At work, as in war: all the time you have to keep an answer and defense. It happens that the boss is a tyrant and a despot. Or an office rat. Or a hidden playboy. Sometimes, too good and kind, but I do not want to lead a friendship with him.
How to find the golden mean when building relations with the leader, do not go to extremes and avoid misunderstanding, the correspondent of SE explained.
Personal Interest
Among the many reasons for dismissal, such as disagreements with bosses are often found. But not more often than other reasons: for example, inappropriate corporate culture or non-fulfillment of the sales plan. However, no one will deny how psychologically important it is, especially for a woman, to have good relations not only in the team, but also directly with the boss. But does personal compatibility guarantee a successful career?
Both psychologists and personnel officers do not deny the role of the favorable attitude of both sides towards each other. “Psychological compatibility is very important, but even more important is the so-called vector compatibility,” says Natalia Shaab, head of sales at the Charisma Center.
A competent leader always looks forward to the future, and a variety of opinions and approaches enrich the business idea. Therefore, even people with opposite views on life can interact very effectively with each other.
Of course, someone will have to bend more, and usually it’s not the boss. But here it is important to remember that this is not an infringement of your interests and not a disregard for the individual, but a factor giving you extra points: employees who are able to respond to changes in time and adequately are valued much more and occupy the best posts, even if they are difficult to call “brothers chief for reason. ”
Head-friend
To understand the emotional mood of the person who leads you, does that mean that the ideal option is to be friends with him? Many so really think and consciously or unconsciously begin to look for approaches to the leader. Which is not at all surprising: they will find it if they “attack it”. Such relations will be mutually beneficial if both sides are interested in the result: the employee receives bonuses in the form of expanding the sphere of communications, and the chief satisfies emotional needs if they are lacking in normal life. However, the privileges that are given by friendship or personal relationships are usually imaginary, and it is hard for someone who has taken this bait.
Any emotional attachment is a vulnerable place for a person, and at an unexpected moment it can hurt your career.
And people themselves often fall into the trap of their own expectations from each other: such a boss can always ask to sacrifice personal interests for the sake of the common cause, and the employee will always wait for better conditions and a pie more messily. This work process is not conducive.
According to Andrey Vovchenko, director of the People’s Staff Development Center, the emotional relations at work should be minimized, if possible, with the exception of individual meetings. But unfortunately, in our country there are strong traditions, the main principle of which is “the closer to the boss – the warmer”.
Love with notification
However, often the friendship at work is very functional. This is when the head consciously chooses a pet. Or rather, when a person who can perform this role finds his leader. You can call it sycophancy, but in the classic form it is rare, often takes the form of “find an approach. ”
Andrei Vovchenko notes that pets are usually not the best employees. But those who most fully meet the needs of the leader in “his” person in the team: with his help you can always find out the necessary information and find out the situation in the team.
This is a special type of people. According to Eric Berne’s classification, the type of people “seem” – they are easily integrated into any situation. For people of the same category “to be”, such a need can cause serious stress. “Such a person needs to clearly understand that he plays a role that is acceptable and prescribed to him in this team. For this to happen without prejudice to mental health, we need to clearly differentiate our behavior as role-playing, “commented the director of the medical center” Markutun “, a psychotherapist Marina Markutun.
And if you turned out to be the person whom the boss actively wants to see in his circle? For starters, do not be scared: there are leaders who specifically choose a pair of promising employees, realizing their need for a teacher role. This option for a career is not bad at all. And if the boss is a decent person, he should meet halfway. But if you have doubts about the transparency of the manager’s intentions, you can apply the tactic of misunderstanding: after listening carefully, come the next day and note that something remains unclear to you. In the people it’s called pretending to be a fool. And in psychology – a signal that you are not ready to live up to expectations that contradict your life principles.
Strangers
To avoid conflicts, one must learn not only to listen, but also to hear what your boss really wants. Most often – good results. And if there is a misunderstanding allegedly on personal grounds, it is often the result of hidden discontent. Moreover, it is rare for a valuable employee to agree to expose a valuable employee only because of the incompatibility of the characters.
But you need to learn to listen not only to others, but also to yourself first. Today, a person has a sharp increase in nervousness, there is a powerful dissonance between the imposed needs and the deep priorities of the individual.
If a person, for example, is not a careerist, does not earn a lot of money, he simply must have an excuse. Often this results in complaints about the authorities – as a monolith that can not be crossed.
Such people are usually useless to advise something – they compensated the situation and are quite happy with it. Of course, there are objective cases, often with the boss from the outside, the appointee, when no methods that help to find contact, will not have the effect. Here it is worthwhile to stop. Psychotherapists even distinguish a special type of people who begin to play to the end of sporting interest, and this is the first sign of neurotic disorders (when you really want to, but do not get it, but still want to). But if you are determined to leave and end all this, do not deprive yourself of the last chance and play in psychology. Trying to accept as a fact that the cause of failure is not in the boss or in the destiny of the villain, but in you, you will not lose anything, and you will be able to acquire very much.
Give in, where necessary, adjust, where possible, change where possible – these are the three whales of a successful career. Accent, as usual, not on an unjust world, but on how we look at this world. By removing the blinkers of stereotypes, you can take a fresh look at such a routine thing as attitudes at work, and make them much nicer.
