End justifies the means

How to stop following stereotypes and find your goal in life

About their goal in life, kindergartners on pots think much more often than serious professionals. Adult weekdays are hugs with pans and washing machines, romantic trips from work in the subway, as well as constant activities to lure individuals of the opposite sex and caring for the offspring that dreams about something, sitting on pots.So, maybe the goal in life is not needed and the wise decision will leave the last thoughts about it to ardent students? SHE correspondent asked the questions of being for psychotherapists, target specialists and spiritual teachers. 

Peekaboo
The question of the goal in the lives of many confounders: someone starts to mumble, another sharply cuts off that the goal in life for the heroes of the books, and he has one goal – not to die of hunger. People who clearly know what they want and purposefully achieve it, we always secretly envy, we would also like at least a little bit to sort out all this household chaos, after which sometimes our personality is lost. “Anyone has a purpose, we are all purposeful,” Nikita Lozin, director of the psychological center “Harmony”, is convinced. 

– The feeling that there is no goal and desires is depression. In fact, they are, just different goals began to contradict each other. Because of this different direction, a person can not move at all. “

In addition to depression, your goal in life can obscure the past. “If in the experience of a person or his family there is something that holds in the past, then he may not have goals. His subconscious can not concentrate on his individual life, because all energy is in the past, “says Irina Piskareva, the leading coach of the self-development center Atmosphere. 

Sex and money – two phantoms
Understood, the goal in life you have. But what – this is the mystery. The goal is what a person will become whole, the fulfillment of which will lead him to inner harmony. But often people follow the ghostly goals imposed by the Big Brother: we want what we are dictated by advertising, the media, the social environment, close ones. The TV tells us every second to want sex – preferably with a lot of changing partners, spontaneously attacking you from the smell of a new deodorant, then at the sight of a fashion phone. Some people, against the background of this global sexualization of all spheres of social and personal life, develop a strong aversion to sex (“it is already too much in our lives”), while others take this advertising message seriously for the purpose.

The most powerful social stereotype is connected with money. “Often people see something from others, and it seems to them that this is their goal,” Irina explains, “for example,” around all the rich, and I want to be rich. ” And it’s not a fact that this goal is in fact inscribed in the fate of a person and that he will be happy about it. ” Everyone wants money, but most do not believe that they can be obtained. “Money is like sex, some kind of phantom for many. Money gets hard work – this stereotype is clearly limiting.

In general, well-being is easy enough to obtain – it would be better if a person who wants to succeed financially cultivate such a conviction in himself, “Irina Piskareva said. 

How to find a goal – we dig deeper
What can we do to get through a powerful stream pouring on a modern person from the outside, through the clap of keys in the office and the roar of a washing machine, to hear yourself and understand your own goal, the realization of which will bring you happiness? 

“We will come to our goal all, of course. But the path of someone is straight, but someone’s long winds. There is such an expression: for a rabid dog, seven versts is not a hook, “says Nikita Lyozin. – We need to analyze our mistakes and obstacles that arise in our life. Behind every mistake lies the information about our real goal. “

There are special techniques for determining the individual goal of each person. One of them is “Creating a vision”: a person represents the realization of his goal with all the details. “When he builds his future life, it is good to imagine how this will affect him and his current environment. Is he willing to forgo something from his present in order to achieve the goal, “explains Irina Piskareva. 

If you, like the heroine Julia Roberts from the “Runaway Bride”, always lived with an eye for someone and do not know what you like, help come with such techniques for setting priorities, like “Balance Wheel”: write a list of significant for you of things in life, conducting an increasingly rigorous selection, when in the end there is only top-5 priorities.

It is important to learn to listen to yourself. To “the mind became quiet,” as advised Eugene Glazunova, a teacher of the basic course “The Art of Life” and a yoga instructor:

“All answers are known by the heart. Many people are restless, the mind does not let them hear the voices of the heart. 

You can calm down the mind with the help of yoga, Sudarshan Kriya (breathing practice .– ZK), meditation. ” – “Out of 100% goal achievement, 90% of success does not occur in real life, but in the head, in the human psyche. The greater part of the work is that a person should understand himself and allow this to be his goal. The remaining 10% are already without your help, “Irina Piskareva summarizes. 

Harmony without purpose or purposeful movement?
Supporters of spiritual schools that have calmed their minds and become enlightened a little closer than we think that “people need the goals at some stage of development, they direct our vital energy in the right direction. But it is important not to cling to the results of our actions: a constant focus on the future does not allow you to live fully and enjoy the present moment. If a person lives with joy and gratitude and delicately feels what he needs to do at every moment of time, it is not necessary to put goals in the conventional understanding, – explains Evgenia Glazunova. – There is no sense in getting attached to these or those results – everything changes. Today, one thing is important, tomorrow another. We need to rejoice at the changes. Go through life playing like a child. He does not really care about the result when he plays toys, but he is happy in the process. “

But here it is important to observe a very fine line: between a calm movement along the course of life with the choice of the right turns – and complete apathy and inactivity. Between the setting of specific goals with the desired date of achievement, a plan of action – and a disembodied dream in the spirit of “a good thing.” Until you maximally specify your desires and do not allow yourself to realize them, they do not materialize. Internal self-development is not an easy thing, and we are always “not up to it.” But at some point in life you realize that either you already begin to listen to yourself, or until the end of the days you will run for the goal that looms ahead, like a carrot, that is tied to the head of a donkey, so that it goes after it, where it will be directed by the owner. 

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