How To Best Handle Bridesmaid Drama Before Your Big Day

Bachelorette parties

Speaking of money, the costs associated with wedding festivities can add up fast, especially when bachelorette parties are more and more often a weekend away and not just a night out. Added spending equals stress equals drama. One easy way to try and get everyone on the same page is to have bridesmaids fill out an anonymous Survey Monkey questionnaire, suggests RetailMeNot Shopping and Trends expert Sara Skirboll. “Let each bridesmaid fill in how much they’re willing to spend on travel for the bachelorette party, matching shirts and other expenses so that everyone feels comfortable and ready to celebrate.” Once that’s all decided, be upfront with the costs and make it clear that you totally understand if someone can’t make it, adds Carlson. Now is also a good time to extend an invite to a larger group of friends, so if some of the bridesmaids can’t make it, you’ll still have plenty of guests, she says.

Someone dropping out

If a bridesmaid bails, the most important thing is to not take it personally, advises Goldberg. “This day is about you, your life, and the people whom you love and care for around you. If that is her decision, keep in mind that it has nothing to do with your special day, but more likely is over an issue or circumstance that she can’t control,” she says. Life issues and unexpected situations happen, so be as accommodating as you can be, advises Wunschl, and remember that having an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen isn’t the end of the world.

Kicking someone out

“Emotions are never higher than they are before a wedding and sometimes that can result in drama and arguments even amongst the closest people,” says Carlson. How to move forward depends on who you had the falling out with; if it’s with a family member who will always be in your life, it’s best to make amends and move forward as planned, she says. But if it’s with a friend over an argument so major that you feel the friendship is irreparable, keep the conversation simple and straight forward, Carlson advises. She suggests something along the lines of: “You have always been one of my dearest friends. After our recent argument, I think it is best if you no longer stand up in the wedding party. I will reimburse you for the expenses of your outfit. I hope you will still attend the wedding and after we return from the honeymoon, I’d love to try and reconcile.”  Short and to the point; save any longer conversations or accusations for post-wedding, if you do in fact want to reconcile with her.