“I’ll be late”, “I’m still at work” – these words we often hear from loved ones. Yes, and we talk so often. The work eats up all our time, and rare moments of communication with loved ones become worth their weight in gold.
Of course, it’s good when we value them so much. But can it be that neither the forces nor the opportunity to “and talk? ” After the labor exploits will no longer remain. Workaholism – a disease, a popular myth or a sad norm of modernity? This was clarified by the correspondent of SE.
Time to work hard
Workaholism is considered to be a single complex phenomenon with a set of symptoms, the main of which is the fact of full emotional dependence on the work performed. “This is a kind of culture created by post-industrial corporations. When workers began to struggle for a shorter working day in the 19th century, the economy began to become an economy of efficient managers, “says anthropologist Andrei Shapovalov.
People occupying a responsible position, unlike workers engaged in manual labor, can not be made to work. Therefore, the concept of motivation comes to the forefront. According to Andrey Vovchenko, director of the People’s Staff Development Center, workaholism appears in companies where proper staff motivation is built.
This phenomenon, When a person associates himself with his professional activities and begins to depend on the work process. Analogies with alcoholism are fully justified: psychologists note that workaholism is an example of addictive behavior, and it is dangerous, like any other dependence.
Time to depend
Modern corporate culture of many companies literally pushes employees to the “needle” of workaholism. In the beginning of a career it is even useful: a person learns to work, grows professionally.
The most vulnerable to labor dependency are people whose activities are connected with social contacts and communication. The realization of a successful personality in the team gives the person a sense of their own worth.
Over time, the post becomes an integral part of a person’s personality, and she herself is more vivid than others as the most effective. That is, a person transfers the model of working behavior to all other spheres of life. Most often, a dependent and avoiding personality type lends itself to this “fishing rod”: a person “escapes” from any uncomfortable situation to where he is valued and where an adequate implementation with an appropriate assessment takes place.
The workaholic is true
“A person who has gone to work, even if she exhausts and eats all his strengths, eventually becomes involved in the game: it becomes very convenient for him to” burn “at work, since this saves him from many uncomfortable situations. If mechanisms of secondary benefit are included, then one can already talk about addiction, “says the psychotherapist of the Insight clinic Igor Lyakh. To imagine what a secondary benefit is, remember the relatives who love to talk about their illnesses when they want to get their attention.
This is an outsider’s view, since a workaholic in such a situation never admits his behavior. He may realize that he spends little time with his family, but his sense of guilt is firmly compensated by the certainty that he is performing an important mission (“I’m trying for you! ”). This is a formal criterion where good work ends and dependence begins.
For a person himself, his changed attitude toward work may become a “bell”: if working questions begin to occupy thoughts at the time you spend with your family or friends, this is a very disturbing signal.
Because it has terrible consequences as a syndrome of emotional burnout: he is the child of workaholism. And it develops unnoticeably, because the workaholic, like with any addiction, affection is accompanied by enormous satisfaction.
There are several more types of people who are usually classed as workaholics, but experts believe that this is “a completely different song. ”For example:
Enthusiastic– people who write inspirational poems or draw at night, and in the creative process they do not notice the time. Talented people can, of course, be considered workaholics, but psychotherapists do not always agree with this, considering that talent and dependence are still different things.
Bookworms– in the modern version, the image of a programmer who lives (and works) in a “different world”. This is usually people of an autistic type, and according to psychologists, it can talk about problems with communications, but not about workaholism.
Perfectionists– unlike the enthusiastic, feel the need to bring everything to the end and certainly the best way. As a result, the work takes all their free time. Often these are neurotic individuals who are afraid of making a mistake.
By the way, you can also note the group ofcops– they work long, but completely unproductive. And here it is quite obvious that their diagnosis sounds like “lack of self-organization”, and not at all “workaholism”.
Dangers of work
About any health problems for those who spend too much time at work, any doctor will say: gastritis, depression, problems with pressure, pulse and sleep, headaches, a desire to drink on Friday evening and osteochondrosis. However, this is often compensated by the opportunity to spend a lot of money on good food, sports and the best doctors, but only for a while.
But from problems with personal life, the pill can not be bought off: according to the therapist Marina Markutun, the first thing that is suppressed by a workaholic is reproductive function. The man has lost sexual desire, the woman has more important priorities than motherhood.
On a global scale, this is dangerous for the demographic situation, on the scale of the local leads to an unsettled personal life, a vicious circle arises: if a woman does not get a family, she compensates for this with success at work, and employment worsens loneliness.
Sharing, conquer!
But if a woman’s family values archetypically sit much deeper and, if possible, she can refuse work (according to statistics, women more often refuse high posts, not wishing to sacrifice the family), then the man usually works with workaholism: it is natural for him. Stable psychotherapists consider the compensated relationship when the arising sense of guilt or complex is compensated by external circumstances. For example, both the wife and the husband work hard, but the children sit with their grandmother who loves them: the parents have no sense of guilt, everyone is happy. Or a woman is heavily loaded, but she has strong emotional support from her relatives, while she is absolutely sure that she did not become a bad mother and wife because of lack of time.
By the way, the option when there are constant mutual reproaches, also compensated: the wine is replaced by mutual aggression, and such relations can drag on for years.
What to do if you are determined to break the dubious “balance” of your relationship?
The first rule, if you really want to solve the problem, rather than “legalize” it in time, by connecting the mechanisms of a mutual game, is not to blame or blame.
The second is to learn how to negotiate: do not beg for attention, but clearly agree on the time that you spend together. Priorities of a workaholic can be changed if you clearly identify your own. If the “reach” fails, it is a signal that a reactive process has begun – you will not be heard. Here you can go to tough measures and “interrupt” the chain of compensation, for example, stop screwing the bulbs themselves or repair the wires (other wives know how and not that). Or to make a scandal. In extreme cases, this is the only way to attract attention.
And further. Workaholic, as well as alcoholics, men, paradoxically, become from a deep lack of love. Therefore, the option, when the wife understands the problems of her husband, is not a variant of “darling”, but a way to share his life with him and get closer. In a fit to earn a family nest, remember and with whom you want to insulate this nest. Look at the person next to him and give him a little more attention.
