movie she made this tssss noise. Not laughing, just tsss, tsss, tsssssssss. Over and over again. Drove me nuts.”
“Some girl broke up with me because she said my that just my presence in her apartment was causing her cat’s urinary tract infection. I looked her up online like a year and half later and she had joined a cult.”
“He said “what can I say?” too much.
Me: What did you think of the movie?
Him: I wasn’t a fan of the ending, what can I say?
Him: What can I say? I just like coffee.
Me: I didn’t think you smoked?
Him: I like one now and then when I’m drinking, what can I say?
Those are only three examples, it was seven years ago, and it still annoys me. What can I say?”
“I wasn’t dating this girl but we were hanging out and sleeping together. One of my friends noticed she had long toes. Like, longer than average. IDK not like gross toes just really long ones. After he mentioned it I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Her feet would touch me in the night and I’d wake up frightened. Things got to a point where it was like a “what are we?” kinda thing and that was my out, never looked back.”
“When we would get french fries/corn dog/onion rings/other fried food and needed to open individual ketchup/mustard packets she would open the packets straight down the middle and not follow the CLEARLY printed dotted line that is printed on it.
This always resulted in ketchup/mustard/etc getting all over the place and it being impossible to control. My sane and rational thinking is that the little dotted line to tear off the corner is there for a reason. I never understood why anyone would not use those very clear instructions, but somehow she went rogue every time.”
“We went grocery shopping one time and she picked up an item from the frozen foods section. She decided she didn’t want it in a different section and just put it on a shelf to melt. She saw no problem in letting this thing ruin. I put it back and did the same with her.”