25.10.2020

Robberies, wasps, and other horrors that people came home to

I don’t know a single person that doesn’t have one bad story about a place they lived, whether it’s a rat getting into your house, fleas in the furniture, or other nuisances. But we all know someone with a true horror story that goes way beyond setting a few mousetraps, and while they don’t always have to involve small creatures crawling through everything you own, they’re still truly awful things that no one wants to come home to.

I left home one morning and noticed a handful of fruit flies buzzing around the kitchen. Thought nothing of it, figured I’d buy some traps later. Came home to hundreds of them, everywhere, along the walls and ceilings in every room. Literally ran down the street to a Rite Aid and bought all the bug spray and traps they had.

I go to turn on the light and…nothing. The electricity is off. Go to the electricity box outside and turn it on and go back inside: house has been cleared out of all valuable things. I hear a whirring sound and realise it’s the old VCR video tape rewinder rewinding the video tape I put in it in the morning as I left home with my baby son. And then it dawns on me: that tape only takes about 3 minutes to rewind… The burglars must have turned off the electricity seconds after I left home with my baby in the morning. They were watching me leave from inside the garden…..

Meth lab bust. I was raised by my grandparents (they were wonderful people who adopted a bunch of shitty kids) and they’d let my aunt and her boyfriend move their RV onto the property because they got kicked out of wherever they were staying. The worthless assholes were trying to cook meth in it and it caught on fire so they ran off and left it there burning. The neighbors called 911 and the fire department got the fire out before it got to the house. It was nice coming home from school to that. It was a huge shit storm.

My grandparents were almost arrested and they almost lost their house and land. Pretty much the only thing that saved them was that the meth lab was in a vehicle registered to the boyfriend. Even though we didn’t get into any legal trouble it was still a pain in the ass because the whole house had to be tested and they had to hire someone to clean up the mess and have the property test clean before we could move back in. And my childhood home is listed as a former meth lab on the National Clandestine Laboratory Register. My grandparents never recovered financially.

my girlfriend and roomate/best friend hanging on the couch, obviously post coitus.

they’re married now.

Once my family returned from dinner out (a few hours at least!) and upon entry back into the house we noticed water leaking from the garage roof. Turns out our top floor toilet tank had cracked and water had been continuously pouring and was cascading down the stairs, through all three floors. A ridiculous amount of damage.

Edit: After reading your comments I can say we are very fortunate we weren’t away longer. And… get those water detection alarms people!!!

An old dog of mine had become sick after getting ahold of a large batch of double fudge brownies at some point during the day, and by the time I got home, I walked into a house with no less than 25 separate puddles (yes, puddles) of shit. Poor fella had to eat bland boiled chicken and rice for a week.

My best friend and I came back from a night out to my dorm room and found the door wide open, a bloody blanket on the floor and an empty room.

Turned out that my roommate had drunkenly fallen off her lofted bed, cut her shin down to the bone on a piece of metal on the bed, and was so disoriented that she went into a different (unlocked) dorm room and fell asleep on that person’s bed.

Best friend puked in the water fountain after seeing the blood. Ended up eating our post-night-out Taco Bell cold in an ER waiting room while my roommate got stitches. A very memorable night!

My dad came home to find a wasp in the house. And then another. And then another. He investigated. Heard a buzzing coming from the dining room. An entire nest of wasps had been living in the walls and chewed through the sheetrock (or whatever it is they did) and were now pouring into the house through the hole.

Edit to answer a few questions: the dining room was a formal room only used for holidays and dinner parties and since it was summer most entertaining they did was done outside. So no buzzing heard. Also my dad was older and hearing does get less sharp.

Exterminator cleared it out. My dad removed the sheetrock and replaced it and replaced all the vent covers.

They typically had wasp nests hanging from the eaves all the time so seeing wasps outside wouldn’t have been noticed (they even had them in the mailbox).

8 billion baby praying mantis in my house. Over the fall, my daughter went out into the woods and collected every praying mantis cocoon she could find and put them in a shoebox in her bedroom. They all hatched in the early spring while we were visiting my parents for the day…

Got home after work, sat down on my couch. Caught a glimpse of something in the corner of my eye. Turn towards the love seat and see a squirrel sitting on top of it. Then look behind the love seat and see that my air conditioner side paneling was torn to shreds and all over the floor.

Chased the squirrel out and made better side paneling, but the squirrels never stopped trying to get in. It was horrible hearing them scratching and gnawing. My landlord tried putting up some wire fencing around the window hoping to prevent them from getting in. Instead, they would manage to get in and then forget how to get out. So they would be trapped between the wiring and my A/C, panicking and gnawing and the window sill and and I’d feel bad for them and despise them at the same time. This went on for a long time and I now fucking hate squirrels and window A/C units.

My friends printed and framed a particularly good photo of one of those squirrels attempting to get in. And bought me a squirrel throw pillow.

My gf and I were having a problem. I told her I needed to take a walk, but I’d be back. I kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door.

I got back and she had cleaned up, packed her things, and left me.

I had been out of the country for 3 days at a music festival. Came home to my front door crowbarred in, and my entire house trashed. They had taken my TV, DVD’s, laptops, etc.

But the cherry on top of the shit cake: they emptied my box of sex toys so the forensics team had to dust my dildos for finger prints.

EDIT: forgot the best bit. The only DVD they left untouched (out of a collection of 200+) was a copy of Marley & Me. I truly think it was their final fuck you as they were leaving.

Blood on my mailbox with several rifle shell casings scattered about near the mailbox. One of my known thief neighbors got shot 12 times in front of the mailbox, and proceeded to walk home a quarter mile away and tell his mom to call 911. He lived. Eventually, the shooter died in a situation of “suicide by cop” when he pulled a gun on the SWAT team that visited.

h/t Reddit

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