Take the bull by the horns

Women who are active in relationships and sex are afraid only of men who have internal contradictions

In the era of knights and fights, beautiful ladies could hardly have thought that it was possible to invite a hero in lats for a first date. The times were not the same. But now we have complete freedom.Women from men no longer depend, which means that fans can choose for themselves. Against this background, there are disputes – some ladies take the bull by the horns, others believe that this is unnatural and the men of the Amazons are afraid to this day. Is it worth to be active in a relationship with a man, or is it better to wait until he conquers the lady of the heart on his own, the correspondent of SE learned. 

Time and business
What time – such and women, say sociologists. According to Natalia Churkina, assistant professor of social work at the NSTU, the main reasons why women have become as they are now are two. Emancipation, that is, economic emancipation from a man, led to a weakening of gender relations in society. A man today needs a woman not in order to survive, which means that she can choose a partner herself, according to her own taste. And the second is the active dissemination of incomplete families, where the child is brought up by one mother. As a result, the girl, becoming an adult, knows how to use only one, that is, the dominant model of female behavior.

Nature in its original idea completely did not anticipate such a development of things. From the point of view of biology, the female usually takes courtship of several males, looks like they are horny, and only then chooses for the union the most qualitative in all respects. Now the situation does not have a leisurely choice – the banal shortage of suitors has given birth to a new psychology. 

“If women follow the traditional waiting strategy, there is a great chance to remain with nothing. This suggests that it still makes sense to take initiative,

“said Maxim Zagoruiko, director of the Anti-Stress Center. – It is important to understand what kind of initiative to show it.

If she agrees to a short-term relationship, then you can show her how to show her outward appeal, sex appeal. If it is a long-term alliance, it makes sense to take the initiative in demonstrating the ability to care, loyalty and reliability. ” 

Choice and apprehension

“When a set of strategies of behavior for a woman is diverse, when she has more choice, her behavior can be built with each man in different ways,” says Irina Rassadina, a psychologist at the Institute of Counseling. And if, for example, the girl several times initiated an acquaintance or called first, and the relationship as a result did not go well, she has a stereotype like “men are afraid of active.” 

“Everything revolves around generalizations, when on the basis of private experience global conclusions are made,” Irina believes. “Therefore it is much more convenient to immediately make a man” bad “so as not to stumble upon refusal.”

Psychologists also remind that no sane person will give up a pleasant acquaintance. An exception is the anxious-suspicious type of men. As explained by Natalya Churkina, such men in advance perceive any activity as an encroachment on his position or as a desire to derive some benefit from communicating with him. Accordingly, run away at the first opportunity. Well, no one has canceled the type of the conquering Kazan, for which any available woman becomes immediately uninteresting. But this is a separate story. 

Union of Independent
Even if the relationship reaches the point when the cherished die is looming in the sky, the ladies are crying again: they say that the peasant has crushed and not been able to make serious decisions. Therefore, more often women themselves initiate a man to go to the registry office. There are even those who literally marry. As Maxim Zagoruiko believes, if there is a fact of active taking of a man “into circulation”, this means that the woman in general is not very interested in the partner, his feelings and needs. So, her very different things are of interest. But this process is still not one-sided. 

“After all, nobody goes to the registry office in shackles. In fact, the man also decides to get married, but somehow wants to leave this responsibility, “says Irina Rassadina.

In any case, the activity should be shown – psychologists here are not advised to remain silent, letting the matter be at the discretion of the fluids of love: without any conversation and discussions, there will not be any joint life anyway. “It is important to show initiative in this sphere, but it would be good to be attentive to the partner, pay attention to his response, and discuss with him his attitude to what is happening. In other words, it is necessary to be in contact with him, take into account both his own and his needs, “Maxim Zagoruiko believes.

Sex time
Similar situation is the situation in the matter of intimate relationships. According to sexologists, many people discuss the questions “who first” is not accepted at all. At first everything is compensated by passion and novelty. But over time, problems arise – sexologists note that in any pair there is a moment when diversity is required, and very often it consists in changing roles: a man wants a woman to be the leader. Another thing is when a woman herself initiates sex at the beginning of a relationship. It’s not for nothing that the partner is more interesting, while he is not available. Therefore, do not forget about the natural disposition. But this sphere is very thin, and it is difficult to say how to regulate the process.

Sexologists also note that if a woman goes for rapprochement first, a healthy man will adequately perceive her signal, if not burdened by internal contradictions.

If he does not perceive a woman who takes an initiative, or even completely deems her behavior unworthy, behind this, rather high moral qualities are hidden, and banal fears – a man is afraid not to satisfy a woman with a high sexual appetite, and therefore deliberately denies all women who fall under the definition of sexually aggressive. “If a man does not like it, when a woman takes the initiative, he really is afraid of her, afraid that she will be more literate and more capable of sex than he. And the best form of protection at the same time is accusations of unworthy behavior, “comments Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy.

In conclusion, it is useful to remember one thing. The most important quality for a woman is to develop the woman’s intuition given by nature and among the choir of public beliefs she can hear her inner voice.