When asked about the role of girlfriends in a person’s life, only a woman can answer unequivocally. After all, to have a girlfriend for her is not forbidden. But can a girlfriend be with a man – a less unambiguous question, he is controversial and conflicting. The presence of other women, except for the wife, in the life of a man is always put by society and, most importantly, by the wife herself in doubt. Why do some men prefer a company of friends to a girlfriend’s company than it can be dangerous and what to do with it, learned the correspondent of SHE.
We shall make a reservation at once – it is possible to be friends and communicate mainly with women, and not all men like and want. Most of them will shrug their shoulders and go to the pub “to the peasants”. As psychologists say, to surround yourself with girlfriends and admirers is peculiar to a certain type of men, who needs to emphasize their importance, to be in sight. So they realize their desire to stand out and do it with the help of others – and usually women.
“It is possible to stand next to women with completely different qualities, for example, communication skills, because in a company of men, for example, business qualities, ability to keep a word,
– says the psychologist of the perinatal center Tatiana Skritskaya. However, it may be that in the field of contacts of your man suddenly there was a constant lady. Let us consider the main variants of this phenomenon.
Friend of a friend
To deny the possibility of friendly communication between boys and girls is pretty silly. So, if the husband is an ardent snowboarder, it’s unlikely that a wife who loves yoga will be jealous of his friends from the company in which he spends the snowy weekend. “There is a friendship between a man and a woman or not – the question is impractical, it all depends on the person, but here’s to look at the way a man communicates with a friend, still worth it,” warns Alena Sagadeeva, founder of the Institute of Counseling. So, if there is a sincere conversation over a cup of tea – the answer is unambiguous. “Men in this sense are well predictable.
She adds. And that’s why it’s always worth looking at the type of “friendship” – it may very well be that your darling is simply not receiving enough in the pair.
The colleague of working days The
second option, not so rare, especially for workaholics, is when talking with a colleague at work. Tatiana Skritskaya explains that such symbiosis at work is necessary – for example, to rise up in service or form a kind of protection. For example, from sexual or other complaints from other employees (“they smoke together or dine together, which means they are together”). Especially often, as explained by a psychologist, such options are formed in groups of conflict, where it is necessary to “include” a personal factor in order to work more successfully. Immediately there is a danger: a person whose boundary between the worker and the individual has been blurred, becomes vulnerable to other feelings, other than career ones. When asked if she should start worrying, Tatyana Skritskaya replied:
“If a colleague calls on his private phone during off-hours and on non-working matters, it always means that interest in a person has gone beyond the career.”
Donjuan in a skirt
Girl-fan, which literally overcomes a man with indecent offers, it turns out, not a character from an anecdote. Today, there are too many women who hold an active life position, which often includes the opportunity to discourage a man from another “female”. Those who are in this situation usually do not have to laugh. And in vain: as psychologists say, the encroachments of other women can bring freshness to the routine of relations: “Such interest changes the relationship in a pair, as if returning it to an earlier stage, when it was possible to flirt with others. If the partners are going to this game, then there is nothing wrong with that, “Tatiana Skritskaya comments. “If there are encroachments of other women on your man, then it’s best to ask how they do it and choose their behavior so that it amuses both”
“Any obsession, as a rule, is perceived negatively, so fear, if in the current relationship everything is stable and harmonious, nothing, all encroachments will be amusing and pleasant,” – sums up Tatiana Skritskaya.
Looking in the mirror
If you can not laugh at the fans or friends of your husband, it’s time to reflect on what is happening in your pair. Maybe the man is not telling something and hiding his “friendship” or became closed and irritable? And how do you feel when you mention a friend? These questions should be asked first. “Any option, when a man is interested in another woman, most often scares women. Except those who are self-confident. This is a matter of self-esteem and only, “says Alain Sagadeeva.
In such a situation, psychologists recommend to act step by step. If you find out the unpleasant news and are upset, it makes no sense to start a conversation right away. We must calm down, otherwise everything will be reduced to accusations and hysterics. “This should be a civilized conversation between two adults, because you can seriously offend a person with their suspicions and accusations. Moreover – so you can even provoke a man for treason – if the wife does not believe him, he will think: “If she does not trust me anyway, why should I limit myself,” – says Tatiana Skritskaya.
You do not need to play detective, yourself or with the help of girlfriends, learning the details of relationships, calls and correspondence. “Nothing good will not. It is important to understand what you want to achieve. If you want to put an end to the relationship – then, perhaps, it is worth it,
– says Tatiana Skritskaya. Alena Sagadeeva recommends using the method “Tell me only the truth” only if you are ready to receive the answer “Yes, I go, and there I like it” and most importantly – you know what you will do in this case. Otherwise, it’s more like a session of masochism than solving a problem.
Finally, after the steam has come out, we must take a pause and think: Do you need this man. “A woman who is close, has the opportunity for herself to decide whether she agrees to change. If yes, there is an expansion of her role wardrobe, this ultimately has a beneficial effect on relationships, “explains Alain Sagadeeva. It is important not to play a sacrifice, asking “Why me ?!”. “To Whom it is bad – that also varies, it is logical. Trying to change another is always doomed to failure, you can only change yourself, “the psychologist sums up, adding that changes and development always turn into a bonus for the woman herself.