Loves, but is silent

Why does a man not in a hurry to admit to love and how to find out what he feels

“What are you thinking about?” – from women’s issues that can make a man out of himself, this one is clearly in the top three. Of course, the option “Yes, nothing” is not something we want to hear. But even if the coveted response somehow slips in the actions or views of men, few are rushing to put their feelings into words. They can talk on different topics, but as soon as it comes to confessions of love, they grow numb. What is the reason for the male silence and how do you find out what He feels for you, correspondents SHE found out. 

For the words you will answer
“Men do not cry,” mothers say to three-year-old sons, making it clear that the expression of feelings is not available to everyone. According to social attitudes, a real man is unobtrusive by definition – he must see the enemy from afar, but must endure the pain and inconvenience in silence. “It goes from the depths of the centuries – a man needed to hunt, a woman in turn should have constantly listened,” says psychologist Nikita Lozin, director of the psychological center “Harmony.” – Each member of the family has a more developed channel of perception: a woman hears, and a man sees. Therefore, a man likes to look, and a woman likes to listen. “

The difference in perception concerns relationships. “When a woman is looking for a man, she is looking for someone who will become the father of her children, so she immediately thinks about the future, it is important for her to anchor the man, she is waiting for verbalization,” explains Olga Bocharnikova, the psychotherapist of the center “Between Us”. – A man, on acquaintance with a woman due to his psychology, does not look far ahead. He is thinking about today, because for him it is very difficult to admit something intimate, he needs to get used to it. ” 

Usually the adaptation period lasts six months. If after this period the man still does not say what he feels for you, this is not a good sign.

Having received the long-awaited confession, a woman receives confirmation of her own worth in the life of a man. This is a kind of guarantee, having that, you can safely breathe, without fear that your treasure will get to someone else. Not surprisingly, men prefer to keep quiet or shy away from answering. “Men can say a lot, but there is one thing that they are reluctant to do – this is an explanation in love. The exception is the most furious womanizer, for them words mean nothing at all. The rest with the milk of the mother was absorbed: if I confessed, these words will have to be held responsible, “says Olga Bocharnikova. 

Too much love

If the gentleman is silent, and the cognitive need is high, you can learn the language of the body and try to find the answer to the question that interests you. But it is likely that you will be mistaken. According to the therapist, two extremes are possible – either a lot of fussy moves, the man becomes quick, tries to please, starts to do something impulsively. Or, on the contrary, it is lost, falls into a stupor, freezes. Looking at such contradictory behavior, it is not easy to understand. As experts say, a man can even become bad from you in the literal sense, from such a woman can already fall into a stupor, in which, in the presence of sympathy, signs are expressed implicitly. In men, however, sexual desire causes a wave of excitement, and stress can manifest itself in a physical malaise – even to nausea.

“The most important sign of love is a close look, if a man looks at a woman more than 20% of the time, then this speaks either of hatred for a person, or of love, ie, in any case it is a sign of very strong emotions, “

Olga Bocharnikova is sure. Therefore, do not rush to make sad conclusions, if a man behaves strangely.

The reason for unusual behavior can be not only internal tension. The fact is that in our culture there is no clear mechanism: men often simply do not know how to communicate their feelings. “Traditions work here. In the West, if a man gives a ring and admits – this is very serious. We do not have this in culture, “says Olga Bocharnikova. In the end, after watching the melodrama, a woman waits for a certain ritual – a beautiful confession in a beautiful place with a ringlet for dessert. And having received incoherent text after drinking alcohol at a dacha with friends, is extremely upset and generally does not believe what is happening. Certainly, a declaration of love somewhere on the island of Bali at sunset is a pleasant and memorable thing. And yet, if a man decides to open his soul elsewhere and under other circumstances, one should listen to this. “It’s easier for a woman, – acknowledges Olga Bocharnikova. “She can admit to joking, but a man of such words just does not say so.”

I’ve said everything
The way a man expresses his attitude towards you depends on his personal characteristics. “There are three modalities of the expression of feelings, the channel of perception: visual, audial and kinesthetic, – reinforces the practice of Nikita Lyozin’s theory. “They each have their own: someone gives gifts, someone talks, someone caresses.”

There are a lot of ways to show your attitude – do not fixate on the cliched recognition of the three treasured words. After all, beautiful words can remain only words that are not backed up by actions.

Realizing that you need bright recognition, a man can limit them. “He said that he loves! ..” – complain at the girls’ forums, as if swinging in the store a given, but absolutely useless guarantee. Exaggeration of the role of words makes those who received their dose of “verbal love” suffer in the past, but unexpectedly the supplies stopped. If a man ceased to admit to love – this is not a sign of cooling relations, – soothes women Olga Bocharnikova. “He takes it as” I’ve already said everything. ” Cooling is indicated by other signs – when he does not go for kinesthetic contact, tries to stay away or starts to get bored. “

Asking a question in the forehead or demanding “say that you love me” is ineffective, as in the case of a recent acquaintance, when a man is not ripe for confessions, and with long family relationships, when passions fade. According to Nikita Lyozin, if you want a man to accept your channel of perception of feelings, in other words – to voice your thoughts and feelings, it is worth to inform him about it, explaining that it is important for you. 

And yet, sometimes it’s worth taking a break from the form to get into the content. After all, in pursuit of beautiful rituals, you can miss the sincere feelings, albeit without gift wrapping. 

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