Our service is both dangerous and difficult

Service romances between colleagues end in a marriage only among those who are under thirty

Purely female team women, as a rule, do not favor – there is no some playful mobility in the team that is mixed. The presence of men makes a noticeable revival, gentlemen joke, ladies giggle and give men a fiery look or pechenyushkoy. But sometimes the relationship goes beyond formal communication – an unexpected final of the corporate or quite conscious relationship between the two colleagues is no surprise. What risks are there for those who turn service novels, and whether there is a future for such a relationship, learned the correspondent of SE.

According to a survey conducted at SHE, more than half of our readers communicate with colleagues of the opposite sex exclusively in a friendly way (52%), 19% flirt, believing that this has a beneficial effect on the work, 14% are determined and any informal relations at work for them taboo. In sex with a colleague admitted 12% of readers, and 2% stopped on kisses.

Psychologists recognize that working in a multi-sex team is more comfortable – in addition to business relations informal ties are set up, which either stay at the level of joint trips to dinner, or grow into something more. Long stay together, common goals and interests, joint experience of difficulties not only unite, but also set up a romantic wave. A certain role in this is played by corporate parties – alcohol and intimate conversations bring together no less than jointly experienced stresses. 

Flirt with me
Despite numerous foreign studies about flirting, the results of which are very contradictory, Novosibirsk psychologists are unanimous in that flirting at work is a useful thing for both free people and married people, but with some reservations.

“Flirt – for both men and women – the moment of assessing their sexual attractiveness. Sometimes they say about the so-called marriage rating – how high the chances of creating a new relationship, if something goes wrong in the old ones. 

Such a person in a marriage behaves more naturally, which is good, and he has a high enough self-esteem, “explains Tatyana Skritskaya, a psychologist at the Perinatal Center. Well, if the man’s naturalness does not become an unpleasant surprise for the wife – not everyone is ready to face the truth, pushing children, apartments and loans back to the background.

“Flirt energizes, gives rise to sympathy, desire to cooperate – in case you do not go too far,” stresses the director of the Anti-Stress Center, psychotherapist Maxim Zagoruiko. The main indicator that you are not just building eyes, but counting on something more, is a strong affection and the very expectation of this more.

Random connections
The anniversary of the company, the birthday of the boss – the reasons for the sudden arisen passion there is plenty. According to Tatyana Skritskaya, such relations can be ostentatious in nature and in no way be related to the person who comes to hand. Thus, a person demonstrates that he can afford such a relationship. Even if sudden embraces are not related to the need for attention, the consequences can be very sad. Often such episodes become known to too many people – it not only affects the work, but also prevents you from making a decision: to continue the relationship or try to forget about that ill-fated evening. According to Maxim Zagoruiko, if both a man and a woman from a solitary couple are married, this indicates that there are obvious or hidden problems in the family. Such people do not work on family relations,

Serious choice
“Do not sleep where you work, do not work where you sleep” – says the wisdom of men. But many people neglect it in the case when the advantages of the service novel in the understanding of its participants outweigh the minuses. “The main plus is that a person is nearby, something is known about him, he can be observed in different situations. And if people are not married, then why not? “- says Tatiana Skritskaya. 

In very rare cases, a woman in love carries out a comparative analysis in order to understand whether what she really wants is different from what she is. And in vain. 

“If a woman is lonely and expects that the novel will end with a stable relationship, it is advisable to choose a man who is not married –

says Maxim Zagoruiko. – It is better, if a man will be equal to her by status, i.e. not a boss or a subordinate. And, thirdly, it is important that it was a man close to her in age. According to statistics, service novels that end in marriage are novels among relatively young people, i.е. up to 30 years. ” If a married woman ties up with a married man, the therapist recommends treating this as an attraction, but very risky.

If you need a reason, then this is the reason.
Not all unions end with a wedding, for that there are certain reasons. According to Maxim Zagoruiko, there are several risks. First, even if it seems to you that no one knows anything about it, it is not so – careful colleagues will notice changes in behavior, and envious persons and ill-wishers use this information against you. Secondly, it is unlikely that the employer will be pleased with the prospect of a love relationship in his company, especially if you will be vigorously sorting out the relationship. Thirdly, if the colleagues are married, then again, not without the help of ill-wishers, office adventures may become known to one of the spouses, and the consequences are quite understandable.

And, fourthly, the therapist warns, service romances with married people, as a rule, last not for long – six months or a year. And when the time comes to put an end, the motto “out of sight, out of mind” will not work.

Simply because you will see your ex-boyfriend every day, who can actively flirt with another colleague. A special group of risk is represented by the ladies who have established relations with the boss. “Men willingly go for this, and a woman may get the impression that this is due to love, but often for a man this is a sign of some status” – opens the eyes of women Maxim Zagoruiko. According to Tatiana Skritskaya, a woman runs the risk of losing contact with colleagues, and besides, it is difficult to separate personal relationships and work. “The woman expects that as a result of these relations, the male superior will make her favors that it will help her to advance in the service. But this is not always the case, often a man, in order to hide the very fact of the novel, on the contrary, it starts to take shape in public, “says Maxim Zagoruiko.

“It is necessary to distinguish between working and personal relationships,” the psychotherapist recommends. – But this does not mean that you can not start official novels. For a single woman, a relationship with a single man is a real chance to get married. Simply it is necessary to understand – flies separately, cutlets separately “.

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